


A Forever Within the Numbered Days

by MXYDXY



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, I REGRET NOTHING, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, Possible Character Death, sick!hinata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:04:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 69,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7061773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MXYDXY/pseuds/MXYDXY
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He ran. He jumped. He reached for the sky... His wings broke and he came crashing down. It's just a waiting game until he reaches for the sky again, crashes down again, but never gets up again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Egotistical?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please pardon my horrible attempt at tagging and trying to get a summary together... (especially the summary.)
> 
> I really shouldn't allow myself excuses for this terrible quality writing. It'll get better, I promise. (I hope...)
> 
> Usually first chapters are designed to lure you in with how amazingly well-written they are... This is not.
> 
> This is also not a chapter that contains smut. It's a building process, people!

_Smack_

**_Thud_**

I blinked a couple times, laying down flat on my back just before sitting up, rubbing my cheek.

“Hinata, you dumbass!”

I whipped my head around to glare at Kageyama.

What I wanted to say: “You're not going to ask if I'm okay?”

What I actually said: “It's not my fault you tossed it too freaking low! Quit blaming me all the damn time!”

He shut up pretty quick at that, though he did look irritated. Oh, wait, he always looks irritated...

I hummed a bit to myself, smiling at the idea of having shut him up. I turned my body to the side slightly, pressing a palm into the gymnasium floor and pushing against it, allowing my body to stand up fully. The side of my face hurt from being high-fived at maximum speed and force by a volleyball tossed by Kageyama, but I think my ass hurt more from when I fell right down on it.

“Are they at it _again_?” Voice recognized: Daichi.

“Its hardly surprising at this point...” Sugawara.

Even though I've been on the team with Kageyama for weeks now, he still hasn't seemed to care much about my well-being, or, rather, anyone's in general. Egotistical? Or just an unbearable asshole by trade? The world may never know.

“Oi, Hinata.”

I looked over my shoulder, seeing Kageyama coming up to me. I turned on my heels, walking to a bench so I could get my water bottle. I sat down, not wanting to make my bottom hurt any worse than it already did by just _plopping_ down, reaching for the bottle and raising it up to my lips to take a drink.

“Hinata!”

I glanced over in his direction. He looked even more pissed now since I acknowledged him but still blatantly ignored him. I looked away coolly, like it was nothing, like I hadn't seen or heard him, like he didn't exist at all... but, internally, I was screaming. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!_

I saw his figure through the corner of my eye, but I didn't dare look. I swear I could _feel_ his seething anger and absolute vexation. Today's the day I die. Do I even have witnesses? I never wrote a will. I don't remember telling my family I lov—

He smacked the water bottle out of my hand. I shot a look at him that was met with an equally irritated, obviously-angered look, but one that had some other emotion there. _He can be something other than angry?_

“Why the hell did you ignore me?! I was trying to apologize!”

“Do you have a God complex or something? 'Cause I don't think this level of asshole is–” I stopped, brain finally processing what he just said. “Wait, what?”

One could tell he was seriously pissed; he probably wanted to squeeze my head in between his hands until I popped like an airhead, but he was still trying to hold himself together. Definitely a first for him, and also probably the last. I looked around for the other teammates, wondering if they were seeing this — him holding himself together, I mean... Sugawara was watching, along with Daichi, Asahi...

He grabbed hold of my lower face with one hand, thumb pressing into one cheek, his other fingers on my antithetical cheek, turning my head forcefully. I winced.

“You could at least look at me and _act_ like you're paying attention!”

I grabbed his arm, trying to push him away. No use; attack ineffective. I went to kick him, he let go and jumped back; attack missed. “Doesn't seem like you're all that apologetic!” My right cheek hurt more so than before, but now my left cheek was aching a bit... “Asshole.” I grumbled, glaring at him, raising both hands to cup my cheeks.

“Hinata, I...”

Is he actually gonna do it? This couldn't _possibly_ be the first time he's apologized to someone, right?

“I'm really not good at this...” he stood straight, rubbing the back of his neck, taking another step towards me. He let out a deep breath — no, I think it could be better described as a sigh; no doubt he doesn't particularly want to do this — dropping his arm down, looking down at me and looking me directly in the eye. _He's got that going for him, at least..._ “I'm s... shy.”

_Ruined it._

“S-sore...”

_He hasn't done this before... He seriously hasn't done this before..._

“Sor...ry... Sorry! I'm sorry!”

I tilted my head, looking away. _A... for... effort?_

I scolded myself, knowing that this is his first time apologizing, so I'll cut him some slack...

I looked back at him. _Oh, god, no! He's bowing!_

I shot up quickly, patting his back, trying to get him to stand up “Ahaha! It's okay, Kagegama-kun! I'm not all that upset anymore anyway!” Somehow bowing managed to embarrass me... Isn't that supposed to be the other way around?

He stood up a little soon afterwards, looking down, hand raised up to his chin in his 'lil “thinking pose” I stopped patting his back, exchanging that gesture for me scratching the back of my head, laughing awkwardly. Damn; that sight must look painful. Suddenly, he looked up at me. “I can get you some snacks afterschool. You like those meat buns, right?”

_He actually paid attention enough to remember that?_

“Y-yeah but you don't need to do that...”

“People don't do that for apologies?”

I could've said he's one of the biggest assholes I've never met, one of the worst people I've ever met! Going off and yelling at me for nothing! Instead? I just let out a deep breath. _Give him some slack..._ I smiled wide, “As long as you're paying!” I said cheerily, completely ignoring his question.

“O-of course!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of these chapters will explain what's going to happen to/what is happening to Hinata, I swear.
> 
> (... I seriously need to stop re-reading this because it gets increasingly worse every time and I just want to trash it entirely. Probably should but I'm not sure I particularly feel like writing it again.)
> 
> And if you actually read through my horrible first chapter, then thank you.


	2. A God-Complex?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata isn't quite himself, and someone notices it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think at some point I'll start switching the 1st person perspective between Kageyama and Hinata, or I'll end up switching to third and editing what I have so it's third person. This is important, I swear.

Practice lasted another forty minutes or so, and I was one of the first to leave, having been taking a break — correction: what I _thought_ would be a break — just a few minutes before practice ended. It was a surprise because it hadn't seemed that long, but the time just passed me by and I hadn't noticed it growing darker outside. I blame artificial lighting, not my bad sense of perception.

Just as I was about to walk out the door, a voice—

“Hinata, wait up!”

Kageyama? He said he would meet with me right after practice... No, no. That isn't his voice.

I stopped in my tracks, looking over my shoulder. Nishinoya. I turned, continuing to walk, knowing he would walk alongside me to talk to me about whatever he wanted to talk about.

“Are you okay?”

“What do you mean?” I looked over at him through the corner of my eye; he looked right back at me, some emotion presented on his face. Is that... Disappointment? Did I do something wrong?

He let out a sigh, looking straight forward; I did the same. “You're taking breaks a little more often, and they last a lot longer than usual...” he paused, “it'd make sense if it was just after we came back from a long break or something, but...”

I sucked in a breath, stepping in front of him, hands on his shoulders, eyes pleading and worried. “I'm practicing everyday! I promise! I run all the time! I'm not slacking, I swear!” Surely they wouldn't bench me for this, right?

Nishinoya looked at me, eyebrows furrowing upward. He looked down at my arms that were currently holding him. “I- I didn't say you weren't...” he looked back at me.

I bit my lip, releasing my hold. “S-sorry...” I turned, scratching the back of my head as I continued walking, Nishinoya still beside me, though hanging back a foot or two. “I-I don't know... I feel dizzy a lot, and sometimes I get headaches...”

I “forgot” to mention just how bad those headaches got; I think the pain was past the level of migraine. On a scale of 1 to 10, it could be a solid “I think I've been freaking impaled. Take me to a damn hospital.”

“D'you think you're catching the flu or something?”

“I don't think it's the flu, but maybe I am getting _something_...”

“Well, if you get worse, don't feel like you _have_ to come to practice, okay?”

I nodded. It's the best I could do. It's nice Nishinoya cares and is trying to look out for me and have me look out for myself, but I'd probably still come to practice with a broken leg or arm... No, I'd be as useful as a piece of trash during a match. I knew that but... But I can't stand not being able to come to practice, not if I can help it.

I turned to go to the bike racks, seeing Nishinoya walking off and away. He waved to me; i returned the wave, though I was a little less energetic than he. “See you later, Hinata! Try and feel better for tomorrow's practice!” 

“O-okay! See you!”

I huffed, turning to get to my bike. I was about to hop on and ride back home, but then I remembered Kageyama said he'd get me meat buns after school.

I looked around, but he wasn't in sight. Did he forget? How could he have forgotten that? Even _he_ made a bigger deal than what was necessary for an apology... Bowing and stuff... Maybe he just went off ahead?

I hopped on my bike, starting to pedal. I got to the street when I heard a familiar voice from behind. Always from behind. _Why_?

“Hinata!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 3 (technically four, but 1 is continued in next chapter if you can remember it) hints at Hinata's “sickness” in here. One was almost totally unintentional, other two were more deliberate. If you can guess what he's got... Good job. You get a cookie. 
> 
> No, but I will be pretty impressed if someone can figure out this early on XD


	3. ... Just A Born Asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata asks Kageyama why he decided to apologize and gets an (un)expected answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... And now I have to decide whether I am switching to third or if I'll just bounce between Hinata/Kageyama POV

“Hinata!”

I came to a sudden stop, almost slinging my body forward and falling. I caught myself, standing on my tiptoes as the bike came back down on both tires. I narrowed my eyes, slowly looking to the relative area of where the voice came from.

Kageyama.

Okay, I _guess_ I wasn't all _that_ vexed at having almost fallen face-first into asphalt.

I waited for him to catch up, breathing heavily at having run over here. 

“I thought you'd wait for me—”

“I thought you forgot. Or went on ahead.”

“I told you I would meet up with you right after practice.”

I stared at him blankly.

When did he say that? Was I really _that_ distracted during practice?

He let out an exasperated breath just before patting my back, signalling he was going to start walking. I hopped off my bike, walking beside Kageyama with my bike in between us, my hands on both handles.

“I saw Nishinoya talking to you, anyway. Didn't want to interrupt. ”

“Could've walked behind us or something, dummy.” I grumbled. “You were nowhere in sight when I looked right before I went to leave, so, y'know...” I trailed off.

“What were you two talking about?”

I opened my mouth to speak but stopped myself. Why should I tell him? Its not like he noticed and asked me about it. I'm his freaking partner! How did he not notice that like Nishinoya had? I don't know, I guess I just thought he...—

“It's not important.” Regrettably, that could almost be described as a white lie. I don't matter to him enough for him to pay me any mind. _Damn shitty king..._

He didn't say anything.

Maybe he truly didn't care and was making an attempt at small talk. Maybe he didn't want to know. Maybe he respected people saying they wouldn't tell him anything. Maybe he thought we were talking about him, or maybe he thinks that _now_.

Why should _I_ care?

My turn for questions.

“So why did you want to apologize? You never have before, so why then? Why now?”

Silence.

Silence...

_Silence._

I was a little annoyed now, but I got semi-over it because he may not want to answer my question because I didn't answer his question.

“Do you want my honest answer?”

I looked at him through the corner of my eye. _Seriously?_ I looked down at the ground as we walked. “Uh, y-yeah...? Typically when people ask a question, they want an answer...”

“I don't think you do... You'll wish you never heard it at all.”

“You've already invested this far. Just freaking tell me.” I said in an obviously-annoyed tone as I turned my head to glare at him.

He didn't look angry — well, aside from his resting bitch face — rather, he looked a little sad.

Oh, god. He killed someone. He's trying to get me to like him so I wont snitch! Is that a look of guilt? What if he killed my mom? Or Natsu? What if he's not really getting me meat buns and he's going to kill _me_?!

“I kind of promised Sugawara that I'd try to be a little nicer to you...”

That wasn't sadness. It was pity.

“So what's in it for you then?”

I stopped walking; he kept walking, only stopping when he walked a few feet. He still doesn't pay me any mind. What do I even hope for anymore? He truly doesn't care.

“Sugawara, um, threatened to suspend me from the team if I didn't start treating you nicer.”

“Typical.”

“What?”

I started walking again, stopping again when i was beside him. “I said it's _typical_. It fits your character. It fits _you_.” I swung a leg over my bike to get on top of it. “Just... Forget about getting me those snacks.”

“Hinata...”

“It's fine... Don't worry, I won't tell Sugawara.” I raised an index finger to my lips, a pained smile behind. “Our... little secret...” I dropped my hand down to grab the handlebar again, going to start pedalling, but Kageyama grabbed the back of my shirt, compelling me to stop.

“Wait.” he said in a demanding tone.

“Have I ever mentioned that, even if I wanted to do something and-or planned to do something, if someone tells me to do it, I will instantly lose muse and not want to do it? No? Well, remember that for later, I guess.”

I put a foot on a pedal, pressing down a bit. This time, Kageyama grabbed my upper arm. I staggered slightly, just before planting both feet into the ground. I was already about to cry — I had a sliver of hope that he had an _ounce_ of decency and compassion for me in him, but it was crushed with only a few words — and he was making it ridiculously hard to hold my tears back and not stutter as I talked.

 _“Please.”_ he said in — what I think is his version of — a begging tone.

“Stop it!” I screamed, eyes shut tight. Bad idea. A tear ran down my face. “I swear you must be sadistic or something!” I swung my arm back to smack him with the back of my hand. Don't know where I hit him exactly, but I managed to hit him _somewhere_ and I get him to let go, so I'll consider it a win.

I looked back at him, seeing that he had a hand raised to hit me back. I winced, expecting him to swing at me. Instinctive countering? Or seriously pissed off and ready to kill me?

I wiped the wetness on my cheeks away with my hand. I was getting ready to start pedalling, seeing as though he was lagging a bit in hitting me, so I figured I could just pedal away at break neck speed, but my vision got blurry again. I went to wipe the — _expected_ — flow of tears away again, but it was relatively dry. I think m—

**_Thud_ **


	4. .7 Seconds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's little mishap wins him a ride to the hospital.
> 
> Kageyama notes something about Hinata that doesn't quite make sense.
> 
> Kageyama feels something that he'd rather not deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I decided on just switching between Hinata's and Kageyama's POVs. I just love first-person. I don't know why exactly... It's more... personalized(??) I guuueeess?

It broke me a little, seeing him cry, knowing that it was my fault; that _I_ had done that to him.

I don't think I quite remember the last time I saw someone cry. Have I _ever_? Surely at least _once_ in this lifetime.

He looked away as quickly as he had swung his arm back to hit me in my shoulder. It was a little too quick for him to even see me lower my arm and actually try to reach out to him — again-again.

“Hinata, why are you cr—”

.7 seconds.

_.7 seconds._

_Point. Seven. Seconds._

It wasn't even a whole second that had passed before I saw a blur of orange that I quickly recognized as Hinata's hair — well, _of-fucking-course_ ; what else could it have been? — as he fell down onto the ground, bike and all. I had already been reaching out to... to...

_What was I trying to do?_

With the sudden emptiness presented where a human being used to be, and with me having put my weight forward, I ended up falling, too. I, however, unlike Hinata, was falling forward rather than to the side, so I had managed to catch myself by reaching my arms out in front of me.

**_Thud_ **

A bit of a metallic clattering sound, and the low whirring of wheels followed by a few clicks.

It hurt on impact, but I managed to fall into a lowered push-up position rather than totally slamming into the ground face first. Yeah, this was definitely the preferable route than totally striking the ground with my body at full force; maybe half-force...?

I rolled off to the side, making sure not to hit the bike _again_ , just before I stood up, stumbling a bit as I did so, partially from the shift in weight, mostly because my legs rammed into the metal of a bicycle and I was 99% sure I would see bruises soon enough. Hell, I already had a few scraped areas, one that was also a little red.

 _Hinata_.

I looked down to where he laid still. No, “still” isn't quite good enough. He was _perfectly_ still, _painfully_ still, like a corpse; he looked positively dead. How could he remain so damn _still_ after falling like that onto the ground? He wasn't even emitting any cries or groans or anything to indicate he was in pain. Nothing, just... Corpse-like.

I instantly bent over to pick the bike up off his body, pushing it off and away to absolutely wherever else that wasn't fucking here. I knelt down beside him, shaking him a bit. “Hinata?” No response. “Hinata?” I said, sounding a little more urgent. Nothing.

I don't understand, his eyes are wide-fucking-open! Why isn't he responding?

I rolled him onto his back, lowering my upped body and turning my head to hover just above him, my ear over his mouth. Nothing. I couldn't hear him breathing in the slightest.

No, not fucking possible!

I sat up, pressing my two fingers against his neck, feeling for a pulse. It was there. So why isn't he—

Suddenly he sucked in a deep breath, closing his eyes tight, releasing an exasperated breath, and then opened his eyes. They looked like glass.

He looked up at me blankly for a few moments, blinking a couple times. He looked tired beyond belief and overall confused.

“Wha'happened?”

I pulled myself back, giving him a little more space and, well, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly — what's a good word? — _weird_ — not quite, but it'll do — being that close to him. But, um, mainly to give him space...

“Uh, y-you fell...”

“Well, haha, _duh_! That explains why I'm on the ground but—” he stopped, attempting to sit himself up. He got about halfway through a sit-up, groaning a bit, just before plopping back down onto his back, arms sprawled out to the side. “Can you help me up?” He was staring blankly upward.

“Hinata, I'm pretty sure you were unconscious...” No, there's no doubt about it. He had to have been. He _was_ unconscious. I just can't explain how his eyes were wide-open the whole time. Maybe it was more so like a black-out? “Your cheek's bleeding, same with your neck there,” I raised a hand to gesture at the area with my index finger. “No doubt you have bruises in more places than one. You may have—”

“I feel fine.”

I gritted my teeth, lowering my gaze so it looked like a scowl. “Yeah, you _feel_ fine but you're bleeding — maybe messed up something internally, I don't know; you hit your head, you might have a concus—”

“...Where's my bike?” He started moving his head around, trying to find said bike.

You're worried about your bike at a time like this?!

I rolled my eyes then went to turn my head. “It... It's over there...” Even _I_ had to look around a bit, after clumsily shoving it off to the side. Just behind me. I pointed back there with my thumb, looking back at Hinata. “I'm going to call an ambulance...” I murmured, already pulling my phone out.

“What? No!”

I had already dialed in the number, raising my phone to my ear.

“You can't even stand on your own, Hinata.” God, I feel like I sound like Sugamama... Team-mom mode: activated.

“I can stand up! Watch!”

I turned away from him. “Uh, h-hello? Yeah, my, um...” — I paused... about 4 seconds longer than I should have. — “ _friend_ fell and is noticeably bleeding on his cheek and neck, I'm sure he has bruises elsewhere, he also hit his head pretty hard...” I looked back to the boy as I finished speaking about him, listening to the operator whilst watching him.

Hinata was rolling onto his side, then onto all fours, then kicking his knees up to his chest, making a pained sound — one that even made me hurt. Then he was slowly standing up, staggering and such, letting out a few light groans, obviously trying to stifle them down but failing at doing so. I did a half-smirk. _Damn he actually—_

He lost his balance.

“Shit—!”

I shot up, abandoning my phone, as I went to catch the falling child. I managed to catch him, with him letting out a pained whimper as I did so, wrapping my arms around him, stumbling a bit but regaining my balance soon after. One arm curled around his body under his left armpit, the antithetical arm wrapping around the outer of his other arm, hands on his back in different places, but relatively close. 

“Dumbass.” I said lowly, just before gently bringing him back down to sit. A little easier said than done, considering the position of how I caught him.

I reached back for my phone. “Hello? Ah, yeah, sorry, he tried standing and almost fell back down again...” I said in an annoyed tone, shooting a momentarily glare at him before looking away. “Huh? Ah! R-right...!” I gave them our relative location before thanking them after they said they were sending some paramedics.

I ended the call and put my phone back in my pocket, looking back to Hinata, bending my legs at their apex and resting my arms on top, looking at Hinata. He didn't look at me, just sat, hunched over. He's going to be mad at me, but I'd rather make sure he's safe.

I didn't understand how he _didn't_ hurt. He didn't seem to be in all that much pain except when he tried to sit up and when he tried to stand. Then again, he could just be able to tolerate it, or maybe he's really good at hiding emotions, pain especially... If that's the case, has he hidden other emotions from me before?

He looked at me, milk chocolate eyes meeting my dark charcoal eyes. “If I told you I was in pain, would you feel obligated to get me some sweets like you promised?”

“Didn't you want meat buns?”

“No, I asked for sweets.”

I furrowed my brows and then shook my head, letting out a quick laugh, turning my head downward a bit. I only moved my eyes to look back up at him, a faint smile on my face. “Sure. Whatever you want.”

I few minutes rolled by, and by then, I was sitting beside him. We were mostly silent because, after a while, he said his cheek hurt too much to talk. The wailing of sirens was heard, and then a couple moments later, the lights were flashing right in front of us and paramedics were hopping out. One of them turned to look at me briefly.

“Sir, can you please stay off to the side?” She said, just before her and a couple others went to inspect Hinata.

I wanted to tell them “no,” but I simply obliged to their orders, figuring it wasn't all that big of a deal to just stand on the sidelines, plus, I didn't want to bother them further and/or cause Hinata more stress. I walked off and away, giving the paramedics their precious space... I leaned back on a fence, folding my arms, head turned downward, though my eyes were trained on the paramedics checking Hinata.

 _Make one false move,_ — if they make him feel uncomfortable or hurt him in any way — _I'll kill you..._ I drawled out that last part in my mind, narrowing my eyes whilst holding a glare towards them.

Hinata ended up pulling out his phone, handing it to a paramedic, sitting on the edge of the back of the ambulance, swinging his legs that were dangling over the edge. I could still see some red, which only continued to beg the question: _How is he not in pain?_ He was looking down. I wonder what he's thinking about... I think he's probably mad at me for calling anyway, disregarding his little plea for me not to. But better an angry Hinata than an injured, sick Hinata. Afterall, we can't have him missing the upcoming practice match against Nekoma in a week...

I felt some weird knot in my stomach. What an inconvenience... I didn't feel like bothering with whatever the hell it was, so I just ignored _whatever the hell it was_.

A paramedic came up to me, grabbing my interest. I looked at him, glancing at Hinata just passed him, still sitting on the edge of the vehicle. I dropped my arms, going to walk in that direction. The paramedic extended an arm, my chest hitting his arm, stopping me; I nearly backhanded him.

“The kid seems to be okay, but we're going to take him to the hospital to finish our check-ups. We've called the mother, and she's going to meet us at the hospital. You should head on home.”

“I can't ride-along?”

“Do you know the boy?”

“He's my friend.” I said, glaring at the man at this point. _Maybe intimidation will work...?_

“Sorry, uh, family only.” he raised a hand to me and then turned away, walking to the vehicle. “Have a nice night. Try not to worry to much.”

_Guess not._

I let out a disappointed huff, watching as the doors closed and the vehicle drive off, sirens wailing once more. 

I suddenly hate the sound of those damn sirens.

I turned in the direction of my home, walking a little ways before bending over to pick up Hinata's bike, which didn't appear to be distorted or anything, lucky kid, starting to walk with it alongside me.

It only occurred to me when I came to that intersection where we part ways that...

_I didn't have a chance to tell him..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that Kageyama's smile near the end isn't supposed to be creepy XD its supposed to be a (cute) ever-so-slight smile.
> 
> I was thinking about splitting this into 2 chapters but then I thought “Why though? ” and said “Fuck it, here ya go!” while pressing the post button. Plus, Im also a little eager (*ahem* overly-excited) to start the next chapter. It can go 3 ways, so I just need'a figure out which route I'm going to take.


	5. Okay Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is angry with himself and is determined to find out if Hinata's okay... he just doesn't have his number.
> 
> He wants to get something off his chest... he just doesn't have the courage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Precious blueberry is conflicted.
> 
> Start of one route I decided to go with. The second part is coming in the next chapter.
> 
> I feel like I rushed through this chapter too fast and the quality is a higher level grade than shit... Like shit with some glitter on it.

I went home anyway, knowing I probably wouldn't be able to catch Hinata tonight. I walked around the side of my house, to the back, leaning the bike up against the backside of the house, walking up to the back doors and opening it, stepping inside. I didn't bother calling out to alert the household I was home, seeing as though it was late and they were probably going off to bed. I walked right passed the kitchen, having lost my appetite, still wondering why he fell — or did I decide he blacked out? — like that.

I walked down the hallway and into my room, tossing my bag onto the floor, holding the door handle behind me. I let out an exasperated breath, debating on if I should shower now and go to bed, or go to bed now and shower in the morning. But... did I _really_ want to go to sleep all sweaty and dirty?

I nodded to myself, walking back out into the hallway and going to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and locked it before proceeding to undress myself. I walked to the shower, stepping inside and shutting the glass door, switching the water on.

 _I must've scared the shit out'a him when I raised my hand like that._ I suddenly bit down hard on my bottom lip, narrowing my eyes as I mentally scolded myself. _And along with that, I made him cry._

“God, I'm such a piece of shit...” I whispered to myself, head hanging low, staring blankly at the shower floor. 

I stood there in the shower until the water ran cold before I actually started to wash myself. By the time I got out, the water was freezing rather than just mildly brisk. My dinner ended up being self-loathing; in other words, I ended up not eating at all, just wallowing in my own hatred. I could even say that's what my shower consisted of, too: bathing in my own self-animosity.

I didn't know what time it was, but I knew that I had been laying flat on my back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling long enough for my hair to dry. My used towel and dirty clothes in a small pile in the corner for me to deal with later.

... I'm starting to generate a list of things I don't want to deal with now; things that I'm putting off until a later date. My procrastination period has begun, and it started with Hinata. 

It's strange, thinking of it like that. I know that his well-being matters and all — what do people call that? Maybe I'll ask my mom in the morning... — but there's something else that's bothering me even more. A whole 'nother feeling. Or maybe it's the same. I don't know. I can never decide.

I looked upward, still laying on my back, to the head of my bed that also acted as a nightstand for me, since it had enough surface space to be just that. I reached an arm back, grabbing my phone before pulling my arm back, holding my phone in front of my face. I stared at it for awhile before finally flipping it open, squinting my eyes at the sudden brightness. I slowly went through my contacts, selecting one, and then going to type in a message, still squinting my eyes.

_[Sugawara-san, do you happen to have Hinata's number?]_

I stared at the message, blinking several times before opening my eyes slightly more, reading it once more before I finally sent it.

I looked at the time at the top of my screen. _12:27._

What am I doing? He's not going to be awake right now, it's too late. “Dammit...”

Still, I typed in and sent another message.

_[Sorry for bothering you so late... It's really important.]_

Why did I never bother to get Hinata's number before?

“Dumbass.” I grumbled to and at myself.

I sent another message; no response.

I started typing in another message.

_[I really n]_

I stopped mid-sentence. He messaged back. I erased what I was typing and immediately went to see what he sent back.

_[Oh, it's okay. Here: ..._

The number.

_... Why's it important? What happened?]_

What do I tell him? As far as I know is what the paramedic said: he's okay. I don't know what happened when he went to the hospital — _he went to the hospital_... — he could've broken a rib or something, maybe I was right and he has a concussion. I... I just don't know.

I stared at the message before slowly typing in _[Thank you.... And he had a little accident and went to the hospital... I'm trying to see if he's okay. I'll get back to you when I find out.]_ — _if_ I find out...

I sent the message.

I saved the number in my contacts then went to type in a new message.

_[It's Kageyama. Are you still at the hospital? What did they say? Are your wounds bad? Are you in pain? Did they give you some medicine? Are you okay?]_

I stared at the message.

And stared...

And stared...

It sounds... _creepy_...

I erased most of it and just left it at _[It's Kageyama. Are you okay?]_

I nodded to myself, finally sending the message and closing my phone, holding it in my hands as I laid my hands on my stomach, staring at the ceiling.

**_Buzzzzzzzz_ **

I reached for my phone at super sonic speed. Unfortunately, I didnt get a good enough grasp, so when I picked it up, I dropped it and it fell on my face and fell down onto my bed. “Fucking—”

I rubbed the place where my phone hit me before reaching for it, flipping it open and looking at the sender.

Sugawara.

I rolled my eyes, having hoped it was Hinata. I still opened the message and read it. He asked what happened again. I guess I wasn't specific enough earlier. I typed in that Hinata just randomly fell, that he scraped up his cheek and neck, and that he hit his head. I sent the message. That's the furthest that I knew.

Just as I sent it, a message from Hinata.

Without realizing, it sat up in my bed quickly, a slight smile on my face that I hadn't realized was present until I opened the message. I smiled without knowing if he was okay. I blame it on being a tad overzealous. That is all.

_[They say I'm okay. Just a little beat up but they want me to stay overnight. I don't know why. Oh well. Thanks for worrying about me, Kageyama-kun!]_

I lowered my phone into my lap. I could tell he was lying; or, rather, he wasn't telling me everything, at least. They don't hold you overnight at the hospital if you're “okay.”

I let out a sigh, lifting my phone back up to send a last message for the night. _[I'm glad you're okay. And don't mention it. It's just something any teammate would do. Will you be at school tomorrow, at least?]_

I'd rather hear the whole truth than be given a simple answer with so many things hidden behind it. But, if he didn't want to tell me, then I'd respect that and not ask about it further.

Soon enough, he replied. _[No, I don't think so. My ma said she didn't want me going. I'll be going to practice tomorrow for sure! If mama says no, I'll just sneak out!]_

His mom doesn't want him going? Is he beat up _that_ bad?

I bit at my lip. I guess I lied, because my final message for the night ended up being: _[I got your bike, by the way. I'll bring it to school tomorrow in case you do show up for practice. Anyway, I'm off to bed. Goodnight, Shouyou.]_ I had already sent it before I realized I typed in “Shouyou.”

Shit.

He's not gonna think that's weird, right? God dammit. I already fucked it up in one text.

Another message for Mr. Semi-Popular for the Night. _[Did you message him yet? Did he get back to you?]_

 _[Yeah. He says that ..._ I paused, furrowing my brows. _... he's okay. He won't be at school tomorrow but he says he's going to try and come to practice tomorrow. Thanks for the number, by the way. Sorry for waking you again. Goodnight, see you tomorrow.]_

I didn't want to go to school tomorrow, just practice. But I don't think my parents would let me just stay home. Faking sick doesn't work, never has... I guess I'll just have to suck it up.

My phone vibrated. I flipped it open. Hinata messaged me back. I swallowed back, going to click open the message slowly.

_[Alright! Thanks for getting my bike and goodnight, Kageyama-kun~!]_

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. At least he didn't bring up me calling him “Shouyou” rather than the usual “Hinata.” And he didn't seem weirded out by it, either.

I typed in another message. It was about why I promised Sugawara to be nicer to him and had him threaten me. Before I could finish the last sentence, I erased it all, leaving my goodnight message at that. I don't think I could tell Hinata why. It's embarrassing and he'll probably laugh at me for it.

I could always leave out the embarrassing part, like he left out the entirety of his hospital stay. I made a silent promise to myself to tell him in person at practice tomorrow. It'd be weird to message him again after I told him goodnight...

I knew damn well it'd turn out to end up on my list of things I don't want to deal with that would _remain_ undealt with. Just didn't want to admit that quite yet.

With that, I shut my phone and put it back on my nightstand, laying back down and rolling onto my side. At least now I can rest easy knowing he's... _okay_. Okay enough to be able to message me back. Okay _enough_.

I let out an exasperated breath, pulling the covers over my body.

He's... okay...

“He's okay...” I whispered to myself, closing my eyes to finally go to bed.

“Okay enough” is good enough for me, at least for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter's going to be so much more fun than this one. It's gonna be great, you're all gonna love it, I promise!
> 
> (I'll probably end up posting it today and pretend like I post it tomorrow June 6th... We'll see by noon EST)


	6. I Hate the Sound of Sirens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's attendance at practice is confirmed!
> 
> Kageyama does something special for Hinata.
> 
> Kageyama is late, and the results are... Let's just say “unsavory.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing.

I had a dream about him.

No. That's a lie. I had a dream about the _whole team_ — us, at the championships; we won.

Why did I think of Hinata first? Is it because he's my partner? Must be. My mind always goes to him first with things like that. I trust him inexplicably. I just hope he trusts me as much as I trust him... I'm sure Daichi and Sugawara feel a similar way about each other, and Asahi and Nishinoya, and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi...

I made a mental note to quit isolating him like that.

**_Beep beep, beep beep, beep beep_ **

The familiar sound of my alarm clock stirred me even more awake than what I was just a couple minutes prior. I opened my eyes fully, blinking a couple times before raising my upper body, propping myself up with my elbow. I tapped the top of my alarm clock, shutting it off, then plopped back down. I reached an arm upwards to grab my phone, pulling back down to hold the device in front of my face, flipping it open.

**_MESSAGE:_ ** _Sugawara_  
**_MESSAGE:_ ** _Nishinoya_  
**_MESSAGE:_ ** _Tanaka_  
**_MESSAGE:_ ** _Asahi_  
**_MESSAGE:_ ** _Daichi_  
**_MESSAGE:_ ** _Yamaguchi_  
**_MESSAGE:_ ** _Hinata_  


My eyes immediately fell onto the name: “Hi-na-ta” I drawled in a whisper, reading the name aloud. I blinked slowly. Once my eyes were open once more, I opened the message, reading it in his voice.

_[You know what I hate about hospitals? They're always so CLEAN. I can't even find any dust in this room. The air is so polluted, how come there isn't any dust in here? Mission of the day: find a dust bunny! ..._

“He's so...”

_... Oh, right. I almost forgot. I'm kind of going to be holed up at the hospital for a few days... But I convinced my mom to let me come to practice Thursday since it'll only be you guys! See you all later!]_

I buried my face into my pillow. “... freaking cute.” I finished, voice muffled by the pillow.

I looked back up, finally noting the recipients at the top... The entire team was listed. Explains the “guys” and “you all”...

His supposed “overnight” stay would end up being 3 days. In other words, he's _not_ okay...

I then noted that he had talked about the hospital so clearly. Did Sugawara tell everyone? Or did Hinata? Either way, it made me feel a little less special. He could've just sent everyone a message separately... Then again, I probably wouldn't feel like going through all that trouble. And, then again, I'd probably only message Hinata.

I sat up in my bed, ignoring the texts from my other teammates, setting my phone down as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. “Mission of the day...:” I repeated Hinata's words. “Get ready and... just make it through until practice... And repeat until Thursday...” I breathed.

  


* * *

  


The messages I received that morning were about Hinata, asking what happened. Yeah, I was the prime guy to ask about it since I was there... I made sure to only give only the volleyball team an answer: he suddenly fell, I fell on top, I got up, he got himself beat up, had a "black out" or something, woke up, seemed confused and a little “off” — more concerned for his bike than himself, didn't appear to be in pain at all, etcetera... — then I called for an ambulance. I also said not to mention it to anyone outside the team.

Especially Nishinoya — because he's kind of big mouth, even without intending to be. Not totally his fault, but I reiterated myself five times not to talk about it. And I even had Asahi reiterate it to him.

Followed by Tsukishima — because he's just a dick. I knew he wouldn't listen to me whatsoever, so I made sure Daichi, Sugawara, and Asahi reiterated it to him. (In other words, they borderline threatened him not to talk about it.) If that doesn't prevent Tsukishima from talking, he's a total piece of shit and I'd probably beat the shit out of him — metaphorically for his personality and physically — so he winded up in the hospital too.

The team ended up keeping both of them and one another in check. I was pleased, and I'm sure Hinata would appreciate it.

When I told them, I may or may not have left out that he was incredibly angry and was crying because of me, but when he woke up he seemed relatively cheerful and didn't seem to be angry anymore...

Something that didn't make sense to me was that I told him I'd meet him after school. He acknowledged me and said “Okay, meet me at the door or the bike racks.”... But didn't remember that when I told him later when it was time to do just that. He could've just gotten to distracted and it totally slipped his mind. This was also left out.

Something else that didn't make sense was his change in what he wanted: meat buns to sweets. Then again, it could've been what he felt like instead then and there. This was also-also left out.

The days that followed after went by strangely fast, but I'll have to thank Hinata for that, since we exchanged texts a lot all through it. Even through those days, however, I never told him about it. He also never asked. Maybe he's choosing not to think about it; or maybe he forgot that, too...

  


* * *

  


As soon as the dismissal bell sounded on that Thursday, I shot up like a rocket and was hasty in getting out of the main building. That morning, it totally slipped my mind about what Hinata asked me to get him, so I figured I'd go somewhere just before practice. At least this way whatever I get him will be fresher.

I ended up taking Hinata's bike with me, figuring it'd be a faster trip, though I would still wind up being a bit late to practice. I thought about getting him some pocky or umaibo or some other packaged sweet snack, but I'd long since decided against it. He deserves something better, something _fresh_.

It took an extra 15-20 minutes to find an actual pastry shop, but I managed to find one. I hopped off the bike, walking inside the shop. The sweet aroma was the first thing I noticed, followed by the cool brown color inside that was probably designed to relax. It made me relax. Milk chocolate colored pillows... A similar chocolate brown color to Hinata's eyes, but the color inside those orbs is far more exquisite, far more beau—

 _What?_

No. That's not a word I should use. That sounds terrible. Oh, God. I would never. He's my teammate, my partner — my _volleyball_ partner! I don't like him like that. Strictly friends. Strictly... friends...

I got up to the glass window next to the register, looking at all the sweets laid out. _What would Hinata like?_ I asked myself. I quickly realized i didnt know as much about him as I thought. I extended my index finger, bending over slightly, swirling my finger around in the air as I sorted through the variety of deserts.

I stopped pointing and settled my eyes on one thing. “Daifuku.” I said, followed by a select few fillings; one of each they had listed, so he could try them all. I went up to the register, watching as the woman boxed up the little sphere sweets and finally put the box in a bag to carry easily. I handed her the money owed, took my change, grabbed the bag, thanked her, and left, tucking my money back away into my bag, swinging it over my shoulder comfortably before getting back onto the bike, bag in the _very convenient_ basket on the bike. I pedaled faster back to the highschool since I knew exactly where I was going this time around.

  


* * *

  


Just about 10 minutes, and I was back at Karasuno. I hopped off the bike and parked it at the racks again, taking the bag out of the basket. I started walking towards the school, the sound of sirens wailing and coming closer.

This just isn't a good week for _anyone_ , is it?

Then it grew inexplicably loud and didn't fade. I heard Coach Ukai and a couple other voices calling “Over here!” though I hadn't looked towards them.

I furrowed my brows, looking over my shoulder, eyes narrowing gradually more and more. The ambulance was parked at the school.

 _No. He's okay. Hinata's just fine..._ I whispered silently.

The paramedics rushed out and ran just passed me. I looked forward to see where they were going.

 _Please don't—_ I begged, a hand raising and reaching out as if I could touch one of them.

 _Don't turn towards the gym..._ I was speed walking at this point.

They turned towards the gym, and I burst into a sprint in the same direction. They were just ahead, entering the gym. I could see Coach Ukai, Daichi, and Asahi just ahead of them. They were the ones who were calling for the paramedics just a few moments prior.

_Please, God, no. Don't do this..._

I burst into the gym to see Hinata shaking uncontrollably on the floor. No, I don't think “shaking” could describe it right. It was far more, like thrashing around. Even his head was in the irregular rhythm. The team was just around him in a circle. I stopped in my tracks, staring at the scene before me. 

“It's definitely a seizure.” A paramedic said, though because I was some distance away, it was low; and I, because I'm a hopeless child, was still in denial, even though the evidence was presented right before me.

“Wha—?” I walked over speedily to the little circle everyone made around Hinata.

Shaking — _thrashing_ ; — gurgling, choking sounds; eyes wide open. It was horrifying.

He was just fine this morning when I texted him... What happened?

“Everyone, clear out please.”

I stood there, unable to move, staring down at him, lips parted like I was going to say something. I didn't. Too much of a shock; this was only a reaction. I could never hope to find something to say.

Hinata was put onto his side now, a paramedic securing his head, and another making sure his body remained on his side. He was still thrashing and making those choking sounds, a bit of drool escaping his mouth.

I hadn't noticed the others had left until I felt Coach Ukai touch my shoulder. “C'mon.” He said, patting my shoulder a couple times.

“I—”

He pulled me gently, turning my body away. I was still looking over my shoulder, letting myself be clumsily led out of the gym.

A couple paramedics ran towards us, then passed us, and around a corner. I was outside, standing at the bottom of the steps with my eyes trained on the ground, when they came back with a stretcher. I slowly looked at them, watching as they went back inside.

I peeked inside, the rest of the team talking amongst one another, seeing that Hinata had stopped shaking, he just laid... _still_.

 _Perfectly_ still...

 _Painfully_ still...

Like a corpse...

He looked positively... _dead_...

Unlike me, who had wobbly, unsteady knees — are they going to buckle from underneath me? Are they going to keep me upright? They _cant_ give out; not yet... _I just need to..._ — and my hands were shaking — am I going to drop this bag or not? — one hand shaking in a weak fist, the other dangling helplessly.

What do I want to do?

What do I need to do?

I don't want anything — just him to be okay.

I don't need anything — just him... to be _fucking okay_.

The paramedics laid him on the stretcher and strapped him down before going to wheel him to the steps and carry him down. His eyes were open, but he looked overwhelmingly exhausted. His milk chocolate orbs staring blankly upward, not moving in the slightest.

I didn't hesitate whatsoever before I grabbed the side of the stretcher, running alongside with the paramedics. “Hinata...” I paused, sucking in a breath. “You're going to be okay, remember? No, no. You _are_ okay. Don't worry about it.” I raised the bag a bit, showing it to — the practically lifeless — Hinata. “I got your sweets you wanted.” I said, voice cracking. “So you have to be okay so you can eat 'em, alright?” My voice almost totally gave out, so the “alright?” turned into a whisper.

He didn't say anything. He didn't make a sound. He didn't look at me. He didn't blink.

Yeah. He was the next thing from lifeless.

I stopped when the paramedics stopped and got him up into the back of the ambulance.

I looked up at one of the paramedics, asking what hospital they were going to. They told me, and I was already off to the bike racks, luckily knowing the exact hospital since I'd been there before for a broken leg. I didn't plan on going to practice at all because Hinata's health and well-being is a hell of a lot more important. I'm sure the team would assume and be fine with it. I mean, why would they be mad anyway?

I got on top of the bike, getting ready to start pedaling, my bag swung over my shoulder and the bag of sweets in the basket.

The sound of wailing sirens.

I looked over and watched as the ambulance drove out and turned to go down the road, sirens growing quieter and quieter.

 _I_ hate _the sound of those damn sirens..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you'd read a happy/fluffy chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> I still regret nothing.  
>  
> 
> 0 to 100 real quick(?), hm?
> 
> I wrote in the word “unsavory” before I wrote about the sweets, but it turned out to be like... well... you know...  
> It's unintentional and it... Fuck it I'm just gonna stop.


	7. Daifuku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata wakes up in the hospital and gets an interesting surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama getting ballsy...

Do you know that feeling when you just wake up and have no idea where you are? Or maybe you do, you just have no recollection of _how_ you got there? Mine is the latter, and I didn't know the feeling until this morning.

I opened my eyes into tired slits, blinking slowly. A plain white ceiling with painfully bright white lights overhead. I knew that if the lights in my room were on, it was dark outside. I looked over to the window to test me theory. Yeah. It's night. So I was either out for an entire day, or just a couple hours. I turned my head to look back up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes tight before relaxing, though I kept my eyes closed, exhaling deeply.

My entire body ached and throbbed and stung.

Would this become a “normal” for me?

I opened my eyes again at the sound of the door opening, looking towards the area as a nurse came into view from behind a curtain, dragging a small cart behind her. I let out a deep breath again but then looked away and stared up at the ceiling.

“It's nice to see you're awake, Shouyou.”

“Hinata.” I grumbled, casting a momentary glare in her direction. I was looking back up at the ceiling, but I could see her glance at me in my peripheral vision. 

_“—Hinata.”_ She corrected herself with a smile before returning to a neutral expression as she continued. “Can you sit up for me?” I looked at her as she walked to the side of my bed, pulling my body away slightly.

I blinked a couple times, grabbing hold of one of the side rails on the bed with one hand, pulling myself up slightly. I let out a slight choking sound. Apparently I fell on my side some days ago... That must've been the side. The nurse reached out to help me. “No!” I breathed, glaring at her. “I can do it on my own.” She sighed and pulled away. I pulled my body up a little more, planting my elbow-forearm into the bed, propping myself up. I pulled my body up more, planting my hand into the bed and pulling myself up fully.

I was sitting up, leaning forward so I didn't fall back onto my back again. I was breathing heavily, but still tried to hide that fact by focusing on my breathing, making sure I breathed as slowly as possible. My hands were clumsily laid in my lap, I stared at them as I continued to focus on my breathing.

A few moments later, I sat up straight, stretching my arms, letting out a mildly pleasant/content sigh.

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired.”

“Are you in pain?”

“It's tolerable.” An annoyance and overall inconvenience, but it wasn't unbearable, just irritating.

“I'll notify the doctor. Meanwhile...” She paused, reaching back to the cart, back turned towards me before she turned around a minute later, holding two small cups in front of me.

Nighttime medication.

I let out a saddened, mildly irritated and disappointed sigh before taking both cups. I looked inside the smaller of the two, eyeing the four pills inside. I furrowed my brows, lifting it to my mouth, letting the pills intrude followed by a quick couple of swallows of water, finishing off the liquid.

I put the smaller cup inside the bigger one, handing them back to the nurse.

“Do you feel nauseas? Feel dizzy? Have a headache?”

“No; hungry. No; tired, again...” _It's standing beside me._ “No.”

She nodded, checking the systems beside and behind me. “Going to check your vitals in a minute here...” She turned to jot some things down on a paper.

She stood beside me again, pulling the small cart closer. “Open your mouth.” I did so. She stuck the end of a thermometer under my tongue, I shut my mouth but made sure not to bite down. A light beep and it was out. She made a note of that number. “Arm, please.” I lifted my arm, letting her wrap the “bear hugger” — I call it that because I don't know the name of it, and I've been told it's “just like a bear hug!” Spoiler alert: it's not; a hell of a lot less claws and blood — she squeezed the pump a select number of times then let it release. She made a note of that number, too.

She nodded. “Seems you're all good for now. A nurse will be back to check up on you in a couple hours after visitation.” She grabbed her things, placing the file on top of the cart as she began to wheel it out.

“W-what do you mean ‘visitation’?”

She didn't look at me, just kept walking. “Your mothers here, of course. You were passed out when she first got here, so she's been in the waiting room. I'll let her in.”

The sound of a door closing.

A few minutes, then the door opened again and my mom appeared soon after, followed by little Natsu. It was obvious my mom had been crying earlier. I felt guilty, even though it wasn't totally my fault. Natsu didn't know the entirety, just knew I was sick so I didn't expect her to cry. But she did, however, comment about the bandages on my left cheek and neck. My mother told her some white lie. The questions came to a cessation.

I gave them a warm smile. “I hope you weren't waiting too long!”

My mother wrapped her arms around me into a hug, and Natsu ended up climbing on top of the bed to hug me from the other side.

It hurt like hell, but I sucked it up and stifled all possible noises that could erupt from my throat.

My mom pulled back and stood at my bedside, though Natsu had laid down, head in my lap. I started brushing through her hair. She'd probably fall asleep.

“Where's dad?”

No response, just a long pause.

Silence.

... I hate the silence.

Natsu perked up. “He went on that business trip two days ago, silly!” she said with a laugh, sitting up.

“Oh...” I murmured.

“He's coming back in a few days. Don't worry. Maybe I'll bring the laptop so you two can get on a video call tomorrow?”

I smiled. “That'd be nice.”

We talked for awhile before they had to leave, Natsu having to go to bed and school the next day.

“Your friend is in the waiting room.”

I raised a brow, tilting my head.

“Ka... geyama? Isn't he on your team?”

I perked up instantly, nodding. “Y-yeah, he is. Are you sure he's still here?”

“I'm sure. I don't think he biked all this way for nothing.” she laughed lightly before starting to walk out, holding Natsu's hand. “I'll tell the doctors to let him in.”

He biked all the way here? This is a long distance from his house. Maybe ten miles...

I waited another few minutes, though it felt like an hour, before I heard the door open again. I looked over.

There he was...

“Tobio...” I murmured, practically too low to be considered audible.

He let out an exasperated breath, walking over to my bed. Once he got there, he raised the bag and set it down on my lap. “The sweets you asked for.”

My eyes brightened as I went to pull the box out of the bag and open it. “What is i—” he had a hand on the mattress, the other reaching out as if he was going to pull me into a hug or something. Instead, he started fiddling with the machines behind me.

“What's all this for?”

“Huh?” I turned my body slightly, turning my head the rest of the way to look at the machines. “One of them regulates my pulse and stuff, another does... I don't know what it does. Oh well, but this one is supposed to be regulating my brainwaves.” I pointed to one that had a bunch of wires extended that came into contact with my head. I sat forward again, grabbing one of the sweets. “Also have a couple cameras in here and an audio recorder.”

“Why? The-the, uh, brainwave thing?”

“For the, um...” I paused, taking a bite of the round sweet. My eyes brightened and I ended up shoving the rest in my mouth. “This is really good! What is it?”

“Daifuku. Glad you seem to like it. I got one of each flavor at the shop so you could, um, sample them all.”

I chewed for a little while then swallowed, grabbing another one. “Careful not to spoil me,” I laughed. “And you know that saying about feeding stray animals and they wind up coming back? I'll be asking for more food from you from now on~” I hummed, looking at him with big eyes.

“I wouldn't mind.” He paused. “The brainwave thing?”

“Oh, right, right, right... For the seizures. Same with the cameras and stuff.” I took another bite, looking up at him as I chewed.

“Seizure... _s_? How many have you had?”

I shrugged. “I'm not sure. Apparently they can also happen when I'm asleep, and I usually lose consciousness anyway.” I finished it off, looking around the room. “They seem to think that when I fell off my bike that I had a seizure. I forgot what they called it, but it's when you don't actually shake and stuff, you just are _still_. It's weird.” I took a bite of another one, moving my feet around.

“So what is it?”

I tilted my head, looking up at him with confused eyes.

“What do you have?”

“Daifuku, apparently.”

He dropped his gaze into a mildly annoyed glare, leaning towards me. “You know what I meant.”

I pulled my head back, still looking at him in the eyes. “Um... I don't know.”

“Do you _really_ not know? Or are you just avoiding it?”

“I—” I looked away at that point. “They think it may be epilepsy, but I'm still waiting for an MRI scan.”

“MRI scan?”

“I don't know the exact purpose buuut” I looked back at him “I _do_ know that it's kind of like a picture of your brain. I think they said it's black and white, but I heard something about getting a colored one so I guess both.”

He let out a sigh and pulled back, so I pulled myself forward, now sitting straight. “Why don't you sit down? Stay awhile.” He glanced at me before looking around the room. Soon enough, he was walking across the room, sitting down in a chair.

“Don't be a stranger! Come closeeeerr.” I said in a bit of a pouty voice. Sure enough, he stood back up, grabbing the chair to drag it closer to the bed. He stopped at the foot of the bed, looking at me for confirmation. I shook my head. He came closer, now right beside my bed. Again, looking at me. I simply smiled, humming as I grabbed another little desert. I took a bite of it, lowering my hand to rest on my lap. He sat down, looking at me.

“Do you want one?”

He raised an eyebrow, leaning back in the chair. “I got them for you.”

“I wouldn't be offering if I wasn't willing to give you one.”

He stared at me for awhile before getting up just enough to hover over the bed, not fully standing, leaning in to take the daifuku that was in my hand.

He looked right at me, so we ended up making direct eye contact. He opened his mouth, taking the remaining bit of the sweet, tongue just barely swiping my index and middle finger tips before he bit down lightly on the soft sweet and pulled back to sit down.

I widened my eyes, cheeks getting hot.

“W-w-what the hell was that?!”

He had looked away by now. “You offered, so I took.” he murmured coolly, as if whatever the hell that was didn't happen.

“I didn't mean the one in my hand!”

He was smirking devilishly, mischievously. I didn't trust it, therefore I didn't like it.

“Why are you smirking?” I grumbled, wiping my fingers off on the blanket.

He looked back at me, chuckling lightly. “No reason.”

“D-don't do that again. It-it's weird...”

I puffed out my cheeks, grabbing another one and stuffing it all in my mouth. I didn't trust he wouldn't do that again, so I was being cautious.

He got up again and I raised both arms defensively.

He leaned towards me again. It was only then that I noticed his cheeks were a little pink. _Is he blushing?_ He grabbed one of my arms, his other raising and coming close to my face. “You have something on your face here.”

“Eh?” I dropped my defensive stance, starting to wipe my face with my free hand.

“A little rouge on your cheeks here...” He cupped my face, thumb gracing my cheek, barely a few inches from my face and he was still coming closer, his eyes going from looking at me, to my chin (at least I assumed it to be), back at my eyes, then back down to my neck (... At least I hoped it was). He'd gotten a few centimeters from my face when he parted his lips ever so slightly.

Is he—?

Instinctively I raised my free hand just before he reached my face and—

_Smack_

Even _I_ had to do a double take on what the hell had just happened. I sat there, one hand raised, my other arm being held, and Kageyama's head turned away from me slapping him. He let go of my wrist, rubbing his cheek, lowering his head. He didn't look at me whatsoever.

Oh shit...

My eyes were wide open as I continued to stare at him, slowly lowering my arms to where I was gripping the rails on the bed. “Kageyama, I—”

He had turned his back towards me, raising a single hand, though not in a fashion that was threatening; it was a signal to stop. “It's fine.” he said, voice low, almost like a whisper. He started walking away. “Sorry. I-I shouldn't have tried to do that. I'm sorry.” He still didn't even _glance_ at me.

I reached a hand out to grasp the fabric of his shirt. He was too far away for me to actually latch on.

“Kageyama, wait!”

He kept walking.

The door opened. A long pause. Then shut once again.

I pulled arm back, holding it close to my chest, staring at the box still on my lap. I closed the box, put it in the bag, then placed it on the table next to my bed.

The room was quiet aside from the beeping of the machines. The nurse would be coming back soon, and then it'd be lights-out for the night. As it looked, I wouldn't be going to school the next day. I wouldn't be able to see him until after school during visiting hours, but that, too, didn't look promising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't say Kageyama didn't try.


	8. Walking On Eggshells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's volleyball team visits him, and someone asks him a question he would rather not answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I'm getting overly excited about a bunch of chapters. And I'm rushing through getting finished with what I already have, even though I'm only posting 1 chapter each day... I needa chill and put more effort into upcoming chapters...
> 
> *Doesn't listen to self anyway*

The day was rather boring and consisted of me laying in the hospital bed, taking morning vitals at 6am, being woken up for breakfast at 7, not eating said breakfast, taking morning meds at 8, watching the TV, skipping through a bazillion channels; being brought lunch, only taking a couple bites, getting a check-up, being prodded, getting bandages changed... The only thing I had to look forward to was dinner, since I knew my mother would be coming for dinner time visitation, and that some of the guys from the team would be coming after.

5pm: dinner time.

Mom didn't show up.

About an hour later I heard the door open, and I immediately got to sitting up with a few minor groans. I had a smile of anticipation on my face, though it disappeared right as the nurse pulled the curtain back. Luckily it was Mrs. Hideyoshi, one of the nurses I actually liked. Still, I was disappointed.

She pulled the little cart next to my bed, messing around with a few bottles before handing me the smalle cup. She turned to my table, grabbing the pitcher and pouring a decent amount into the cup. She set the pitcher back down, handing me the cup. I took the medicine without complaint, handing her both to throw away.

“You know I've been meaning to ask what was with that boy yesterday?” She said, tapping at the box inside the bag with her pen before leaning forward to look at a machine, pressing a couple buttons, then pulling back and writing something on the paper.

”... What do you mean?” I tried to play dumb. Surely she didn't—

“You _do_ remember there are cameras in this room, _right_?”

She knew.

“H-he's a friend.” I murmured, cheeks growing a little hot. “I-it was like, um, instinct or something like that.”

She held the thermometer just in front of me, I took the little stick, placing it under my tongue. It beeped and I pulled it back out, handing it to her. “I mean—”

“Do you like him?”

“Yeah, of course! He's my teammate!”

“Shouyou...”

I hesitated.

“I don't want to.” I lifted my arm a bit, letting her wrap the bear hugger around my upper arm. I laid my arm back down, relaxing my muscles. “He didn't care for me before all this. He even promised one of the third-years he wouldn't be mean to me — because Sugawara threatened to bench him. But suddenly I fall one time, and he's all over me.”

“I'm not saying I condone it; but if he made you feel uncomfortable, then you did the best thing for that situation.”

“You know you're lucky I like you.” I murmured as she took the wrap off my arm and jotted down some more numbers.

She simply smiled at me before going to push the cart back out. “You've got quite the number of visitors in the waiting room, and I'm guessing one of the boys is that ‘Sugawara’ you mentioned... I'll send 'em in.” She waved me off one final time before leaving.

It was about ten minutes before the door opened again. I honestly expected it to be a nurse telling me my friends weren't there. Which is why it took so long, trying to find some way to tell me.

It wasn't.

Nishinoya ran into the room, practically jumping onto the bed, but he hadn't, he just wrapped his arms around me squeezing me tight.

“What the hell have you been doing? You haven't responded to any of my messages—!”

“Nishinoya, I already told you that coach Ukai grabbed his things he left and called his mom in to retrieve them...” Sugawara said as he rounded the corner, walking up to the bed and looking at me. He looked sad behind the eyes but still managed to put on a shining smile.

I wonder if he could teach me that trick...?

Daichi had to pry Nishinoya off of me so he could finally let go of me, allowing Sugawara to come in and hug me for a few moments. “Have they been treating you nicely?” He pulled away, inspecting me. 

“Uh, y-yeah?”

“Hinata, what's all this equipment for?”

Daichi asked.

“Um, brain monitoring” I pointed at the wires on my head before pointing at another machine “heart rate and some other stuff... I don't really remember, honestly.”

“When will you be getting out?” Nishinoya pouted.

I shrugged. “I don't know. But I think pretty soon.” I looked passed the three to where the entrance was. “Are you the only ones who showed up?”

“Oh, no...” Daichi said “They only allow three people at a time.”

“Everyone wanted to go in first so we ended up doing a bunch of things like Rock Paper Scissors to see who would go... But someone was cheating so we ended up drawing sticks.”

“How do you cheat at Rock Paper Scissors?” I asked.

“Why don't you ask T—?”

Sugawara slapped his hand over Nishinoya's mouth. “I told you not to say his name.”

“Is Kageyama out there?”

I interrupted Sugawara's scolding.

Sugawara returned his attention to me, releasing Nishinoya. “... He said you were mad at him, so he went home. Didn't really ask him about it.”

“Oh...”

“What'd you guys fight about?”

“Nishinoya!”

I swallowed back, looking off and away, careful not to make eye contact. “Eh. I don't really wanna talk about it...” I chuckled nervously.

“Sorry...”

I messed with the edge of my blanket with my hands, looking towards the window. “It's nice to see you guys, but it sucks you have to see me in this state.”

“I think this is better than seeing you on the floor sh— Ah!” Daichi started dragging Nishinoya out of the room.

“Alright, we're trading off this one...”

Then I was left alone with Sugawara.

“Sorry for Nishinoya.” He laughed nervously. “He doesn't quite have a filter on his mouth...”

“It's fine.” I said.

There was a bit of a pause, then Sugawara was looking at the bag next to my table. “What's that?”

I looked at the bag. “It's, uh, daifuku. Kageyama brought it for me.”

Sugawara smirked, “Oohhh.” He drawled suggestively, giving me a strange look I'd never seen before. I didn't know what he was hinting at. I also never asked for specification. He looked back to the bag, a faint smile still present. “That's the same bag he was carrying when you...”

I let out a huff. “You guys can say it, y'know.” I grumbled. “It's not like it's going to offend me or something... I think you all feel as though you have to walk on eggshells with me now.”

“Sorry.” He sat himself up at the foot of my bed, careful not to sit on my feet. “Didn't wanna embarrass you with it...”

“So... What happened when I started seizing?”

Sugawara nodded his head side to side before finally settling and looking straight at me. “You had jumped and then fell, obviously, then started shaking and thrashing and making choking sounds so Coach Ukai called for an ambulance. The team was circled around you when they got there, they rolled you onto your side, told us to leave... Kageyama didn't, he just stood and stared — probably in shock — so coach had to help him out. We were talking about it a bit outside the gym, though Kageyama was still all stiff standing at the bottom of the steps. They wheeled a stretcher in, got you on top, strapped you down, then wheeled you out. The team looked over at you when they finally got you out of the gym. You appeared to be awake but you didn't move or blink so I think you were unconscious... Kageyama started running alongside them and...” He shrugged, looking around the room. “I saw his lips moving but I don't know what he said... They got you in the ambulance and I remember seeing Kageyama bike off. Didn't ask him where he was going, but obviously we know now that he came to visit you... I don't remember him ever having a bike...”

“I-it's my bike, actually. He said he was going to bring it to practice to return it. We see how well that worked out, huh?” I laughed nervously.

“Hinata...”

He said, voice unusually low. I looked at him, a little anxious due to the strange tone in his voice.

“What?”

He looked back at me dead in the eye, leaning towards me, his eyes filled with some other unusual, strange emotion.

“What happened between you and Kageyama yesterday?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaaagsss, just goooo, visit your boi, ya lil shit.
> 
> I always hated those 6am vital checks. Why the fuck can't we do that at some reasonable time? Like 8?? Oh, and then they let you go back to sleep just to wake you up again at 7 for breakfast. What the actual fuck?
> 
> My #1 on my list of things I hated about the hospital.


	9. And If I'm Lucky?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Sugawara have a little talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quality rating: -9
> 
> Summary sounds really boring XD but I think the end of this chapter is good (don't you dare skip to the ending, you lil shit!)

_“What happened between you and Kageyama yesterday?”_

I blinked quickly. “Eh?”

He continued to look at me dead in the eyes.

Honestly, he looked intimidating. I've never seen that look on his face before — he just always looks felicific and welcoming... Maybe what intimidated me about how he looked was the fact that I didn't know what feelings were behind his expression and, well, I've never seen him look this... scary.

“Y-you just got mad at Nishinoya for asking!”

“Because it's Nishinoya.” He paused, exhaling deeply. “Can't you trust me?”

“I mean, pfft, I already trust you...”

“But?”

“But it-it's weird to talk about! Why don't you just ask Kageyama?!”

He pulled himself back from me, sitting up. “I didn't want to talk about Kageyama like this because it isn't really my place...” He looked down at his shoes, gripping the edge of the bed. “But I'm sure you'd find out sure enough. Or maybe you did, that's why you two had issues...”

I clenched my teeth, “Just spit it out already!”

“He has a crush on you.”

As if I wasn't red enough already, I just went full-on tomato red. I looked down, trying to hide my face the best I could. I guess I could've gotten that last night because of what he did. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe it.

“I don't think you should treat the person you like so poorly...” I murmured.

How could he like me with how he treats me on a day-to-day basis? He would call me names, get mad at me over stupid things or nothing at all, and he even went to hit me a few times. No. I don't think he likes me. Maybe it's that he didn't before, but now he feels pity over me, feels like I'm a small child that needs to be babysat.

“It's no secret he's never had any real friends.”

Bluntness rating maxed out, Suga.

“... He doesn't know how to talk to people like a, um... ‘normal’ person. He doesn't know how to express his feelings either, so he ends up displaying them negatively as anger. He's never had anyone around to really help him with that...” He slid off the bed, standing up. “It's why he came to me a couple weeks ago, asking me to help him treat you better.” He laughed, “Which was easier said than done, so I figured his love for volleyball could work out in our favor; I told him I'd have him benched if he treated you poorly. I think it's helped a little bit.”

I gritted my teeth, furrowing my brows downward. I didn't know what to say in response to that, so I just remained silent.

For awhile there was nothing but the sound of machines whirring and beeping.

“Hinata?”

I glanced at him for a split second, not moving my head, then just continued to stare at my hands in my lap.

“What are you thinking?”

“I'm not. I don't really—I don't know what to say or think.”

“Do you feel like telling me what happened now?”

I shrugged, blinking slowly a couple times, straightening my posture and looking at him. “I don't know, he did some weird thing... with, um, taking a bit of daifuku out of my hand.” I groaned, lifting my head up, “it's so embarrassing.”

“You don't have to explain in detail.”

“And he also tried kissing me, but then I slapped him.” I plopped down onto my back. “He apologized and left... He wouldn't even look at me...” I put my hands over my face. “I feel so guilty...”

“Why'd you slap him?”

I bit my lip, lowering my arms. “I-I don't know... 'Cause impulse or instinct or something?” I shot back up into a sitting position. “Wh-wh-what would you do if someone did that to you? Some _boy_?”

“Do you dislike him?”

“N-no?”

“Why are you saying it like a question?”

“I-I mean, yeah I like him but I feel like I shouldn't.”

“Why?”

“Because he's my teammate and-and because he-he's a _guy_!”

“So?”

“ _So?_ So guys don't usually like other guys and do that stuff!”

“What stuff?”

_God, you're torturing me._

“I don't know! Like...” I paused. “L-like kissing, for one!”

“If you're happy, then what does it matter if ‘guys don't usually like other guys’ and do things like kissing?”

I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my knees, chin just on top. I didn't know how to respond again.

“Hinata...?”

I looked down, resting my forehead on top of my knees. “I don't know.” I let out a sigh. “Why did you wanna help Kageyama?”

“... Well it was already bad enough seeing you guys fight all the time over practically nothing. Plus, I do support it. And I would support you two, if that were to happen.”

“Why do you support it anyway? Like, it doesn't weird you out or anything?”

“Well... If a boy likes a girl, then okay. If a girl likes a girl, then okay. If a boy likes a boy, then okay. I don't care either way because it's not like it's going to affect me personally. And I also have a boyfriend of my own, so it'd make no sense if I didn't support that kind of happiness with anyone else, right?””

“What should I do though?”

“That's your decision to make.”

“I wanna see him, but I don't think he'd want to see me... ”

“Oh, I doubt that. He—”

The door opened and we both went silent.

Asahi and Tanaka came in.

Sugawara let out an annoyed groan before looking over, smiling. “Hey, guys.” and just like that, he looked his normal cheery self.

How does he manage to do that?

I cleared my throat, lifting my head off my knees, tilting my head slightly, smiling wide with eyes shut tight. Sugawara may be able to hide his emotions in his eyes, but I sure as hell can't.

I opened my eyes, returning to a mostly-neutral expression, corners of my mouth slightly turned upward. “You know, I would think that you and Nishinoya would come in at the same time, Asahi.”

“Oh, yeah. We would have, but we ended up drawing straws for who would come in first.” He walked up to the bed. “Does that stuff hurt?” He reached for the wires on my head, but I slapped his hands away.

“Ah! S-sorry Asahi-san! The scans will mess up if the wires are touched. Sorry!” I apologized again for slapping his hands. He looked terrified and ended up apologizing to me. I told him it was nothing, then the room ended up filling with our voices — me, Sugawara, Asahi, and Tanaka — until it was time for another switch-off.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. Tsukishima remained mostly quiet, but still said a few things that's were semi-sympathetic... He's a professional asshole, so I'll take it. And Yamaguchi ended up being very talkative; he talked about absolutely everything, never asking about the machines or anything related to the seizure or anything. I think it was because he felt pity for me and didn't want me to think about it. I'm silently grateful, because for that forty or so minutes... I was so immersed into those conversations that I forgot my mother hadn't shown up and that it totally slipped my mind about what the doctor told me a couple days prior:

I have 3 years left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this on 2 hour drive to doctor's. I passed maybe 20 minutes. Time to look at AMVs that'll make me cry — my rule of thumb for AMVs: if it doesn't make me fanboy, or if it doesn't make me cry, it's no good. And fanfics: if it doesn't make me cry, it's no good and I didn't have a good time.
> 
> What can I say? I kind'a like torturing myself like that XD


	10. 4 Over 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama finally visits Hinata and the two do something Kageyama doesn't expect to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omf... So much blood work. These people got like over a dozen vials and I'm just like “Why???so???fucking???many???” And now I'm just wondering how you can get a bruise from a needle. Explanation anyone? No? Okay.
> 
>  
> 
> 4/20 blaze it, guys.
> 
> You know what that means? Right, so if you're against that sort'a thing just see yourselves out XD

If I had just thought about it a little more — no, if I had just thought about it for a _split second_ — it wouldn't have gone to absolute shit. I wouldn't have messed it up. I wouldn't have totally fucked any sliver of a chance at—

**_Buzzzzzzzz_**

I jumped at the sudden sound of my phone vibrating on my table. I wouldn't have, on normal circumstance, but, for one, I didn't expect to get any messages and, second, I was distracted — debatably deep in thought, at that. 

Here I am, on a Sunday morning, worrying about an event that happened two days ago...

I sat up in my bed, turning my body so that I was leaning my back against the wall, reaching for my phone as I flipped it open. I stared at the name for awhile before finally clicking to open it.

_[What are you doing?]_

_[... Sitting in bed. Why?]_

_[Why aren't you here?]_

“Here”?

_[At the hospital?]_

_[Duh.]_

That isn't very Sugawara of you...

_[Hinata's upset with me. He isn't going to want to see me. I told you this already...]_

_[Idiot, ..._

What?

_... Quit being a freaking baby!]_

Complete realization: it definitely isn't Sugawara, it's dumbass Hinata.

_[Why the hell are you using Sugawara's phone?]_

_[My mom didn't bring mine. Needed to talk to you. Why don't you get it and bring it to me?]_

What the actual fuck is going on?

No. I knew what was happening, just didn't feel all that real to me.

I stared at the words a little while longer and went to reply, but I hadn't sent another text. Instead, I found myself standing up, trading off my pajama pants for actual pants, pulling on a white v-neck shirt, slipping into some socks, then finally some sneakers.

Why do I let him have such a hold on me? I hadn't even told anyone I was leaving because within a couple minutes, I was outside, grabbing Hinata's stupid little bike and off riding down the road. I knew I could go as far as that intersection where we always split after practice, but that was it. So once I got to the edge of my driveway, I pulled my phone out, finally sending a text of response.

_[What's your address?]_

And left it at that, starting to pedal down the road. I saw it as enough time to have him reply by the time I got to the intersection.

After a short while, I stopped pedaling, holding myself up by planting one shoe into the ground. I exhaled deeply, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I never got his number, or his address... Good job, Kageyama. Yeah, you're doing great.

Message from Hinata containing his address. Like I had guessed — he'd get back to me by the time I got here. So, once again, I was pedaling down the road, cellphone in hand as I continued going down the roads.

  


* * *

  


It took a good forty minutes. One, because I didn't know where I was going — I really hardly ever know where I'm going frequently, don't I? — and two, because I lost my breath riding on all the hills. I also really seem to like numbers in increments of 2, don't I?

I hopped off the bike, pushing the kickstand down with one foot. I looked at the house. Only now did I hesitate going. But I invested myself this far, right?

I let out an exasperated breath, walking up to the front door, raising my right arm to knock on the door. I used that arm to wrap around my chest and grasp onto my left frontal shoulder. My heart was running a marathon at this point, and I'm pretty sure I'd end up passing out. God, why am I so nervous? I'm only getting his phone. I should be this nervous when I go back to the hospital to bring it to him...

I heard the door unlock.

_Abort mission! Abort mission!_

The door opened.

Instead of an older woman or man, there was a small orange fluff of hair.

“Woah. You actually came, Kageyama-kun. I thought you were just teasing me there!”

_Wait, what?_

“Quit making that face!”

Yeah. I was probably making the most confused, dumbfounded countenance ever. Who wouldn't be?

“Kageyama?” He started poking my cheek.

I grabbed his hand, staring him down. “Why the hell aren't you at the hospital?!”

“I got out this morning.” He started wriggling his arm around, so I let go.

Why wasn't I informed he was getting out today?

“Why'd you tell me to go to the hospital then?”

“I didn't wanna just tell you to come to my house. That's weird.” He turned and walked through the open door. I followed right behind, slowly closing the door behind me.

“What if I just went to the hospital first?” I stopped walking briefly to take off my shoes.

“That's why I asked you to bring me phone.”

I bit my lip, following the small boy around the house. “How'd you get Sugawara's phone?”

“He was there before I was discharged, same with Daichi. I asked to borrow his phone—” he stopped mid sentence, looking over at me with big, bright eyes, a smirk tracing his lips. “You two have some interesting conversations.”

_Damn you._

Him saying that meant he saw the text messages I exchanged with Sugawara about him.

“You're getting a little pink there, Kageyama-kun~” he drawled out each syllable one-by-one. 

I bit down on my lip, looking down. “W-where are we going?”

“My room.”

“Why?” My voice sounded a little panicked.

“Would you rather sit in the living room?”

I suppose not.

“Where are your parents?”

“Mom's in the backyard with Natsu, dad's on a plane currently.”

“Does your mom know I'm here?” We were walking up the stairs at this point.

“Well duh! Why wouldn't she?”

I didn't say anything.

“Sugawara knew you were setting me up?”

“Mmhmm.”

I swallowed back, continuing to follow behind the small boy. Soon enough, he opened his door and stepped inside. Once I was in his room with him, he shut the door again.

He went right over to his bed and plopped down, laying on his stomach, knees bent and feet held up in the air.

I just stood there, awkwardly so.

Hinata looked at me. “You can sit down y'know...”

I looked around the room. No chairs. I looked back at the bed, walking slowly over and sitting on the edge at the foot of the bed.

“So you're okay then?”

“Hm?”

“If they let you out of the hospital, then you're okay?”

“As ‘okay’ as I'm gonna get.”

What does he mean by that?

“S-so do you have um... Up... Ep...—”

“Epilepsy.” He said, seeing that I was struggling to say it. “I don't know.”

“Oh...” I said with a sigh.

“Why don't you lay back? Relax a bit. I'm not gonna bite you.”

I looked over my shoulder at him, hesitating before scooting onto the bed.

“Are you still waiting for the...”

“MRI? Yeah.”

Thanks for knowing what I want to say.

I was at the head of the bed, leaning back against the pillows there. I started looking around his room. “You have string lights?” I looked around at the set of lights that looped around the edge where the wall and ceiling met, coming down to a plug-in.

“Yeah. Wanna see them on in the dark?”

“S-sure.”

He wasted no time in getting off the bed and walking to his window, pulling the black curtain down. The room was almost completely black at that point and I could barely see the shadowy figure that was Hinata walking to the other side of the room. Then, the room was dimly lit with multicolored lights.

He walked back to the bed, climbing on top and sitting next to me, leaning down to the bookshelf right next to his bed before pulling out a little box.

“You're not against smoking are you?” He asked, setting the box down on his lap.

“You smoke cigarettes?!”

He laughed. “Of course not! I meant, you know... _pot_.”

“That's _illegal!_ ”

“Yeah...” He was already opening the box. Inside, a small cylinder tin container, another black cylinder container with an abstract design on top, a baby blue colored lighter, and a dark blue and green glass piece. “But apparently it helps prevent seizures, among some other things.”

I don't think I could argue with him against it, since that was a reason.

“If you're totally against it, then I won't smoke it in front of you.”

“... Just go ahead...” I murmured, sinking down into the bed a little more, hands resting on my stomach.

He started fiddling with a bunch of things, but I didn't watch what he was doing, I just saw him moving around. After a little while, he pushed the box, closed, to the side. I looked over at him. “Y-you're not worried about the smell?”

“My mom knows. I just can't have Natsu seeing it, though. Smell doesn't matter in that case.”

When he words it like that, it makes it sound worse.

“What if it gets in my system?”

He had the glass piece raised to his lips, lighter in the other hand. He looked at me, lowering it slightly. “That's impossible. It won't get in your system if it's secondhand.”

I started looking around again. The sound of the flicking on of a lighter, then a crispy burning sound. I looked at Hinata, seeing his eyes focused on the glass piece. He lowered it from his mouth again, inhaling deeply before exhaling, smoke escaping his parted lips.

“I think it's still lit...” He mumbled to himself. He raised the piece to his mouth again, sucking in air, eyes on the end of the glass piece. He repeated the inhaling and exhaling process.

He lowered the piece to his lap, looking over at me. “Does it make you feel weird about me?”

“Huh?” I paused, shaking my head. “Oh, n-no. Not at all.”

He laughed. “That doesn't make you sound all that truthful.”

“S-sorry.” I looked away. “I guess it's weird to know you smoke it, but I'm not viewing you weirdly.”

“Do you want to try it?”

“What?! N-no!” I said quickly.

He nodded with a shrug, going to take another hit. I... I guess I kind of expected him to try and pressure me into doing it with him. He's a good kid.

“Doesn't that damage your lungs?”

He inhaled a couple moments longer, pulling the piece away and exhaling. “Nope.” He said simply.

“Or-or your brain? I heard it kills brain cells.”

“Nah. If anything, it kills off brain cells that are cancerous.”

_“Cancerous”?_

He raised the piece to his lips. “C-can I try it?”

He stopped, raising a brow as he turned his head to look at me. He smirked. “You asked to take a hit after I brought up cancer. Are you trying to tell me something?”

I widened my eyes. “N-no! I don't have anything like that just... curious?”

He tilted his head, “You sure you wanna try it?”

I nodded.

He sat up straight, holding the glass piece to me. I stared at it before going to grab it. “So I just...—?”

“Take this end of the bowl...” He raised the thinner, longer end to my lips. I put my mouth over just the tip. “Put your thumb here...” He placed my thumb over a little bump on the side of the ‘bowl’-looking segment.

Why is it called a “bowl” if that's the only place it looks like a bowl?

He flicked on the lighter, holding it close to the rim. “Inhale.” I did just that.

It burned right as it hit the back of my throat — even more so when the smoke went into my lungs — and I ended up going into a coughing fit. Hinata took the bowl, setting it off to the side and patting my back.

“Fuck!” I croaked out, still coughing.

Hinata leaned over to the bookshelf before handing me a bottle of water. I opened it hastily and started chugging.

The boy started laughing. I stopped drinking the water, looking at him. “Why are you laughing?”

“I don't know.” He breathed, chuckling a little afterwards. “But can I call you ‘Baby Lungs’ now?”

“‘Baby Lungs?’” I echoed

He nodded with a cheeky smile.

“No.” I grumbled, looking away, coughing lightly.

“Awwh...” He pouted with a laugh right at the end.

I looked over at him, glaring. “It's okay! It's okay! It's only your first time, right?” He didn't leave time for me to respond before raising the bowl again. “Go again?” He asked with a laugh.

I inhaled deeply, coughed lightly, then exhaled with a shrug and slight smirk. “Fuck it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. You guys should never trust chapters in which it's in Kageyama's POV because, odds are, Hinata's going to have issues — really primarily a seizure, since he'll be unconscious. So, you know, always be afraid and anxious from here on.
> 
> 2\. Next chapter's going to be very fun (if you ever read my comments and notice the chapter/next chapter is fucked up... You'll know to not trust these comments either)
> 
> 3\. You shouldn't trust me because of said comments, and because I may or may not be fucking with you — maybe he'll have a seizure, maybe it'll be a fluffy chapter, who knows?
> 
> 4\. Summary: the moral of this is that you should gain inexplicably high trust issues and gain an irrational sense hyper-vigilance.


	11. Munchies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weed.  
> Munchies.  
> ... “Munchies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boi, oh boi.
> 
> “Wtf kind'a summary is that?” I'm struggling, okay? XD

Hinata ended up — what did he call it again? — ... _packing_ the bowl a couple more times, though we didn't finish the third. I was coughing and hacking my way through the first one, but somewhere during the second bowl I had grown used to that burning irritation. I mean, I only killed my lungs and throat about 19 times, and I only downed about 31 gallons of water.

Now, we were both laying down on Hinata's bed. I remember talking about stuff during our little — “little” — smoking session, but I totally forgot where we left off at and when we finally went to lay down. I was staring blankly at the multicolored lights, not moving my eyes, just staring because something made them so fucking interesting.

“Hinata...?”

No response.

I looked over, his eyes were shut and his mouth open slightly. He was asleep. Yeah, but how long has he been asleep?

I propped myself up with my elbow, my other hand on the other boys shoulder, shaking him slightly. “Hey,” I whispered, continuing to try and shake him awake. “Hinata.” he stirred around a bit, mumbling something. “Hinata...” I whispered again, sounding a little pouty.

It was only when I'd given up on trying to wake him that he actually woke up. His eyes opening into slits, looking at me. “Oh... Hi...”

He closed his eyes, exhaling softly. “Mm...” I had thought he went back to sleep, but he opened his eyes again, slowly. “Are you still high?”

Yeah, that's what you call this...

I nodded.

He exhaled deeply, a little smile forming. “Are you hungry?”

_You're so fucking cute._

“... Yeah...” I breathed.

He sat himself up, stretching his arms over his head before dropping them down onto the mattress. “D'you know what you're hungry for? Craving something in particular?” He looked over at me.

“I don't really know...”

He slid off the bed, walking over to his closet, sliding the door open. He messed around with some clothes on the floor of the closet before pulling out a plastic bag and returning to me. He climbed onto the bed, sitting on his legs. “I have a few snacks in here. Take your pick.” He reached into the bag, pulling out an already-opened family-sized bag of chips, rolling it open and taking one out, popping it in his mouth.

I sat up, leaning my back against the wall at the head of the bed because my body felt so overwhelmingly heavy. I reached for the plastic bag, looking at all the snacks inside. I pulled out a bag of chocolate covered cranberries.

I opened the bag, taking one out and popping one in my mouth.

“When did I fall asleep?”

“I don't know.”

“Zoned out?”

“Yeah...”

He laughed softly before taking a couple more chips and eating them.

“How often do you do this?”

“Do what?”

“Smoke...”

“Um... Every day when I'm home. Hasn't been that many days, actually. In and out of hospital the past... 4 weeks?”

Has it been that long? I thought he only went into the hospital the week before...

“Yeah, well, I only just started doing this sort'a thing.”

“Was it your idea to start?”

“My moms. She was already smoking it here and there,”

Seriously?

“So when I started having the seizures, she brought it up. I was hesitant at first but, eh. Here we are.”

He reached over to take a couple of the chocolate sweets, popping them in his mouth.

“... So what about the hospital?”

“What about the hospital?”

“When I brought the daifuku and...”

“Oops.” He said with a laugh. “Sorry I slapped you. It was so sudden and... Just some instinct or something.”

Would he have let me do it if I warned him?

I stared at him for awhile. He took note of this pretty quickly when he went to reach for the chocolates again. We stared at each other for several moments.

“Can I...?”

He kept staring at me. After awhile he pulled himself back and went to dig through the bag again.

“Hinata...?”

I sat up, leaning in towards him. He stopped digging through the bag, just staring down into it, one hand inside. I reached a hand out, thumb under his chin.

He didn't seem to be rejecting it. He didn't even try to move away, so maybe...

I lifted his chin up, leaning in closer, slowly, giving him time to tell me to stop if he wanted to. I swallowed back, looking into his eyes. I looked down at his lips for awhile before I finally pressed mine to his.

I pulled myself away a couple seconds later, cheeks growing hot. I absentmindedly licked my lips, going to grab another small chocolate.

“Why'd you stop?”

I inhaled sharply, eyes looking at the small male. I looked down again, furrowing my brows.

Hinata leaned towards me, inching towards me on his palms and knees. When I finally went to look at him, he had one knee in between my legs, the other just beside my torso, his palms planted in the mattress on either side of me. So when I turned my head, his lips were on mine in that split second.

We kissed deeply there, and I hadn't even noticed my eyes had shut and I had one hand in his hair, the other going to prop my body up. 

I opened my mouth, the tip of my tongue gracing his lips. He parted his lips and surely enough, my tongue was inside his mouth and after that, it was just a battle between both of us for dominance.

When I noticed that the kid may actually be winning, I pulled myself back eyes opening. Before Hinata could say or do anything else, I had rolled us over and had him pinned, both hands gripping both of his arms, holding them down. I leaned back down to kiss him, tongue entering his mouth once more. Just like he had done with me, I had one knee in between his legs, the other at his side. Only difference is that I ended up trading my right hands grip to let my hand slowly trace down his body to his leg, pulling it up a bit to grab his ass.

He let out a low moan at that.

_Fuck..._

I pulled away from the kiss. “If anything I do makes you feel uncomfortable, tell me, okay?”

“I-I-I don't want to—”

“We're not going to have sex, don't worry.”

He nodded.

I slid my hand upwards, touching his back briefly before grabbing hold of the back of his pants and boxers, sliding them down his thigh just enough to return my hand to its previous place, only this time it was his bare ass.

I released my grip on his other arm, letting it slid under his shirt to hold his side, my thumb going in circles. I lowered my head again, kissing his neck.

The skin there was so soft and I—

Hinata let out a cry of pain. I looked up at him quickly.

“D-don't bite so hard!”

“Sorry.” I returned to the place and kissed it softly a few times. I went to the other side of his neck, trailing kissing along the way, just before gently biting a bit of soft skin and sucking.

The moan that followed was louder than the last and... _fuck_. It turned me on.

I stopped, moving around and positioning us differently so I was sitting on my legs, Hinata's bottom propped up on my lap. I had his pants pulled back at that point, hands on both sides of his hips, looking down at him, his milk chocolate brown eyes totally melting into my own dark charcoal colored orbs. It felt like he totally saw me as transparent in that moment. I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind if he could totally see through me. There's so many things I would let him do. He could unravel me however he wanted... As long as it was him, I wouldn't mind.

Why the hell am I getting all sappy? I don't even know if we'll actually get together. I... Don't know...

I want to savor what I can get, though. And, even if he totally used me... I think I'd be okay with that. I just wanted _him_.

I bit my bottom lip, one hand sliding down the incline and sliding back in under his shirt. My antithetical hand had run over his thigh, landing itself finally on his bulge. I don't remember when, but somewhere during that, I had taken my eyes off his, and was now staring hard down there.

I pressed down with my palm slightly, cupping his bulge. I heard Hinata's breath hitch, and when I looked up, he had bitten down on his lip and had just barely slapped a hand over his mouth. I locked eyes with him, starting to work my hand there. He was struggling to stifle a few moans and I could easily tell. Even though he had a hand over his mouth, his eyes and eyebrows told exactly how he felt.

I was very much enjoying this...

I moved my hips a bit, it becoming slightly uncomfortable with my own hard coming on.

_What the hell do I plan on doing?_

I had gone to reach my hand into his pants, but a knock on the door totally sent both me and Hinata into a little panic. I pulled my body out from under him, letting him lay flat on his back and quickly get under the covers... Wait, why under the covers?

 _Shit_.

The door opened right as I was struggling to get under the blankets too. _Idiot! That's going to look worse!_ I grabbed the bag of chips, setting it in between my legs, sitting criss-crossed.

We both looked over at the small girl who walked in, still holding the door knob. “Mama says to come down for dinner.”

“Okay, Natsu, thanks!”

Hinata, you lifesaver! I probably couldn't have gotten a single word out.

The little _r_ orange fluff left, shutting the door again.

I let out an exasperated breath, plopping down on my back. “Fuuuck...” I breathed.

Hinata just laughed.

“Did I ever tell you that weed makes you horny?”

I nearly choked, sitting up as I went to cough into the back of my hand. A couple seconds of recovery, and I was looking back at Hinata. “No, Hinata. You didn't.” I grumbled, sounding angry though I was far from it.

“Oh. Well. Weed makes you horny, by the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maker, I'm bad at this...


	12. Silver Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama stays for dinner.
> 
> Kageyama and Hinata share something with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would've had this posted yesterday (it's 1am, the 13th), but some family issues came up. I'm not apologizing though... Like, tf I need'a be sorry for? XD
> 
> (I started part of this last night - 11th night/12th morning - while I was high because y'know... someone has to.)

I let out an exasperated breath, shifting my body around before I went to close the bag of chips and put it in the plastic bag, along with the chocolates. I had just barely got the small package of chocolate-covered fruit when it occurred to me:

“I've been here all day...” I murmured out loud, brows furrowing upward.

“Oh, yeah. I guess you have.”

I looked over at Hinata. “I didn't tell my parents where I was going, and I've been gone all day.”

“Oh shit.”

I reached into my pockets for my phone, but I couldn't find it. “Shit.” I glanced at the ginger as I got off the bed, “Hinata, help me find it.” Then I proceeded to start looking through the bed covers and pillows. Nothing. I knelled down on the ground, looking under the bed.

“What the fuck did I do with it?”

“Did you bring it at all?”

“Y-yeah,” I waved my hand around, standing up, looking around the room. “I remember looking at it while on the bike...” I walked over to Hinata's desk, looking on top, shuffling with a few books and papers and such. 

I heard the mattress behind me make a slight creaking sound, compelling me to look over. Hinata currently had my phone, laying on his back, holding the device just over him where he could see the screen.

“What are you doing?”

“What d'you think?”

“I don't know...” I said with slightly narrowed eyes as I walked back to the bed, reaching for the device. Of course, he pulled it away out of reach.

“You really don't have many friends do you?”

Damn. That kind of hurt.

“Hey, why do you have a picture of me?” He asked, looking under the device at me. 

I jumped on the bed quickly, climbing on top of the other boy, still reaching for my phone, and the fucker was still pulling it out of reach. I sat up and positioned myself so that I was sitting on his hips, grabbing hold of his arms and pulling them towards me, grabbing the phone out of his hands. I rolled off of him, sliding my body around so my legs hung over the edge.

“You're a nosy little shit aren't you?”

He didn't reply.

I had opened up the messages with my mother and had just about gone to send a new one when I saw a message I sent. “Well... I already told her I was here, apparently.” Didn't tell her how long, though.

I looked over at him, he was staring at something else. “Hinata?”

He slowly looked at me. “Y-you like me right?”

“Uh. Yeah?”

“Sugawara said you have a crush on me...”

_Of course he did._

“That's still true, right?”

I swallowed back, looking away, cheeks getting hot. “Y-yeah.”

“So, like...—”

“Do you have a crush on me, too?”

A long pause.

“Yeah...”

Then, simultaneously, “How long?”

We both went silent for awhile.

“I always thought you were attractive, but I didn't think much about it. Didn't think I was, um, into guys...” Hinata paused. “Then I had some thoughts and stuff about you that made it pretty clear.” He finished with an awkward laugh.

“‘Thoughts about me?’”

“It's nothing. What about you?”

“A few weeks. Maybe two or three weeks before your little accident.”

I looked at him calmly, eyes closed slightly, tilting my head forward. “What kinds of thoughts abou—”

“Shouyou! Come on down!”

I gritted my teeth, looking away and standing up. I had already gone to walk out the door, a voice from behind sounding just as I reached for the handle.

“I'll tell you after dinner.”

  


* * *

  


Is it normal for someone to feel... _“out of place”_ when they're having dinner at someone else's house? If it is, maybe I could feel less weird and overwhelmingly awkward. If it isn't... well, _shit_.

“How's school for you, Tobio?”

Right. Hinata told her my forename.

I blinked quickly, looking towards her. “Uh. F-fine. It's-it's fine.”

Both Natsu and Hinata started laughing.

_You're making this really difficult, Hinata..._

“I, um, really only focus on volleyball though.”

“Oh. Just like Shouyou.” She laughed for a quick moment, “It's his little obsession.” 

“That's an understatement.” Hinata murmured, glancing to his mother then looking to me. “It's a lifestyle.”

I smirked. “It's a religion.”

“Is it really that fun?” Natsu asked.

“God, yes!” Me and Hinata said in unison.

“You boys sure seem pretty in sync, huh?”

I probably would've felt weird about the heat on my cheeks, if I hadn't seen Hinata get a little rosy as well. “Yeah. We are.” The boy looked at me, bright eyes shining. “Best friends, right?”

That had a double meaning — his eyes presented that clearly — and Hinata was doing it deliberately, and I'm sure he knew that I could tell.

If that's the case then—

“Why am I only just hearing about you then?”

“I... Maybe because me and Hina” Fuck, fuck. Finish it. “— _ta_... Shouyou didn't start off on a good note.”

Everyone seemed to have gone quiet.

Shit. They noticed me call him “Hina”.

Hinata finally spoke up. “Yeah, but I think us being partners in volleyball really got us to bond quicker and stronger.”

 _Bond_.

“We're practically invincible together on the court.” He was smiling.

_God _, I love that smile.__

“So beautiful...” I whispered aloud, looking right at the ginger-haired boy.

“What was that, Tobio?”

_Fuck._

I grabbed my cup quickly, “Uh, I-I-I was talking about um... The uh... Our ‘freak quick’...”

Hinata stared at me for awhile. It was clear he heard me. But he still rolled on with it by continuing to talk about our first practice match...

  


* * *

  


“Kageyama?”

I blinked a few times, looking up at Hinata who had a hand on my shoulder. “Are you just going to sit there looking off into space?”

“Huh? Oh, r-right...” I looked around at the — now — empty table before standing up and following after Hinata back up to his room. I shut the door behind us, walking to his bed as he climbed up and laid on his stomach with his feet in the air and his head resting on both of his palms, while I sat down criss-crossed with my hands on my legs.

“So the—”

“Thoughts about you.” Hinata breathed, dropping his arms down onto the mattress, resting his cheek on top. “I don't know how to say it without totally feeling weird. And you'll probably think I'm weird, too.”

“Try me.”

Hinata smirked, “Don't tempt me.” He dropped his smirk soon after, closing his eyes, having let his legs rest on the mattress so he was totally laying down flat on his stomach, head still on his semi-folded arms. “I looked at you. More often than I should, or than anyone should anyway. It sounds creepy, but I liked watching you during practice. My longer, more frequent breaks also aided me there. And I also liked watching you change. You have a nice body.” He let out a content sigh. “But I still looked at your ass most of the time.”

_Fucking he—_

“But I kind'a thought to myself, ‘Guys totally look at other guys' butts and bodies and stuff. It's normal.’ And brushed it aside. But-” He raised an arm, index finger extended, lifting his torso and holding himself up by planting his other elbow into the mattress. “I totally knew it wasn't just ‘normal’ when I started having dreams about you.”

_Oh god..._

“You creeped out yet?”

I shook my head.

“I mean, they started out all, um, ‘innocent’ and such with just us at practice and hanging out. Y'know. _normal_ stuff...”

He's been adding emphasis on “normal”...

“Then it started getting... Mm... What's a good word...?” He had his chin resting in his palms again. Sure enough, his knees were bent and legs in the air, in the same position at the start of the conversation. “Romance-y.”

“Hinata, I don't think that's a word.”

He laughed, “oh well! I couldn't think of one I liked more and I was already invested so...” He waved a hand off, gesturing the topic away, returning his hand to under his chin for support. “We would end up kissing and holding hands and go on stuff like dates. Like relationship stuff.”

He smirked, going completely silent.

“I don't like that look, Shouyou...”

He rolled onto his back, arms extending up into the air dramatically. I think that's what he was going for: melodramatic. “Ooohh! And then it got intimate!”

I widened my eyes, eyebrows furrowing. “Uh...”

“It turned into full-on make out sessions like totally farther than what we did earlier. Oh my god...” He dropped his arms down, sprawling them out. He looked up at the ceiling, eyes wide and sparkling, a slight mischievous smirk on his lips. “We did a hell of a lot more things than that...” He was obviously fantasizing and imagining some of those things...

“Like what?”

He lifted his head to look at me, facial expression showing his devout sense of mischief. I think he wanted to torture me with it...

“D'you really wanna know?”

“Y-yeah...”

He looked back up at the ceiling, a cheeky smile still present. “A couple times you ended up kissing all over my body, leaving a bunch of marks, and taking my clothes off... and then you went down and started sucking me off. I did the same to you a couple times. It was nice.”

I bit my lip. He was being rather vague with telling me that. Still, I could kind of imagine...—

“And once you had me on my side, laying behind me, and you were fingering me.”

I hadnt realized I had pressed a hand to my mostly-hard bulge, absentmindedly letting out a low groan.

The boy looked over at me, smiling devilishly. “You okay there, Kageyama-kin?” He drawled out each syllable one-by-one again. I loved hearing him say my name like that...

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine.”

“Yeah, so, a little summary: I realized pretty simply that I was gay from that. Especially 'cause I always woke up with a boner. And...” He paused. “So does that answer your question?”

“Is there more to it?”

“No.” He said quickly. He then sat up, sitting on one leg, the other now dangling over the edge. “But you do have a little something going on there, by the way.”

_Shit._

I swallowed back, grabbing one of his pillows and stuffing it in my lap, my hands just on top.

“So, what about you? What made you know you have a crush on me?”

“I-I don't know...”

“Sure you do!”

“I... I guess it's kind of the same thing... Thought you were, um... cute.”

“Think I could be sexy?”

“What?”

“Well, ‘cute’ is like a baby or something. But ‘sexy’? What do you think about that?”

“I find that you can be... And I found you very sexy earlier when we were making out and I saw that face you made...”

He waved his hands around. “Sorry! Branching off topic! Back to the question!”

“R-right... I kind of ‘tested the waters’ for a couple weeks. I started looking at you more, not sexually, more so... Appreciatively? Like in a more loving way.”

“That makes me sound like a horny shit.”

“Oh...”

“No, no, no, no! It's fine! Not like I'm offended or anything!”

“Oh. Okay. Um. I talked to Sugawara about it. He suggested some things for me to get to talk to you. They failed, obviously. And then he brought up that little ‘deal’... Worked out pretty well, yeah?”

“I guess. Yeah, you've improved.”

“I um, also had some, ah, ‘romance-y’ dreams... And other more explicit ones. Kind of like yours with um... Blow jobs and... Such...”

“Awwh. You're getting all shy!”

“A-am not!”

“Your cheeks are so red right now!”

“Shut up!” I looked away.

“It's cute.”

We were both pretty silent for awhile. I had looked down at my hands, twiddling with my fingers, Hinata doing whatever — I glanced up at him — Hinata lifting the bowl to his mouth, flicking the lighter on.

“You get high _all day_?”

He nodded, exhaling smoke as he did so. He held the bowl out to me and I took it, raising the tip to my lips and lighting the rim of the end, inhaling deeply, thumb lifting off the cartridge to clear it before I lowered the piece down, exhaling slowly and coughing right at the end a bit.

“So, Hinata...?”

“Hm?” He raised the piece to take another hit.

“Do you think... That we could... Um... Be... Boyfriends?”

The boy lowered the piece after clearing it, handing me the bowl as he went to lay down on his back, exhaling as he went down. “Do you honestly think I would reject your offer?”

“M-maybe?” I kind of thought he may have been just using me or something else, but I wouldn't say that aloud.

“Make it sound more official!” He shot back up, standing this time. “Oh, oh! And like get on one knee like a proposal!”

If I didn't like him so much, I would say he's a fucking idiot — I mean, I did mumble it, but in a sweet-humored manner. I just laughed it off and got off the bed, standing in front of him to take his hands. I was just about to get on one knee when he stopped and whipped around to his desk, digging through a bunch of drawers. Soon enough, he pulled out a little sterling silver ring with some Japanese quote inscribed on the outside, and handed it to me. 

I let out a pleasant sigh, taking the ring and finally going down on one knee. “You fucking idiot...” I mumbled, smiling. I looked up at him, holding his left hand. “Hinata Shouyou, will you please be my boyfriend?”

The ginger-haired boy just nodded rapidly, and I slid the silver ring onto his finger and stood up. Right as I was on both feet, he wrapped his arms around me, squeezing onto my tightly like I was a lifeline. I returned the hug, embracing him tightly. I wouldn't have thought much about it, if I hadn't heard him whisper 3 select words:

“I'm sorry, Tobio.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unrealistic?? Maybe?? Oh well?? Do I give a damn?? Hell no (ok maybe a lil?)
> 
> Silver refers to ring  
> Bond was like me thinking "let's do 'band'!" but remembering Hinata said they had a bond that was growing stronger and... Fuck I'm tired.
> 
> Thanks for reading this trash XD
> 
> (I'm gonna have so much fun in the next chapter...)


	13. Forever and Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama finds out what he never wanted to hear.
> 
> The two share a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm over here thinking all these chapters ahead of m'self like “Holy shit what if I did this ending? What about this? Omfg what if I did this?!” So I'm already thinking about 3 possible endings rn XD
> 
> Going to start adding video links to this. Songs that I listen to while writing this - like, songs that act as themes for this. I actually have like an entire playlist of songs (and a bunch of AMVs on my phone), but just have one for now.
> 
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7MDsi7RFMDM

I never wanted to say it, but then I just thought to myself, “How long could I wait?” I knew at some point, it would get so bad that he would find out I'm not as “okay” as I made myself out to be. Plus, I thought a kind of forewarning was in order. This whole “making it official” sped up my process. The rational part of me says it's better that I'm going to say it now. While the irrational part of me says to just wait it out... How long could I wait it out? The doctor said that, _if I'm lucky_ , I have 3 years. He doesn't expect me to make it that far. So, really, I may as well tell Kageyama the truth — better now so he has a way out before I totally rip his entire soul asunder. 

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

I couldn't get anything other than that out. All I could do was let tears stream down my face and keep apologizing over and over and over again.

“H-Hinata, wh-what's wrong? Why are you apologizing?” He asked while trying to pull me off, probably to be able to actually look at me. I just held on tighter, breath becoming unsteady at this point. It seriously felt like I couldn't breathe anymore, so I traded in for hyperventilating and coughing.

Why am I getting so upset right now? What's wrong with me?

Well, Hinata, I'm glad you asked! Primarily, your concern is the damn brain tumor that made itself right at home in your cerebrum — frontal left side, to be specific — and is, apparently, growing rapidly and will find itself on the right side and on the temporal lobe. Now, we don't specifically know the functions of these areas because who the hell has time to deal with biology and shit when you're dying at a rapid rate?

Next, in relation to your lovely little friend that isn't paying rent whatsoever and is continuously stealing from you every day, we have the symptoms; the seizures are the most urgent, since you could just have them randomly, fall and break your skull open, or really just fall and fuck up anything at all... As if your head wasn't messed up enough, you could fuck it up more in that way through falling and busting more capillaries or, again, breaking your skull, or by hitting it on something when you're already on the ground.

Apparently physical activities like running can fire up a seizure, too, among other things, so we can just kiss volleyball goodbye!

Oh, you're not having a good time? Here, let's try to fuck shit up further, shall we?

You're going to also end up having memory loss. And you're probably not aware of this whatsoever right now because _you can't remember things you forget._ You might lose your vision. But will we go blind? Haha! Who the hell knows? Who the hell cares? Only got less than 3 years going for us anyway! And there's also—

“Shouyou.”

Somehow Kageyama managed to sit me down on the bed, and he was right in front of me. I was sitting on my legs, tears still streaming down my face. _I think I need a name for the river..._ And Kageyama was on one leg, the other hanging off the edge. He was cupping my face, looking right at me. Although, my vision was blurred due to the tears...

“Tell me what's wrong. Please.”

Somewhere along the way I stopped hyperventilating and coughing because it felt like I couldn't breathe.

I looked at him, sniffling, raising my hands to rub my eyes, trying to clear them the best I could. “N-nothing's wrong. I'm fine.”

“Bullshit.” I winced. “People who are ‘fine’ don't burst into tears, hyperventilate and cough.”

I don't think I could tell him. I had so much bravery before but... Now I'm so overwhelmingly afraid. 

“Shouyou...” He whispered, thumb running over my cheek.

“I'm sorry.” Is that all I could ever manage to say?

“Sho—”

The door opened, and we both looked over. It was his mother and... _fuck_. This didn't look like a good scene.

I'm sure my mother would've went off on him because she probably thought he made me cry, but I spoke up up. “I-I'm trying to tell him.” My voice cracked at the end.

“You haven't told him and you're already like this?” She was right next to us now, and Kageyama had his hands in his lap. She put a hand to my cheek. “You know I could always tell him...”

“No.” He whispered, standing up, leaning forward with his hands pressed into the edge of the mattress. “No, no, no. I know—I don't like where this is going.”

“Tobio...”

“It's worse. It-it's bad. Fuck. It's really bad. I didn't want to—” he exhaled deeply, looking completely panicked. “Shit.” He whispered, standing straight, a hand brushing through his hair, stopping to cup the back of his neck.

“I don't want to know.” he said, shaking my head.

No. He already knew, he just didn't want me to say it. Didn't want to make it feel and be totally real. He didn't want to believe it.

My mom patted my lap, going to walk back to the door. She looked at both of us “I was coming in to ask if he was spending the night. If he isn't, he should be heading home soon.” And with that, she left.

Kageyama stared at the ground for awhile, eyes widened, brows furrowing. I think he was about to cry.

Finally, he looked back at me, walking to the bed, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me down onto the bed with him. He rolled us over so that I was on top of him, his arms still around me.

“Let's just not think about that, okay? Try and forget it.”

How is that possible?

“I'm sorry.”

Damn it, Shouyou! Quit saying that! It's annoying!

“Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault.” He let out a sigh. How come he isn't crying?

Just as I asked myself that, he sat us up so that my legs were on either side of him, my arms pressed to my chest, his arms now losing their tight hold, going around to hold my waist.

“Smile.” He whispered, pulling the own corners of his mouth upward to smile. He looked pained, and his eyes... He bit his bottom lip, sucking in a breath, still managing to force a smile. He was trying his hardest not to cry, to be strong.

_I'm sorry._

“This isn't anything, okay?” He raised a hand to cup my cheek, thumb rolling gently over my cheek to act as comfort. “The worst is still yet to come.” He leaned in, topping my nose with a loving kiss. I sniffled again, trying desperately to bring a smile to my face. 

This damn thing is constantly stealing a fragment of me everyday — piece-by-piece... It will ultimately steal my life away. How can I possibly smile?

I let out a deep breath, wiping the tears away and exchanging for a smile. Here we both were, trying our damndest to be strong, all while hiding the sadness burrowed inside.

I wrapped my arms around him, clinging onto him like a lifeline. His arms wrapped around me, too, clinging on for dear life. We both plopped back down onto the bed, me on top.

  


* * *

  


We laid like that for awhile before Kageyama patted my back and I got off of him, laying down on my side, holding my left hand close to my chest, feeling the silver. I watched as he pulled out his phone, looking at the screen as he sent a text to his mother. He didn't even ask, just said he was spending the night. And, with that, he turned off his phone and set it on the bookshelf next to my bed. He inched up onto the bed, laying down on his side, facing me. He reached out, entwining his fingers with mine, looking down at the little ring.

Nothing was said for awhile. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. So the room remained silent.

“I'm going to make you as happy as humanly possible. I'll be the existence that can make you overwhelmingly happy.” Kageyama whispered with closed eyes, promising himself.

I moved closer, pressing my forward to her entwined hands, closing my eyes. “Just stay.” I breathed. “That's all you need to do... Stay. Don't leave me, please...”

“Forever and always.”

I didn't want to close my eyes. I was afraid that, one day, I would close them, but never open them again. I wanted to be able to wake up and be able to see Kageyama right next to me. I just wanted him. It's all I want; it's all I need.

One day, it wouldn't be like that though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good job Taeho for guessing what Hinata has right on the get-go! 
> 
> Kags is so sappy n shit. But I have a reason for his “sudden” change. Which will be explained next chapter, or the one after. I mean... It's not like “omggg wow :o” kind of explanation, just like an “oh, yeah, that makes sense.”
> 
> F my writing XD this could've turned out a hell of a lot better. But... When I get a computer I'll be rewriting this entire thing.
> 
> (Can I ask if I've made anyone cry yet? XD)
> 
> Also, I teach a class: Shitty Writing 101


	14. Wake and Bake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata asks Kageyama a question...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another question.
> 
> And another...
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, so Hinata is short, and his bed is pretty high off the ground, so he's going to be doing a lot of climbing up and sliding off. Kageyama is taller, so it's just an easy getting on and off... Yeah...
> 
> “Omfg can we just stop having them smoke weed?”  
> Ay, man, fuck you. You signed up for this. Quit complainin' ya lil bitch
> 
> And ohh boii
> 
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LmWBphAf72g  
> (Pfft. I'll get a sappier song next time. Quitcherbitchin...)

I opened my eyes, exhaling slowly. I was still holding Kageyama's hand, though our fingers weren't entwined and the hold itself was loose. Kageyama was still on his side, facing me, and the same with me. I looked over my shoulder at the digital clock on my nightstand. _9:07_ I sighed. Morning medication. I looked down at our hands, squeezing his a little tighter. I sat up in my bed, reluctantly letting go of his hand as I slid off the bed and stood up.

I walked out of my room, a little ways down the hall and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

Once again, I let out a deep breath, walking around to the sink, reaching up to the cabinet just above it. I grabbed 3 bottles of medication, opening each and dropping 1 of each into my hand. I didn't know what the medication did, just that it would help with my... _uninvited guest_. I grabbed my cup I had set around the rim, filled it about halfway, popped each pill into my mouth then washed them down with a gulp of water one-by-one. I ended up grabbing a fourth bottle, ibuprofin, dropping 2 pills into my palm and washing it down. I closed all the bottles and returned them to the cabinet, finishing off the last swig of water before placing the cup down again.

I walked back out and returned to my room, seeing that Kageyama was still sleeping. I climbed back into the bed, laying down right in front of him, back pressing against his chest, feeling his warmth. Unexpectedly, he wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer, forehead pressing into the small of my back. I heard him inhale deeply, mumbling something about how I smelled good, then went to hold my hand. I hummed a bit, pulling our hands up to my mouth, my lips pressing against them and staying there.

Maybe I would be complaining about all this going “too fast,” but I'm dying _too fast_ , so why should I care? I have to shove an entire lifetime into 3 years. And, either way, I'm a little more than eager to do things like this with him. I know that I can trust him. I've _been_ trusting him since we first played together, during that match against the other first-years.

I just want to hold onto what we have for as long as possible. I guess this is all I have to look forward to anyway.

He still didn't know I was slowly dying.

“Mm... Wha' time is it?”

“Uh... A little after nine.”

He lifted his chin a bit to press a kiss into the back of my neck. It made me shiver. “G'morning, Shouyou.” He whispered, moving around to kiss the side of my neck, then shifting his body and lifting his torso, going around to kiss my jaw, cheek, then pressing his lips to mine.

I closed my eyes, melting into it. A few seconds, and he was pulling himself away, tapping one last kiss on my forehead as he sat up in the bed, pulling our hands so that they were resting on my hip.

“Where's the bathroom?”

Was he seriously so high he forgot going yesterday?

“Um. Here...” I got up, sliding off the bed, holding his hand as I led him out of my room and to the bathroom. I shut the door as he walked in, going back to my room and sitting down on the edge of the bed. Neither one of us changed last night. Given Kageyama didn't have a change of clothes, but it was primarily because we both passed out without thinking about it. Well, I know that _I_ hadn't thought about it.

Too late to change into pajamas now.

Kageyama came out a couple minutes later, walking into my room. “Do you have a toothbrush I could use?”

“Uh...” I walked passed him and back into the bathroom, looking through a couple drawers under the sink. I found an opened pack with two left inside. He got lucky there.

I handed him one, returning the pack to the drawer. I grabbed my own toothbrush and the tube of toothpaste, turning on the water and running the brush under it, squirting a decent amount onto the end, handing Kageyama the tube, sticking the toothbrush into my mouth. I brushed my teeth for a minute, spitting the paste out into the sink and washing the rest out with some water, which I also spit out. I wiped the bit of water off my mouth, brushing past Kageyama and into the hallway and back into my room. Kageyama came in right as I got into my bed, shutting the door behind him.

“Wake 'n bake?”

“What?”

He sat down next to me as I went for my little box, opening it and getting my bowl, opening the container with my weed and packing the bowl decently.

“People refer to smoking weed and getting high as ‘getting baked,’ so ‘wake and bake’ is getting _baked_ right when you _wake_ up.”

“Oh. I feel kind of stupid.”

“You shouldn't. I mean, you only started smoking yesterday. I don't expect you to be a genius who automatically knows everything. Plus...” I lit the weed, inhaling the smoke, lifting my thumb off the carb to clear it, then handed it to Kageyama since it was still lit. “It's not like I know everything, either.” He finished his hit and I held the lighter out to him.

He looked at the lighter then at me.

“What are you sitting there looking all dumbfounded and shit for?”

“I haven't actually lit it before... What if I mess it up?”

I waved the lighter around and he took it anyway. “Just hold it near the rim. That's all you gotta do.” He lifted the piece back to his mouth, flicking the lighter on, tilting it so that it was at the rim, although a little more to the center but oh well. “Inhale.” I murmured. Because what the hell did he think that was gonna do? Just magically light it? He started inhaling. “You don't need to keep the lighter there that long. Just until it's lit.” He quickly released his thumb off the lighter, lowering it from the bowl as he continued to inhale, taking his thumb off the carb and clearing it. 

“Good job~!”

He exhaled with a huffed in a mildly-annoyed manner.

“What? That's me saying you didn't mess it up.”

“Sounds like you were almost patronizing me.”

“Pfft.” I reached a hand out to raise the bowl to his face. “Take another hit~”

“I think this is called peer pressure.” He said, though I knew he stated that jokingly.

He hit it again before handing it to me and we continued to go back and forth with that for awhile.

  


* * *

  


We stopped when we finished off the bowl pack. I put my things away, the box being placed back down on my bookshelf.

“How often did you have those dreams about me?”

That question caught me off guard. I froze, just barely taking my hand off the box, slowly looking over my shoulder at him. He was leaning back against my pillows, hands on his stomach, ankles crossed, staring forward.

“Um...” I sat down fully, leaning back, one leg bent and laid against my mattress, the other bent and pressed to my chest, arms wrapped around it, chin on top. “I don't know. Um. A couple times a week for the past couple'a weeks.” I fixed my eyes on him. “Didn't you say you had some erotic dreams, too?”

He got a little red in the cheeks. “Yeah.”

“So...?”

“How often? A-almost every night, actually...”

“Pervert.” I drawled out jokingly. I couldn't say it seriously since I had dreams like that, too. At least I could poke some fun at him.

He looked at me angrily for a split second before looking away. He knew I was trying to make him tick; that I was deliberately pressing his buttons.

“What happened in your dreams?”

“Didn't we already talk about this last night?”

“Yeah... But maybe we could perform one of them?”

I saw him swallow back nervously, turning his head to look at me, sighing. “Shouyou, is this the weed talking?”

“I don't know. Maybe it's initiating it though? I thought about it earlier this morning.” About how I didn't have much time left and I didn't care if this went “too fast”. 

“I think I would prefer doing things when you're sober.”

 _Morals_.

Good and welcomed sometimes. Bad and unwanted sometimes.

Say I'm a little surprised he managed that even with being high.

“Oh fine...” I let out a little sigh, rolling over onto my side. I rested my head on his chest, curling up into a little ball. He wrapped one arm around my body, and I took the other hand and pulled it close to me.

  


* * *

  


I had fallen asleep like that and woke up with my upper body in relatively the same position, though my legs had been extended, my right leg completely straight, my left leg bent slightly and resting in between Kageyama's legs. Kageyama was currently playing with my hair.

I lifted my head up, looking at him, making eye contact with him right as I did so. “I'm sober now~”

“Shouyou.” He laughed. “The first thing that pops into your head when you wake up is _that?_ ”

I nodded.

He rolled his eyes, continuing to play with my hair.

“So... Can we...?”

He looked over at the clock. It was just after 1 in the afternoon. He looked back at me. “What'd you have in mind?”

Oh, shit. I didn't think I'd get this far.

“Well...”

I didn't think this far ahead.

“Can I give you a handjob?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinata, no. Bad Hinata. Baaaad boy.
> 
> (I use triple dots a lot...)
> 
> Okay but like, realism level is -5,000  
> Or maybe not? Some people are like this. (I am not. I'm over here waiting like 2-3 months before a single kiss... XD) Some aren't. I would see Hinata being more innocent and such, waiting the relationship out more but I decided I wanted to kill my precious bby. Oh well.
> 
>  
> 
> *triple dots out of here*


	15. Length

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama gets a blowjob.
> 
> Kageyama pays his “debt”.
> 
> An unexpected [unwanted] question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Why do you keep calling us ‘lil shits,’ ‘bitches,’ etc.?”  
> I love you, okay? And it is because of this love that I must.  
> ... I gotta.
> 
>  
> 
> I literally typed the first sentence out like “Kageyama went red in the red ...” Ha. Goodbye.

Kageyama went red in the face almost instantaneously. I just stared at him, and after only a few seconds he broke eye contact and looked away. I extended an arm, poking his cheek. “Can I?” I drawled out.

“S-sure.”

“Really?” I asked, sitting up.

He nodded, though he didn't look over at me. I thought it was cute, him getting all shy and all...

I positioned myself so that I was laying on my stomach, feet in the air, in between both of his legs. I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, pulling them down about halfway to his thighs. I pulled at the hem of his boxers a bit before pulling them down too. I looked up at Kageyama. “How are you already partially hard?”

“W-what?”

“How are you already partially hard?” I asked again, adding emphasis on each word.

“I-I-I don't know.”

I didn't think about it further, figuring he probably just got turned on by me pulling his pants and boxers down.

_This going to be easy..._

I can admit I was a tad annoyed about the fact that he was bigger than me, but he's also taller so it makes sense. Like, I'm sure if I was taller, I'd be about the same size, if not bigger... Color me a little jealous, okay?

I had barely touched him with my fingers when he already winced and tried to pull his hips away. I pressed a hand down on his right hip. “Why are you wincing?”

“Your hands are cold...”

_You've gotta be shitting me..._

I exhaled deeply, taking my eyes off him and back onto his member. I wrapped a hand around the base, squeezing a little tighter when he winced again, but soon easing up when he laid still again.

“W-we don't need to do this, y'know. It's not like we have to...”

“Shut up, Kageyama...”

“I mean, like, what if someone walks in?”

“Kageyama if you talk again, I'm going to smack you.”

He shut up real quick.

I wasn't worried about someone walking in. One, you could hear them coming down the hall. Two, everyone always knocks before coming in. Three, people hardly come in to my room anyway.

I worked my hand up his shaft slowly, and just as slowly going down. After a few times going slowly like that, I quickened my pace. Kageyama sucked in a breath at that, which only compelled me to pump him faster.

“Fuck...” He whispered, tilting his head back.

I was pretty consistent with my quick pace of jerking him off, but about a minute in, I slowed down, only pumping him near the base rather than going up his shaft like I had been doing.

_I wonder..._

“Shouyou, please go fas—”

I licked the indent of his dick, sliding my tongue upwards before putting the head in my mouth. Kageyama let out a quick groan, one that was abruptly cut off forcibly and resulted in him making a kind of choked sound.

Didn't get very far before Kageyama grabbed and pulled my hair.

“What are you doing?” I think that was panic in his voice...

I lifted my head, looking at him. “What d'you think?”

“You said a handjob.”

“Why are you complaining?”

He stared at me for awhile, probably trying to conjure up some excuse, but ended up releasing his hold on my hair. I slowly looked away from him, planting my eyes on his dick again. I lowered back down, mouth going over the very tip, licking the slit before going down a little more, sucking on his head and pumping him simultaneously. He bucked his hips forward, whispering a curse word under his breath. I lowered down, mouth completely over his head, continuing to suck.

I stopped jerking him off, only because I finally went down to take his dick in my mouth as far as I could. (Which was really only a little further than halfway because I'm a little newbie anyway.) I continued to suck as I started to bob my head up and down.

“Mm...” Kageyama's hand found its way back to my head, brushing my hair back and out of my face, thumb drawing circles on my forehead. He was breathing noticeably heavier, releasing a few low groans here and there. I could accept that, but I wanted to hear him _moan._ I viewed moaning as a step up from a groan; a groan, to me, seems like the ability to hold back your sounds... But a moan is where you're so indulged in the pleasure that you lose all sense of control and the noises just seep out.

I brought myself up to the tip, sucking hard as I trailed myself up, just before stopping at the head. I dragged my tongue all around the entirety, then over hit slit.

“Have you done this before?”

“Mm-mm.” _No._

“How are you so fucking good at this?”

I shrugged, quickly taking his cock back into my mouth. He jerked his hips forward. His groan was a little higher in pitch and louder in tone that time. Not enough.

I brought myself back up, sucking the head of his cock hard all at once. “Ahk—!” He had to choke down that one, probably with everything he had. Just a little more.

I started sucking on little bits all around his head, rolling my tongue over the slit, sucking right on the tip.

He bucked his hips forward, tightening his grip on my hair to pull it. “A-ahh...” He let out a breathy moan. I continued sucking on the head like I had before, bathing in his moans for awhile. “Hol- _y_ sh-shit,” he whispered, sounding almost totally out of breath. Suddenly, I took his length in my mouth again, quickly. He let out a borderline dangerously high moan. (I say “borderline dangerous” because I'm sure it was loud enough to be heard around the whole house.)

I continued to bob my head up and down, tongue rolling over his shaft as I did so. After another few seconds, I was sucking the head again. Although this time, I was pumping him simultaneously.

He had his head tilted back, mouth open as he continued to moan, a few coming out as light choking sounds before melting into moans, hips bucking a few times along the way when I especially sucked the tip harder. 

“Shouyou, I-I think I'm going to...” He pulled my hair harder, tighter, suddenly; one final moan erupting from his throat. I lifted myself away, pumping him a couple times before a milky clear liquidy substance shot out.

I sat up and released my grip, pulling my (now) sticky hand away. I looked down to where the majority of it went. On his shirt. I swallowed back nervously, looking up at Kageyama who still had his head tilted back, catching his breath.

“T-Tobio?”

“Hm?”

“Uh. I kind of got it on your shirt...”

He looked down, eyes still a bit glossy from ecstasy. He stared for awhile before sitting himself up, pulling his shirt off — with careful coordination as to not get any of his cum on himself. He looked to my hand, wiping the majority of it off with his shirt before sliding off the bed and standing, taking my hand. “C'mon let's wash you off...” He lifted his hand, raising the shirt up. “And get rid of this...”

I slid off the bed with him, following him into the bathroom. I leaned in to the sink, turning the water on and running my hands under it, getting a bit of soap from a bottle, washing my hands off.

I switched the water back off, turning around to walk passed Kageyama, grabbing the shirt from his hand and walking to the washer, opening it and tossing the shirt inside. I grabbed the hamper next to the seat, emptying its contents into the washer, returning it to its spot, then shutting the washer door, filling it with a bit of detergent and turning it on.

I turned around to face Kageyama, who had already come close enough to pin my lower body against the washer, my arms instinctively coming up behind my to grasp the edge of the machine. “W-wh-what are you doing?”

“You did something for me, I wanna do something for you...” He planted a couple kisses on my mouth. “Can I?”

Yes.  
_Hell_ yes.  
_Fuck_ yes.

“Uh... Y-yeah. Sure...”

  


* * *

  


Kageyama ended up giving me a blowjob in the bathroom, me standing up for awhile and him on his knees. When my knees almost totally caved in underneath me — because holy fuck it felt so damn good — he sat me up on the washer and continued his work.

After that, I gave him a baggy shirt I got from my dad (which I only wear to bed, ever) and we went back to my room to lay back down. I had wanted to say it was all so damn perfect until about an hour later of me laying on his chest, his hand running through my hair... the fucker asked me one thing:

“How long?”

And it didn't take a genius to know what he was asking about. He figured it out. How, I don't know. But he knew that I only had a little time left.

He was asking how long I had left until I died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Later update than expected because I had boyfriend spend the night yesterday, then I was out all day today so, like, this really wasn't my main priority tbh...
> 
> Anyway. Idk why I'm switching the tone/mood of this so quickly but. Oh-fucking-well. You're still reading, aren't you?
> 
> I am ashamed for how poorly written out my “smut” is...
> 
> “Length” refers to *ahem* ... dick ‘length’ and the question for how long Hinata has. I... Really couldn't think of a title so I forced that shit out... I'm sorry.


	16. Gradually Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama gets his answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12:36am. Spent all day with boyfriend. Didn't have time to post this earlier. Expect chapter 17 to come in very late, too.

I know I didn't want to know about it — and I made a pretty big deal about it earlier — but I just couldn't stop myself from _thinking_ about it. I may not get good grades in school — hell, it's only the second month and I'm pretty sure I'm failing all my classes (what can I say? Volleyball's my obsession; I don't particularly care for much else...) — but I'm a keen observer; and I take my observations and analyze them. On court, it's at record speed; within _seconds_. This, however, required a bit more thinking; a few more clues to take note of and take into careful consideration...

More _time_ — something Hinata didn't have...

He was very eager to forgive me — but Sugawara could've convinced him; next.

Strangely wanted to invite me over — however, it could've also been part of his forgiveness plan (or that he had a crush on me and...); next.

I questioned his eagerness to kiss me, repeatedly — he could've just been driven by the weed; next.

When we were “making it official,” he wanted me to ask him out in a way that was like a proposal — he could just _really_ be into sappy shit; next.

When it came to the point where he started apologizing and crying and all that, I wondered what for — he could just feel guilty, maybe he lied to me about something about his sickness; next(?)

Not even a whole 24 hours after officially being boyfriends, he was overly eager to move 500 steps ahead and proceed with the handjob/blowjob thing — he could just be a horny little shit; next.

Yeah, he could've just wanted to forgive and forget, and/or Sugawara convinced him to.

And, yeah, he could've just wanted to be all buddy-buddy by inviting me to his house.

Maybe he was driven by his crush on me to want to kiss me. Maybe he would've waited longer for that initiation...

I was thinking about the “proposal” and how it's strangely like him wanting an actual proposal, but he knew he would never get one when he was “old enough”.

I figured something was definitely up when he was apologizing, latching onto me like a lifeline, sobbing and hyperventilating... And the brief conversation between him and his mother. I pushed my thoughts aside then. I didn't want to think about te possibilities...

I know a “normal” Hinata wouldn't move so fast in a relationship. He's trying to rush things because he doesn't have a lot of time. He wants to experience everything he can before it's too late.

... It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. He's dying. It's just that I didn't want to believe it or think about it... But I had the time to do the thinking in that hour. When I felt it starting to gnaw at me, I couldn't help but to ask.

_“How long?”_

He didn't say anything for several seconds. I was about to say his name to get his attention, make sure he heard me, or to see if he fell asleep, but then he spoke up in a very low tone, almost a mumble.

“Three years.”

In some cases, it feels like such a long time — like waiting to be done with middle or high school.

In this case, it was such a painfully short amount of time. He could've made it to be 60, 70, 80... Now, he's only going to go as far as 19.

I bit my bottom lip, hard, trying to prevent myself from crying.

“If you want out, now's a good time. The sooner, the better. If you wait to long it'll end up hurting you more...”

“No.” I left it at just that for awhile. Hinata just went quiet with me until I spoke again. “I told you I'm going to make you as happy as humanly possible. And that I'll be the existence that's can make you overwhelmingly happy.” My voice cracked more than once during that.

I could feel myself about to break, but I just need to get out a few more words...

“All you asked for me to do is to stay. I'm going to promise you I'll stay, forever and always.”

Hinata was clutching my shirt, pressing his face into my side. I could hear his muffled crying.

I looked up, biting down on my bottom lip harder, brushing a hand through Hinata's hair. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help a few tears from escaping. I was really just trying to stay strong and keep it together for Hinata's sake. I couldn't. I tried... God, I tried so fucking hard, but I just...

_Broke._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing all of this on mobile.
> 
> Such a short chapter... I'm sorry. Gah. Feels like a filler chapter. My mind is just everywhere but on this like... Bleh. I'm going to plan on making the next chapter happier and longer. And I think I may just wait until I finally get home Saturday to update these chapters so they aren't so short and shitty.
> 
> Thanks for reading this trash!


	17. Totally (Not) A Stalker Or Creep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama gets in trouble.
> 
> The team has lunch together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay back from my 5 day mini-vacation thing
> 
> I wrote the first, like, third of this in car ride to this theme park.
> 
> Fun chapter. Don't know how I typed up so much.
> 
> AMV: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CY7l7cMK9ac

I spent another few hours at Hinata's house — which was basically the whole day, since I left at around 9 — before my mother called, saying I _had_ to come home. I kissed Hinata for a while, savoring it, embraced him even longer, gave one final kiss goodbye, then left.

It only occurred to me within those forty minutes of her scolding me on the phone that I realized why she was mad: I skipped school. I didn't even realize what day it was until she brought up me “skipping school”. She knew I spent the night and was okay with it, but she expected me to go to school. I expected to go to school, too.

She only let up on that scolding when I told her I was coming up the driveway, to which she hung up, let me walk inside, then continued to scold and yell at me. I wouldn't hear the end of that for another hour. I didn't try to defend myself or say anything against it, I just accepted her anger and the punishment. I would end up being grounded for a week. In other words, I couldn't see Hinata outside of school. The kid was in and out of the hospital, so if he was admitted again, I wouldn't see him until my groundation let up, or he was discharged.

My mother also said she would be talking with Hinata's mom. So, basically, I fucked everyone over. Do I totally regret it, though? Hell no. I'll act like I do, but I seriously don't quite give a shit — _honestly_.

  


* * *

  


Tuesday morning, my mother asked me for Hinata's mothers number. I didn't have that, so I ended up giving her the “next best thing”: Hinata's number, to which she can get his moms number through him.

However, she did wind up taking my phone. And she said she would keep it for a month — to keep up with time, I would get it back at the start of winter break, only about a week before my birthday.

Birthdays...

When's Hinata's?

Obviously I couldn't ask him right now, I would have to wait for school. I didn't want to go to school. I just wanted to go with Hinata to wherever he wanted to go. But I knew I couldn't do that. One, Hinata wouldn't allow it. Two, my mother wouldn't allow it. Three, I still have to think about after high school.

God. I didn't want to think about my life after Hinata was gone...

I ended up tripping and almost falling on my face into the asphalt road, catching myself and adjusting my bag strap. I don't know what I tripped on, but I winded up stopping at the special little intersection. I wondered if Hinata had already gone through, already heading off to school. I wanted to wait for him, but if I waited to long and was late, my mother was sure to find out and would think I was intentionally skipping. At that point, I can kiss winter break goodbye. No— I can kiss the entire school year goodbye, and probably on to my second-year, too.

I decided to walk on to school. I was very sluggish with my walking — totally not typical of me, as was not going to practice.

Shit.

I haven't practiced in... 2...? 3 days?

But I knew I didn't want to play volleyball without Hinata. He somehow became my muse for absolutely everything in those two days. And I am totally fine with that.

  


* * *

  


I finally walked onto the Karasuno campus, picking up my pace and feet, eyes shooting around absolutely everywhere in search of my little ball of sunlight.

“Fu-uck—!”

I let out a choked sound, falling over onto something with a thud. I think I crushed whatever the hell it was because they ended up being my cushion to my fall. I lifted myself off them and stood up, looking down at the kid.

I clenched my teeth. I had fallen over onto Sugawara. I quickly went to pull him up onto his feet. Once he was standing, I dipped my head to bow, standing straight within a couple seconds afterwards. “S-sorry!”

Just my luck... Couldn't have been someone who wasn't important, huh?

“Oh. It-it's fine...” He was brushing dirt off his uniform.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded, straightening his stature with a few low, pained groans. “Are you sure?”

“Nope.” He chuckle lightly. “You're a pretty heavy guy, aren't you?”

“Uh, y-yeah. I... I guess so...” I walked up to his side. “You need help walking to the nurses office?”

He parted his lips to speak, but his eyes dropped off me and onto something else. I followed his eyes, though it didn't take long until Daichi had joined us.

“No, thanks, Kageyama. I'll have Daichi help me.” He looked at me, flashing a little smile.

“O-okay.” I took a couple steps away, turning my body to walk to the main building.

“Oh! Kageyama!”

I stopped, looking over my shoulder to Sugawara. “Hinata's in Science Lab B!”

How did he know I was looking for him?

“Thank you!” I called back to him before making haste for that classroom.

  


* * *

  


I walked in, turning my head to look around the classroom, though finding Hinata wasn't hard since his hair was such a bright color. I walked over to the lab table (since those are the only tables they have in here to act as desks) and leaned forward, looking down at the papers her was working on. “I didn't think science was your first class.”

“It isn't.” He mumbled. “But I'm making up time.” _making up time..._ “And I have, like, another ten minutes before class starts.” He looked at me, shrugging before going to collect his things. “I should probably just head on out anyway.”

A few moments later, he was standing and we were walking out of the science lab and to Hinata's first class.

“I'm, um, grounded by the way...”

“I know.”

“I also got my phone taken...”

“I know.”

I bit at my lip, “Did my mom—?”

“My mom doesn't care that she got scolded or whatever. As terrible as it sounds, she doesn't quite care about it in general. I'm pretty sure it's 'cause I have such a little bit of time...”

Oh...

“Are you going to practice after school?”

“Uh...” A long pause. “Y-yeah. I'll go.”

Didn't sound so pleased or sure of himself.

I opted not to question it.

It was a couple minutes of walking before I finally walked Hinata into the classroom, letting him sit down. “I'll see you at lunch.”

Hinata nodded and I left afterwards, heading off to my own class.

  


* * *

  


The bell for lunch rang and I was one of the first to exit the classroom and make my way to the lunchroom. I walked in the twin doors, looking around for any of the other team members. Nada. Then again, they were all probably at their lockers, getting their lunches. I didn't pack anything or brought money to buy anything. 

I walked to a table and sat down, now just looking like an idiot here all by myself.

I sat alone for a couple minutes before Nishinoya and Asahi walked in, going up to the line to get school lunches. My eyes were trained on the doors — in a I'm-totally-not-a-stalker-or-creep kind of way — and fell onto Hinata as he rounded the corner, walking inside the room, Sugawara beside him, and Daichi beside Sugawara. They were talking about something and all seemed pretty immersed in their conversation — which kind of annoyed me because I wanted to be in that conversation instead of sitting alone, looking at the group in a I'm-totally-a-stalker-or-creep kind of way.

Out of nowhere, Hinata looked right at me. I felt my cheeks become hot and I couldn't help but to avert my gaze. I think Sugawara or Daichi pointed me out...

Either way, Hinata had come bounding over to me, a little box in his hands, sitting down next to me with an exasperated breath. He laid his arms down on the table, head in between, forehead pressed against the surface. I patted his back, “Hey, are you really _that_ tired?”

He lifted his head a bit, a little grin on his face. “Honestly, I was up all night last night.” He let out a laugh.

He's so damn cute.

I rubbed his back before pulling my hand off him, tapping the top of his box. “Go ahead and eat, okay?”

“Mm... I'm not all that hungry actually.”

He _isn't_ hungry?

“D'you want it?”

“I want you to eat something.” I said, opening the box. Rice, some little sushi rolls, some fruit and vegetables, and a bit of cut-up meat. All easily eaten with chopsticks. Very convenient, really.

“But I'm not hungry.” He grumbled, pouting, laying his head back down.

“You may not feel hungry, but I know you're stomach has to be a little empty. Just a few bites.”

At that point is when Asahi and Nishinoya sat down with us, although they were talking about something between one another. After that, Sugawara and Daichi... Then Tanaka, as loud as ever, talking about gibberish or something (I could hardly make out what he was saying because he was speaking too fast). Basically, the entire team was sitting around at the table — excluding Tsukishima, because he doesn't particularly like sitting with the group, and Yamaguchi, because he's always at Tsukishima's side. 

Everyone was eating their own food they brought or bought and talking amongst each other. I think that, if Hinata wasn't here, none of them would've sat down with me. But they did try to involve me in their conversations but, personally, I didn't talk much regardless. Partially because I don't particularly know what to talk about, or _how_ , really. Partially because I loved watching Hinata get all excited talking about various things. He looked to be beaming with light. And I didn't quite want to interrupt that — I could tell he's looked more depressed lately, and I also _knew_ he's been more depressed lately. I really loved that light in his eyes.

At some point, though, he calmed down and rested his chin in his raised palm, the silver ring eliciting a glimmer in the light, eyes shutting. He looked to have fallen asleep. I didn't interrupt that, either, since he said he hadn't slept the night before. And because I loved watching him sleep — in a I'm-totally-not-a-stalker-or-creep kind of way.

I had started looking around the lunchroom, resting my chin in my palm, too, though I kept looking back at Hinata here and there. Once during my little “checks,” I could've sworn I saw him twitch, almost like a jolt though not as “intense”. I brushed it off, looking at Daichi at a comment of some training camp. I raised an eyebrow, though the topic was changed relatively quickly, so I continued to look around the lunchroom in a lazy/bored manner.

My eyes landed on Hinata when I saw him twitch again. It wasn't enough for his head to fall, though it was still noticeable.

I could feel my heart beat a little faster because I thought he was about to have a seizure.

God damn... I need to stop sketching out so much about that...

I looked around in a shorter-radius of area around me, eyes looking at Hinata more frequently, totally ignoring my own comment of not being so on edge.

I swear I saw his arm that was holding him up shake slightly. My dark eyes settled on him, narrowing a bit, heart rate picking up. It was when that slight shaking picked up that I knew.

I saw Hinata starting to fall over slowly, so within a split second, I had stood up and wrapped my arms around him, catching him. He was noticeably shaking now, making choking sounds as I held him like that, trying to pick him up lay him down on the ground as gently as possible. 

When I looked over to my team mates, they were already looking at me, eyes wide. “Tanaka, help me!”

My heart was busy running a damn marathon.

Tanaka stood up and came up to us, taking Hinata's legs and lifting them at the same time I lifted his torso. I lowered the boy down, rolling him onto his left side. I pushed the couple of chairs nearby out of the way, holding his body up on his side, one knee right behind his lower back, the other knee at his shoulders, left hand under his head for protection, the other barely touching his shoulder as he continued to shake uncontrollably. 

Fuck. What do we do? Call an ambulance?

I looked up to order someone else around when Sugawara said Nishinoya had run off to get the nurse.

I exhaled deeply, eyes looking back down at Hinata as he continued to have his seizure; his eyes open, looking forward at nothing, mouth open to release those horrible choking sounds, a bit of drool coming out the corner of his mouth.

Suddenly, he stopped shaking, blinking once and inhaling a quick breath of air, just before his eyes rolled back and shut as he exhaled deeply and he just laid motionless.

My heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be happy n shit, eh oh well. But I seriously thought it would be, but then I had an idea near the beginning and... Yeah, I can't even trust myself XD
> 
> This wasn't influenced by commenting I swear. This actually happened. Like, my friend was sleeping like this in class, I was sitting behind them, I saw them twitch and such... So I started watching them. Then I saw their arm shake and they started falling out of the seat, I got up and got them before they fell and "ordered people around" to have someone help me get ma friend out of the chair. Well, yeah, you get it... (High key feel proud of myself for catching them though, cause like no one else noticed and I moved so fast and... shit...) *awkward forced cough*
> 
> This chapter is also known as the chapter that I realized Kageyama is me. I wanna say a couple select points but *ahem*
> 
> I need to get better chapter titles XD
> 
> And apparently I really like “XD” too...
> 
> *XDs out'a here*


	18. Tiny Little Soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You basically said ‘Small Small Soldier’ in your title there. (Lol)” um... Oh well~ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
>  
> 
> AMV: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zYjCOhvIu5Y

Did he—? Did he just stop breathing?

Fuck. Is he dead?!

I was about to reach for his neck to check for a pulse, but then he inhaled deeply and opened his eyes slowly. He looked around momentarily before locking his eyes on me. “Hey...” I whispered. He didn't say anything, just sat himself up. I swallowed back, standing myself up and offering a hand to help him up. I was still shaking from anxiety, and my heart was just all over the place.

The nurse walked into the cafeteria and beside Hinata who had already sat himself back in his seat. She called out around the cafeteria for everyone to clear out.

Shit, how many people saw that?

Everyone walked out into the hallway and the doors were shut, with the volleyball team standing at the doors. People were complaining about losing lunch time. Some people were talking about the seizure itself. The number of people who actually saw it was probably very low, but they were sure to talk and eventually the whole school would probably know. I would be lying if I said that idea didn't piss me off.

After about five minutes, the nurse came back out and allowed students to walk back in. Everyone filed back in. Most people went back to what they were doing before, a few walked up to Hinata, asking if he's okay, followed by a myriad of other questions. I didn't bother sitting down, just put a hand on his shoulder. “You wanna get out of here?” He didn't hesitate before standing up with me. I walked him out of there, and out into the hallway. I didn't really know where we were going to go now but I figured it'd be better for him not to be in there.

Sugawara and Daichi came out of the cafeteria, walking beside us.

“Are you okay, Hinata?” Sugawara asked.

He nodded.

“Don't you need to go to the hospital or something?” Daichi asked, leaning forward to look at the boy clearly.

He shook his head. “No. It'd kind of be a waste of time to go every time I had a seizure. Just if it lasts longer than five minutes or, like, if I bust capillaries in my head...” He paused, rubbing the back of his head.

“Uh, no...” I paused, looking forward again.

“Kageyama caught you before you fell.” Sugawara said with a smile.

Hinata leaned into me gently for a moment, as if saying thanks, before walking straight.

“No one else noticed until Kageyama got up to catch you.” Daichi murmured, probably feeling a tad bit guilty for it.

“Tanaka helped me get you out of the chair.” I added, trying to get minds off Daichi's comment. It'd sound like no one cared enough to notice. I'm surprised I did, since it was pretty slight, hardly noticeable...

“How are you already, like, up and moving and such?” I asked, thinking that he'd be disoriented and confused for awhile.

“I guess I just recovered quickly. How long was it?”

“Um. No longer than thirty-forty seconds...”

He sighed in relief. “That was one of my best ones. Didn't hit my head, didn't last long, I recovered quickly...” He smiled before looking up at me. “Where are we going?” Hinata asked.

I parted my lips to say something, but Sugawara beat me to it. “The gym.”

“The gym?” I echoed.

“Why?” Hinata asked, turning his head to look at the other male.

“You two haven't been to practice in a couple days. And especially Hinata, since he's been in the hospital. It'd be nice, right?”

Hinata nodded quickly, excitedly.

The last time he was in that gym was... When he had a seizure during practice. He's still as excited as ever to go anyway.

Like a tiny little soldier.

  


* * *

  


We walked inside the gym, and Hinata was already running off to the storage closet to get the volleyballs. He was at the door before turning around, looking a little distraught. The poor kid just remembered it was locked.

Daichi jogged up to him, unlocking the door and opening it for him. He ran inside before rolling the basket of volleyballs out to the court. Sugawara and I were setting up the net. Hinata could hardly contain himself standing there, waiting for us to finish. Right when the net was up, we all got our school jackets off. It'd take too much time to change into gym clothes, so this was close enough.

Hinata was already in position, looking at the ball in my hand, eyes wide. I tossed the ball into the air, eyes immediately falling onto Hinata as he ran across the court, leaping into the air, arm extended backwards before cloning forward, palm smacking against the surface of the ball and onto the other side of the court with another good smack as it came into contact with the floor.

I noticed he seemed a bit slower. His jump was also slightly delayed, and he hadn't gotten that high into the air like he used to. And he didn't have as much power in his spike.

I blame not practicing for so long.

  


* * *

  


The four of us practiced for about ten minutes before Hinata tapped out and plopped down on the bench. He was gripping the edge, leaning forward, breathing heavily. I sat down next to him. “Are you okay?”

“Mmhmm...” He exhaled deeply, eyes shut.

“Are you sure?”

“I just feel dizzy...”

Oh...

I bit at my lip, looking away from him and onto Sugawara and Daichi who were talking with one another and walking up to me and Hinata.

“Sugawara?”

He looked at me quickly. “Huh?”

“Did I hurt you badly earlier? When I, um, accidentally bumped into you and...”

“Oh, no.” He let out a quick laugh. “Just a couple minor bruises. Don't fret over it.”

“What's up with Hinata?” Daichi asked, looking down at the ginger-haired boy.

“He feels dizzy.”

They went quiet for a little while.

“D-do you want to go the nurse?”

“No.” Hinata said adamantly.

The kid really didn't seem to like the school nurse... Or maybe—

“I don't need to be babied all the time.” He grumbled, opening his eyes to glare at the gymnasium floor. “I just feel a little dizzy. It's not like it's gonna kill me.”

I bit my lip, glancing at Hinata, then Daichi, Sugawara, then the floor.

Dizziness wouldn't kill him, but whatever he had will... Speaking of which, I never did ask about what it was exactly. I also didn't want to ask about it. He's irritated now, and asking may irritate him further — or otherwise cause him to be more upset somehow.

“Sorry.” Sugawara whispered.

“Ah, no. Don't be sorry.” He lifted his head, dropping the glare. “I shouldn't get mad over you asking a simple question anyone would ask if someone said they were dizzy.” He lifted himself off the bench. “Sorry, Sugawara-san.” He said, corners of his lips curved upward slightly. “We should probably head on to class, right?”

“Right.” Daichi said, going to return the basket of volleyballs to the storage room, while me, Hinata, and Sugawara took down the net.

  


* * *

  


We walked back into the school. Just before we all parted to go to our different classes, Hinata spoke up. “Thanks for that, by the way. It was really fun to play for a little while.” He had his head down, looking at the ground. He seemed to be happy to have done that, but he also seemed sad now.

“You're welcome, Hinata.” Sugawara said with a smile.

“Will you be at practice after school?”

Hinata nodded.

“Alright. See you then, Hinata!” Sugawara said cheerily before he walked off with Daichi.

Hinata turned to me, tapping my arm to signal he was going to start walking. I followed him. He still had his head down, and he had reached an arm up to grasp the fabric of my shirt in between a few fingers. “I don't know how much longer I'll be able to play.” He said lowly.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because physical activity like running always makes me dizzy, and I'll probably end up having a seizure every time. Or I'll just never know when I'll have one, and I may end up falling again like that last time.”

So he won't be able to play volleyball...

“Oh...” Now even _I_ had my head down.

He's having everything taken away from him piece by piece, and all he can do is sit back and watch.

“I still wanna play, as long as I can until the doctor's tell me I just _can't_ anymore...”

“I'll keep tossing the ball to you, then. And if you fall, I'll be right there to catch you, okay?”

“Okay.” He said quietly. I think he wanted to cry, but he didn't. I think he wanted to cry, but he was trying to hold himself together and be strong.

Tiny little soldier...

I wish we could trade places. He deserves to keep living, not have his life taken away so quickly. He needed to keep shedding his beautiful light onto every possible damn thing. He's the sun — and the entire universe needs him; they need to see that bright light. He deserves to see the entire universe. The entire damn universe was made to be seen by his eyes. He deserves to have everything he wants... I'll try to give him everything he wants.

We stopped walking when we were at Hinata's classroom. He let go of my shirt and walked inside. He sat down at his desk, arms resting on top of the surface. I could see him rubbing at the ring on his left hand. “I'll see you later.” I called to him. No response. I bit at my lip and walked down the hallway, making my way to my own classroom.

Part of me just couldn't wait until practice so I could see Hinata, the other part was afraid he'd have another seizure.

All I could do was just go through the rest of the school day and go to practice. I just needed to be there so I could feel a little more secure. Maybe I'm getting a little cocky at having caught him once. Either way, it's more than anyone else and—

I need to tone my cockiness down a bit...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think you all understand that this is the kind'a shit I was thinking. Cause my friend stopped moving like that and I'm like "oh shit. Did they stop breathing?" And I'm over here looking all calm n shit when in reality I'm shaking and my heart is 50 Shades of Fucked Up
> 
> Okay so like "stop breathing" doesn't make sense, because during a seizure, the person doesn't actually breathe the whole time. So "dying" seems better to say, but it seems really melodramatic(?) Um... "Their heart stopped"(?)
> 
> ... Fuck it.


	19. Heavy Coats and Heavy Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama goes to Hinata's house on their snow-day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (My chapter summaries are getting increasingly shittier. haha... ha...)
> 
> Okay so this is like a major time skip. Like. Months. Like, it's December now.
> 
> And I was looking back at earlier chapters and noticed so many freakin' mistakes. A few grammatical errors are okay-ish, but like I had full-out sentences. I doubled up on freaking sentences without realizing it. I am ashamed of myself. Because one of these mess-ups happened all the way back in Ch. 13 and... no one noticed I guess?? I was writing in Kageyama's POV for a Hinata chapter and. Fuuuuuck.
> 
> I needed to share this song because it's titled “Sun”  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOQrfLFDUKY

The past weeks had been rather hellish. I had to start being driven to school because I had a couple seizures while walking to and from school, so my mom took it upon herself to just drive me. I asked about Kageyama walking me, but she said she'd feel better if she just drove me. I didn't protest further.

I went to practice less and less as I felt increasingly more dizzy and nauseas more frequently; that, and also that I started having seizures a lot more.

I expected that. That I wouldn't be able to play volleyball anymore. I just didn't think it'd be taken from me so soon. However, the doctor's hadn't said to just stop entirely; they just told me to “ease up”. So I opted to just go as much as I possibly could.

In that time — close to two months — I had gone to the hospital three times. Once for a “check up,” a scan of my brain to see what was happening up there. It had grown to where it almost completely covered the cerebrum and was now growing on the temporal lobe. Whatever the hell that is.

I think I'm expiring faster than the doctor's expected...

Today was a Thursday. School was cancelled today — and most likely tomorrow, too — due to snow. I took this as a great opportunity to invite Kageyama over. I was huddled in my room, slipping into some boots, tucking my pants inside as I stood up. I grabbed my coat I laid on my bed, sliding my arms inside and zipping it up. I got a scarf, wrapped it semi-loosely around my neck, put on a knit hat, and pulled a pair of gloves on my hands.

“Shouyou! Your friend is here!” My mother called from downstairs. I almost tripped over myself as I made haste for my bedroom door and opened it, walking down the stairs and to the front door, opening it.

I looked up at the taller male with a smile, pushing myself forward and wrapping my arms around him into a hug. This is where I felt the warmest, the safest, the happiest — right here, in his arms.

I sighed contentedly before drawing back, reaching inside for the door knob. “Going to walk around the forest, okay?”

“Alright. Check back in in an hour!”

And with that, I shut the door and took hold of Kageyama's arm, practically dragging him with me as I walked hurriedly around my house and towards the barrage of trees.

I finally let go of his hand when we were at the edge of the forest. I let out a huff, walking slower inside, eyes looking around at the snowy forest. “I almost never leave that house nowadays...” I murmured, continuing to walk with Kageyama just behind. “My mom doesn't trust me not having a seizure, or having something else happening to me related to the tumor...” I paused. “Especially the seizures. I don't know why she sketches out so much.”

“Because you could get really hurt during one?” He said in a questioning way. “And your heart could stop, too.”

I let out a groan of annoyance, eyes focused on the ground to make sure I didn't trip over a branch or something.

“I like going to school still because I get to see all of you. And I also like being able to leave the house during the day.”

_Especially seeing the team._

I wanted to see everyone as much as possible before I couldn't leave the house or the hospital or... Or I didn't wake up.

I could stand staying at home, but I just wanted to see everyone's faces and be able to talk to them all face-to-face.

I think I have perfectly round 0s in all my classes by now. No point in doing the work anymore, right? Not like I did much of it before.

“Why doesn't your mom let you spend the night at someone else's house?”

“She doesn't trust anyone knowing what to do if I had a seizure or just vomiting relentlessly or whatever.”

“What about me?”

I stopped walking, looking over my shoulder at the boy. “I actually hadn't asked...” I narrowed my eyes, furrowing my brows downward. I returned to a neutral expression quickly, looking forward as I continued trudging through the snow. “I'll have to ask when we get back.”

  


* * *

  


We walked for awhile before I stopped at a small waterfall and river. I stood at the edge of the low cliff. Maybe “dangerously” close, but I don't think it's all that dangerous. The “cliff” is only a couple feet above the water, and the water itself is no greater than three feet deep.

Kageyama stood beside me, hands in his jacket pockets, looking down at the running water.

“I liked jogging through these woods, especially around all the hills and such. I can't do that anymore, sadly.” I breathed, patting his arm as I started walking alongside the river.

I shoved my hands into my coat pockets. “Have you been practicing?”

“... No.”

“Why?” I said in a mildly harsh tone, looking over at him.

He looked a little scared, though only for a moment, before returning to his natural bitch-faced expression.

“I, uh, don't want to practice without you.”

“That's stupid.” I grumbled, looking forward. “You need to keep yourself in good shape for these upcoming matches.”

“I don't want to play without you, though.”

“You're going to have to.” I said through clenched teeth.

“A-are you mad at me?”

“Yeah. A little.”

“Why?”

“Because there's nothing physically holding you back. It's not like you're physically incapable. Like, you can practice for _hours_ , and like... Ugh.” I don't know how I could explain it. Or maybe I did, I just lost it halfway. “It's almost like you're taking what you have for granted.”

“I'm sorry...”

I sighed. “It's fine.” I looked over my shoulder to him again, slowing down my walking so we were walking side-by-side. “Just promise me you'll practice every day like you used to, okay?”

He nodded. “Alright...” He said in a low tone.

  


* * *

  


We kept walking for awhile and lightened the mood as we talked. When the time came, we headed back to my house, like my mom had asked us to do.

I opened the door, stepping inside, taking my boots, coat, gloves, hat, and scarf off before walking into the living room. I plopped down on the couch, sprawling out as I laid down, Kageyama walking in just after me. He sat down at the end of the couch, in the small opening I left.

I got back up, moving my body and laying back down on my side, head on his lap. He started stroking his hand through my hair. I probably could've fallen asleep like that, if my mother hadn't called for us from the kitchen, asking if we wanted hot chocolate.

I lifted my head, eyes big. I lifted my body up, totally abandoning Kageyama in the living room as I rushed to the kitchen. My mother looked to be as I walked in, eyes darting around the room. My mother laughed, “Sit down, Shouyou, I'll get you a cup right now.” I looked at her before settling myself down in a stool at the little island in the kitchen, Kageyama walking in slowly and sitting down next to me.

Somehow, Kageyama seemed to have gotten more sluggish than I have over the past several weeks. One would think it'd be the other way around.

We sat for a couple minutes before my mom set the cups down in front of us. I lifted mine up to my mouth and sipped on it, falling in love with the sweet chocolatey taste.

“Isn't that hot?”

I turned my head to look at Kageyama who had worried spelled on his face. “Huh?” I blinked a couple times, looking at the cup of liquid in my hands. “Oh.” I looked back at Kageyama, nodding my head once. “Yes, it isn't hot.”

Kageyama didn't question it further, just slowly looked away and raised the cup to his mouth, blowing gently against the surface of the liquid. I looked away from him, taking another sip from the cup.

After we finished off our cups of hot chocolate, we left the kitchen and went back to put our clothes back on and went back outside. This time around, we walked around for a couple more hours before coming back to the house to finally settle ourselves down, taking off our coats and such and laying them down near the front door. We would've continued to spend time outside... but Kageyama ended up complaining about being cold a few more times than once, so I just gave in and came back to the house to hang out in my room.

  


* * *

  


I shut the door behind us, plugging in the special lights Kageyama seemed to like so much. And, of course, my window was covered with the black curtain, so the only light we saw was that of the Christmas lights. I laid down in my bed, curling into a little ball on my side as I nestled up close to Kageyama, head on his chest, his hand in my hair. I don't know why, but I really loved when he played with my hair. It relaxed me and, most of the time, I fell asleep.

I let out a content sigh, closing my eyes, getting ready to let my body shut itself down and let me sleep, but Kageyama spoke up. “Hey, don't fall asleep on me again.”

I groaned, sitting myself up, glaring at the male, though in a kind of “playful” way. “What do you wanna do then?”

He shrugged.

I puffed out my cheeks, giving him a pouty face. He smiled, reaching a hand to grace over my forehead and run through my hair.

“You're really cute, you know.”

“Yeah, you tell me almost every time we hang out.” I flopped back down, rolling to the other side of my bed before sitting up, sitting criss-crossed. “How long have we been together now?”

“Uh... f-four months?”

“Yeah. Seems about right...” I murmured with a bit of a nod.

“We could watch something on TV?” he suggested.

“Alright.”

I reached for the remote and turned the TV on, tossing him the remote to pick a channel to watch.

“W-why are you giving me this?”

“To pick something out...?”

“But I don't know what to watch.”

“You suggested it. Find something.”

He looked conflicted for a few moments before pressing the same button repeatedly, going through the channels one-by-one. I had no hope that he'd find something to settle on.

“We could always get high?” I suggested after watching him flip through a few dozen channels.

He didn't look at me as he spoke. “Then we'll _both_ be tired and fall asleep.”

“What's wrong with that?”

“I want to spend as much time with you as possible.” He murmured, turning his head to look at me briefly.

I bit my lip, averting my gaze. “Y-you're kind'a, um, sad-looking there, Tobio...”

I saw him look away with a shrug, but he didn't say anything.

I leaned my body side to side repeatedly, rocking myself side to side like that, looking at the TV, fiddling with the little silver ring on my finger. I couldn't tell if my eyesight naturally got worse or what...

I let out a huff. “Well h—”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy damn I'm writing like the last bit of this on my computer that's hella messed up. The last time I used it I remember it wouldn't stay connected to WIFI for a whole minute. So now I'm kind of sketching out that it'll mess up when I've done a bunch of work that hasn't been saved.
> 
> I need to stop cussing to fucking much.
> 
> (I'm not going to stop cussing. That was deliberate.)
> 
> The “random” cut-off at the end is also deliberate. Don't think that I just didn't finish it. It's important. It's special.


	20. Forgetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blessed be all this, the eve of the glorious holiday. Let us celebrate the birth of our sun: Hinata Shōyō.
> 
>  
> 
> Tf you mean you're "not having a good time"?!
> 
>  
> 
> And also have this song:  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n6BwAWiHcSg

I sucked in a breath, trying to inhale, though I just ended up making a choked sound. After that, I started coughing repeatedly, eyes shooting open and body lurching upwards, clutching my chest as I continued to cough both lungs out. Once I stopped coughing, I plopped back down onto my back, eyes threatening to roll into the back of my head as I tried to keep consciousness. I kept my mouth open, finding it easier to get full breaths that way rather than through my nose. My eyes were open in slits and kept closing at the same time my eyes continuously threatened to roll back.

_What the fuck?_

I slammed my eyes shut tightly, feeling my face scrunch up and eyebrows furrow. I took a few more desperate breath before opening my eyes again, this time having more control and actually being able to see rather than just blurs and smudges. My eyes were shut slightly, but not as much before; this time around, it was more of a tired stance of being.

I started looking around, blinking slowly, breaths coming in huffs. I looked up at a couple unfamiliar people who were hovering over me.

“Hello? Sir? Can you tell me your name?”

“W-what?” I said, voice practically a whisper.

“Your name. Do you know your name?”

_My... name...?_

“Sir do you know what happened to you?”

I started moving my head around. I was in my living room, on the floor, with several people surrounding me. Majority of them were in uniform, while a couple of them were in “regular” clothes...

“Let me through!” Some raven-haired boy had pushed his way through the people in their uniforms, knelling down beside me. “Hey, hey, hey. I'm here. I'm here.” He was just a couple feet away from me. Too close. I instinctively pulled my body away from him, narrowing my eyes as I did a quick once-over. He looked terrified. “D-do you know who I am?” His voice sounded desperate.

“No...?”

The boy looked to be on the verge of tears.

_Why?_

A woman asked the people in uniform to step away before she sat down beside me, taking my hand and holding it in between both of hers. “Do you know who I am? Please tell me you know who I am.”

Why does everyone sound so freaking _desperate_ and absolutely _terrified_?

“Y-yeah. You're my mom.”

“Do you remember your sister?”

I nodded.

“What's her name?”

“Natsu.” I grumbled, sitting myself up with a light groan. My mother let out a sigh of relief.

“Do you remember Kageyama?”

“Who?”

“Kageyama Tobio.”

“Am I _supposed_ to know him?”

She ignored my question and just looked down at our hands, patting the top of mine. “Do you know what happened to you? Do you remember anything?”

“What do you mean?”

“You had a seizure. And your heart stopped.” She started tearing up before taking me in her arms to hug me. I could hear her crying into my shoulder. “A whole two minutes. You-you—”

“But I'm okay now, ma...”

“I know, I know.” she pulled away, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I just came so close to losing you.”

I laughed a bit. “I'm okay. I feel just fine.”

“Miss. We're going to do some tests now, if you don't mind.” My mother looked at them, nodding before stepping away and standing beside the raven-haired boy from earlier.

I looked to one of the EMTs as they spoke. “What's your name?”

“Hinata Shouyou.”

“How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“When's your birthday?”

“June twenty-first...” I said with a sigh.

These questions were becoming increasingly more annoying...

  


* * *

  


The EMTs asked several more questions before taking my vitals. They said everything appeared to be fine, but they also took my mother to the side to talk to her privately. For some reason, the raven-haired boy was with her.

How come he can hear that, but I can't?

Who the hell does he think he is?!

I gritted my teeth, glaring at the boy. The EMTs left and my mother walked up to me. I was sitting on the island counter in the kitchen, swinging my legs that were dangling off the edge, hands grasping the edge of the marbled surface. “Shouyou, why don't you head on to bed, okay?”

I let out a huff, hopping off the counter and walking out into the hallway, turning the corner to walk up the stairs. I raised a foot onto the first step before I stopped, a hand grabbing my upper arm. I looked over my shoulder. The raven-haired boy. He was staring at me, making direct eye contact. I stared right back. He was... kind of sad-looking...

“Do you... really not remember me?”

“No. I don't.” I said through gritted teeth, pulling my arm away. He just stood there, dropping his arm down to his side, gaze lowering.

The hell does he think he is grabbing my arm? This guy's got some serious balls...

I looked at him a few more moments before walking up the stairs.

I heard a voice from behind, but ignored it, continuing up the stairs and to my room.

I let out an exasperated breath, plopping down on my bed. I was about to just pull myself under the covers, but I realized I was in jeans and a shirt and socks. Yeah, how about no?

I slid off my bed, going to pull my socks off. I stopped briefly, staring at some silver ring on my hand. I sure as hell don't remember putting it on. I brushed it off, pulling my socks off and tossing them to a corner. I stood up, pulling the ring off and tossing it onto my desk just before slipping out of the jeans and pulling the shirt off over my head. I walked over to the outlet, unplugging the lights. I crawled back into bed, figuring that it's _my_ bed, so I could just sleep in my underwear. 

I pulled the blankets over my body, laying down on my side.

For some reason, I didn't want to close my eyes. I felt terrified that, one day, I would close them, and never open them again. I wanted to be able to wake up and be able to see—

Why did it just go blank? What did I want to see?

Why can't I remember?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahaha... haha... ha...
> 
> This is going to go downhill for a few chapters. I am (not) sorry.
> 
> EDIT (like 4-5 hours after posting this ish): I just realized how Hinata probably should be at the hospital n shit but I'm gonna explain a 'lil something that will explain Hinata forgetting shit in the next chapter. Yeah. Okay. Bye.


	21. An Important Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata wakes up to more than a couple dozen texts from teammates, as well as a couple strangers.
> 
> Hinata realizes he's lost some pieces of his memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us take a moment to appreciate our beautiful ball of light, our sun: Hinata Shōyō.
> 
> And also a moment of silence for what we have lost: Hinata's memory.
> 
>  
> 
> Using abbreviations for names during texts. One, to keep up with who's talking/texting. Two, because names are too long and annoying and I am very lazy. (which is why I haven't really gone back through older chapters)
> 
> I am also very gay. Rainbow gay. Reaching maximum override gay. Atomic gay. Gaining gay XPs. Reaching a new, higher level of gay every day.
> 
>  
> 
> (Also lowkey have social anxiety like a mother fucker XD I get nervous replying to comments; I'll read the message, then wait hours to reply because I don't know how, then I'll type one out, think I sound stupid or weird, erase it, write basically the same thing just worded differently... Then I end up saying “Fuck it” — just like I do with many things.  
> And on this RP site I'm on, I'll want to ask the creator of the thread a question during an RP/on applications, but then I opt against it because I think I'll sound stupid and... You get it, yeah?  
> Very fun. 10/10 would cry again)
> 
>  
> 
> And another song! :  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2oxFIsENgM

I woke up to a raging migraine and the very obnoxious, very familiar sound of my phone vibrating relentlessly. I gritted my teeth, raising a hand to grasp my head, brushing my hair a bit while my antithetical hand reached for my phone on the shelf next to me. I looked at the myriad of text messages I received the night before and was still currently receiving. I let out an exasperated breath, setting my phone down and sliding out of bed, sluggishly walking out of my room and to the bathroom to take my morning medication and about five hundred bottles of ibuprofen for my damn head...

I returned to my room a couple minutes later, the sound of my phone continuing to vibrate still present, though it was mostly muffled from the soft cushioning of my bed. I crawled up onto my bed, laying on my stomach, feet in the air as I started going through the messages. “Sugawara...” I mumbled, opening the messages.

_SK: [What happened between you and Kageyama? Are you two okay?]_

I tilted my head before completely rolling over onto my side, my arm now under my head while I held my phone up with the antithetical hand.

_[What do you mean? I don't even talk to him. （πーπ）]_

_SK: [You don't?]_

_[I don't even have his number.]_

_SK: [Why not?]_

_[Because we aren't friends?? Haha (=￣▽￣=)Ｖ]_  
_[Oh crap! Are you two friends? (゜-゜)]_

_SK: [Yeah.]_

_[Why though??? Σ(T□T)]_

_SK: [Because he's on our team...]_

_[Since when?? (◎_◎;)]_

_Read at 10:02am_

No reply.

I switched over to my messages with Tanaka.

_TR: [Hey, are you okay? Kageyama said you had a bad seizure.]_

_[You mean at school? Weren't you there for that?]_

_TR: [No... Like, about a week ago — Thursday when we had that snow day? You had a seizure and went to the hospital, I thought. ... ]_

I don't remember that.

_TR: [ ... Weren't you discharged yesterday?]_

I pressed the home button and looked at the calendar. “Wednesday, the ninth of December...” I read aloud before going back to my messages.

_[I guess...? Haha, I don't really know. (*´艸｀) I remember waking up yesterday and a bunch of EMTs were around me. Ohhh. Is that the seizure you were talking about? (゜。゜)]_

_TR: [No but, weren't you declared dead or something?]_

_[Two minutes, apparently.]_

_TR: [Kageyama was there, right?]_

_[It was in my house. Why would he be here? Lol（＞ｙ＜）]_

_Read at 10:06am_

No reply.

People reading my messages and not responding is getting a little bit annoying...

I opened up my messages with... “Ni...shi...noya.”

_NY: [SSHHOOOUUUYYOOOUUU!!!!]_  
_NY: [COME HERE!!! YOUR SENPAI DEMANDS YOUR PRESENCE!!! (◣_◢)]_  
_NY: [uGH. Are you sleeping?? -`д´-]_  
_NY: [Wakey, wakey... (¬､¬)]_  
_NY: [Souyou, get up]_  
_NY: [GET YOUR ASS UP ALREADY!! (⋋▂⋌)]_

I read over the messages repeatedly. I didn't recognize the name, but somehow I had their number saved in my phone... And they sure as hell talked to me like they've known be awhile.

Wait—

No. Please don't tell me it happened. It couldn't have—I swear— I just...

I didn't know what to do, so I just laid there, staring blankly at my phone screen until it turned off on its own. I forgot about Nishinoya. I don't know who that is. How could I possibly get myself to remember what I've forgotten? I can't even imagine this person in my head and—

_[Can you send me a picture of yourself?]_

_NY: [THE CORPSE HAS AWOKEN!!! (ᗒᗨᗕ)]_  
_NY: [God, I thought you'd sleep forever. Geez. Learn to reply to messages, you ass. (¬､¬)]_

I guess it was only then that they actually read my message, because they stopped messaging me for a short while before I got a picture. I looked at the image, sitting up in my bed. 

_NY: [Why do you need a picture?]_

This guy's important to me somehow. I just needed help to remember. I'll get it.

I'll remember.

_[I... don't remember you.]_

_Read at 10:17am_

I swear if I see that damn “read” indication one more time, I'm going to lose it.

I gritted my teeth, switching over to another set of messages. 

_KK: [Hey. Heard you got out of the hospital recently. Are you okay?]_  
_KK: [Kageyama told me. I don't know how he got my number though. Kind of creepy... Did you give it to him?]_  
_KK: [I got my hands on a new game. It's pretty fun. Maybe we could hang out sometime and I'll let you play it?]_

_[Yeah. I'm fine. Tired and had a migraine when I woke up, but that's it.]_

That name again. _Kageyama._

I guess he's important because everyone seems to be mentioning him. Except Nishinoya, but he's another issue. Someone else I need to remember.

What do I know about Kageyama?

\- I played against him in junior high.  
\- Known as the “King of the Court”  
\- Resting bitch-face.  
\- An overall dick to basically everyone.  
\- On the volleyball team, apparently.

Why would I _want_ to know him?

Okay, Hinata, no. He's important somehow, I just don't remember why. Maybe he is just on the team, or maybe we somehow became friends. The latter seems too impossible to be true.

_[I might have. I don't remember. Sorry.]_  
_[And yeah! Maybe we can plan for that this weekend? (^○^) What kind of game is it??]_

A notification appeared at the top of the screen. A message from Sugawara.

'Bout damn time.

_SK: [Would you be opposed to hanging out today?]_

_[No. It'd be really nice to see you, Sugawara!! {*≧∀≦}]_

_SK: [What if I brought some other company with me...]_

_[Who's the company?? Ծ_Ծ]_

_SK: [Daichi and Tobio.]_

_[Who's Daichi?]_

_SK: [He's... my boyfriend.]_

_[How long have you had a boyfriend?! �(ﾟ□ﾟ*川]_

_[Over a year, Shouyou...]_

Shit.

Another important person.

I should probably start writing these names down...

_[Wait— Tobio...?? Like, Kageyama Tobio? (¬､¬)]_

_[Yes. Kageyama Tobio and Daichi Sawamura.]_

I was about to object, but I opted against it, reminding myself that both of these people were important to me somehow. Maybe seeing them would strike up some memories?

_[Fine. （￣ε￣）]_

_[We'll be over sometime after noon, okaaayy? (＾▽＾)]_

_['Kay...]_

I returned to my list of messages, going down to find the ones I hadn't yet looked at. 

  


* * *

  


It took me about an hour to get through all of my unread messages, and to reply to them all.

I stopped when I saw that Kageyama was the last one left.

I stared at the name for awhile before finally tapping the screen to open the messages.

_KT: [Do you recognize my name?]_  
_KT: [I mean it's okay if you don't. Because I'm going to get you to remember it.]_  
_KT: [I'll get you to remember me.]_  
_KT: [I guess I'll start with we're boyfriends.]_  
_KT: [We both confessed that we had crushed on each other for awhile. And then I just asked you— Or I TRIED to. You stopped me and asked me to make it sound 'official' and to do it like a proposal.]_  
_KT: [I got down on one knee but before I said anything you turned away from me and dug around through your desk. You pulled out some silver ring and handed it to me. I called you an idiot because of how adorably dorky you were. I took your left hand then asked you. You just nodded and I slipped the ring onto your finger and then we hugged each other tightly for awhile.]_  
_KT: [... Is it more appropriate to say we WERE boyfriends? Sorry...]_  
_KT: [Do you remember this last Thursday? I came over and we walked around in the forest, we went to the little river down there. We came back to your house and your mom asked if we wanted hot chocolate. I've never seen someone get up and scamper off so fast... It was really cute. We went outside for awhile but came back because I complained about being cold.]_  
_KT: [I kind of wish I just sucked it up. I'd give anything to spend more time with you now. I just really want to see your beautiful smile and that light in your eyes.]_  
_KT: [... Do you remember any of this?]_

The last message he sent in all those clusters. I sucked in a breath, blinking quickly a couple times as I continued to stare at the messages. I saw a water drop fall onto my phone screen. I raised a hand to my cheek, feeling the wetness there.

I was crying.

Why the hell am I crying?

I don't even remember these things!

I sucked in another couple breaths before I really started crying. I dropped my phone and grabbed hold of my blankets, pulling my knees closer to my chest as I shoved my face into my blankets, starting to sob almost hysterically.

I couldn't remember any of this. And maybe something subconsciously could and was eliciting these tears.

I don't wanna feel like this. It fucking hurts and I don't even know why it hurts!

I heard my phone go off a few times, but I was just balling my eyes out.

When I was finally done with that episode — which I think lasted five-ten minutes; can you believe it? Crying over something you don't even remember? Maybe it's the fact that I know I can't remember it? — I had reached for my phone again.

_KT: [Shouyou?]_  
_KT: [Are you mad at me?]_  
_KT: [... Do you hate me?]_

_[I don't remember any of that. I'm sorry.]_

_KT: [Do you still have the ring?]_

Ring?

Oh, right. I lifted my head to my desk, where I had clumsily tossed the ring off to. I hesitantly slid to the edge and finally off the bed. I walked over to the desk, going to shuffle through the things I had scattered about.

I couldn't find it.

I returned to my bed, lying down on my back, legs crossed, phone in hand once more.

_[I... Took it off...]_

_KT: [Try looking at it? Sometimes objects help people remember.]_

Well, shit.

_[I kind of lost it, actually...]_

He read my message but didn't reply for a little while.

_KT: [I'll help you look for it when I come over, alright?]_

_['Kay.]_

  


* * *

  


I laid down in my bed, still recovering from my little... breakdown, and continued to go through messages until I heard my mother call for me. I looked up from my phone, sitting up, scooting to the edge of my bed, and sliding off to stand. I left my phone on my bed, opening my door and walking out into the hall, standing at the top of my stairs. By now, I at least had some sweatpants and a shirt on. I mean, what time was it? Like, 1 in the afternoon?

“You have guests.” My mother said from the bottom of the stairs.

I bit my lower lip. “Um...”

“Do you want to come down into the living room?”

“Uh. Y-yeah. Sure...”

I started walking down the stairs slowly.

Will seeing their faces help me remember?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drink however much it takes to soothe your wounds.


	22. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's recollection of the days following up to Hinata losing his memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When people are rude to you, but you stay chill for awhile, then they keep being rude to you, then when you're finally rude to them back, they get mad/upset and it's like WWIII and suddenly you're the most horrible person ever. I do not understaaaannndd.
> 
>  
> 
> This is the "catch up" chapter where it kind'a explains what happens from Thursday until... um... now(?). Wednesday. The Wednesday after. Thursday-Wednesday. There we go.
> 
> Another song (change the "she" to "he" lalala):  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQ0KHL_Xlc

I continued to press my thumb down on the button to go through the channels one-by-one. I heard Shouyou's voice, which compelled me to look over. In that moment, he fell down onto his side. When I tried to lurch forward to catch him, I managed to grab his leg as he tumbled off the bed onto the floor. I got off the bed quickly, picking him up and pulling him away from the small space between his bed and the wall. Easier said than done, considering he was seizing and I could hardly manage a good hold on him while he shook relentlessly in my arms.

I laid him down on his left side, one knee on the ground behind his lower back, the other knee on the ground against his upper back, one hand under his head for safety, and my other hand on the side of his stomach for more support. My eyes fell upon the clock on the DVR. I made note of the time, _3:57_ , then looked back at Shouyou.

His mother came into the room and quickly rushed beside me, knelling down as she tried to keep his legs as stable as she could without completely restraining them — holding someone down during a seizure is hazardous.

We waited for awhile, but he just wouldn't stop shaking.

I let out a quick breath, looking back up at the clock. _4:03_

“Shit...” I whispered, looking to his mother. “He's been going for over five minutes.” I could see the worry on her face. “My phone is on the nightstand.” She nodded, getting up slowly and going for my phone, calling for an ambulance. She stayed on the call as she knelled back down next to me, talking with the operator. We got lucky some of the roads had been cleared by that time.

By the time they had come — ten minutes later, step up your damn game, guys — Shouyou had stopped seizing. Well, _briefly_ , he stopped for a couple minutes, then had another one that lasted about three minutes. Those last couple of minutes, and when the paramedics actually arrived, he just laid on his side, motionless — aside from his chest expanding and deflating as inhaled and exhaled slowly — his milk chocolate eyes staring blankly forward, narrowed slightly in an exhausted manner, but he didn't blink.

The paramedics got him onto a stretcher and hauled him out to the ambulance. None of us rode, however, because Natsu was too young and, if Shouyou had another seizure... It'd be traumatic. Instead, we all just piled into their mother's car and she drove us to the hospital. Natsu kept asking why her older brother was taken in an ambulance. Their mother had a hard time coming up with something to explain in the most “child-y” way possible. Something along the lines of “He has a really bad boo-boo” — I kind of hate that word, but it'll work for a child's mind... — “so he needs to be closely monitored by the doctors until he gets to the hospital.”

  


* * *

  


We got to the hospital and waited in the lobby room for a good couple hours before Shouyou's parents were allowed back. I waited in the waiting room with Natsu for another hour before a nurse came out and led us to his room.

I don't know what I really expected to see when I walked in. I know I _wanted_ to see Shouyou, all smiles, already ready to get the fuck out. No. It couldn't ever be that simple. I'd have to get used to this sort of thing.

I released an exasperated sigh, walking through the door the nurse held open for us. Natsu let go of my hand, running off ahead into the room. I slowly walked inside, looking around the corner as if my moving painfully slowly would change anything and magically turn this into something more pleasurable and appealing. I'd have to let that little idea of mine go.

I inhaled quickly, furrowing my brows as I looked at Shouyou, his mother was sitting down beside him on his right side, holding onto his hand. His father just beside her, standing up, hand on her shoulder. Natsu had assumed her normal position on Shouyou's bed.

I clenched my teeth, walking to his left side, hand on the side railing, scanning his body. When I went to finally settle my eyes onto his face, he was already staring at me. “Scoping me out like that isn't gonna do anything but make me feel weird.”

“Oh. S-sorry.” I murmured, averting my gaze, looking downward.

“That doesn't mean totally look away.” He said.

I bit down on my lip, looking back up at him.

Again, he had a bunch of machines hooked onto him. This time around, though, there were three more I hadn't seen the last time he was hospitalized like this. Sure sign he isn't getting better. What could I have hoped for, though? A miracle? I knew this was slowly killing him. All I could do was think about the upcoming three years and try to make it the best damn three years he'll ever experience.

He probably noticed that I looked upset and offered me a warm smile.

I couldn't bring myself to smile if it would save my life. All I did was avert my gaze repeatedly, trying to hold myself together.

At some point, his entire family was talking amongst one another, though I just stood there, uselessly, pointlessly, not even meeting the gaze of any of them. They talked for awhile before I finally felt Shouyou grab my hand. “Tobio?”

I looked up quickly, blinking in surprise.

Somewhere along the way of me getting totally lost in my own thoughts and being utterly distracted, his family left the room.

“What are you thinking about?”

I sighed, looking down at the white sheets.

Is this all I can do? Look down?

I swallowed back, parting my lips to speak, “You're not getting any better.”

“Yeah,” Hinata said with a sigh.

“And-and I'm trying to...” I took a sharp inhale. “Keep it together. This whole time, I've been trying to keep myself together.” I bit down on my lip, closing my eyes briefly as I took a few slow breaths, opening my eyes again. “I don't know how much longer I can keep my shit together.”

“You don't have to—”

“How do you do it? How have you _been_ doing it?” I finally looked up at him, brows furrowing.

He looked down at our hands, his thumb rolling in a couple circles on the back of my hand. “I'm not sure. Maybe it's that I just ignore it, act like it's not there?”

I sighed, turning my hand over so our palms were touching before bringing his hand up to my lips to kiss the back of it, lowering it back down.

“You make me very happy. You help me forget about it. I don't think about what's happening to me when you're around or when we're talking or whatever.”

I finally cracked a slight smile, though I was still on the verge of tears. I couldn't understand how he could forget about it like that. For me, it was a constant pain gnawing at me every single damn moment. It's like he just shrugged it off like it's nothing. But that's not the case. He's aware of it, he's just choosing to not let it drag him down.

I... need to make these last three years... the best damn years he'll ever experience. It'll be my farewell gift to him. And if I keep behaving like this and letting it bother me, it'll drag me down and I won't be able to do that for him.

I rolled my thumb over the silver ring, swallowing back a couple times, taking a few deep breaths. I finally looked up at him, “Shouyou.”

He looked up at me.

I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his, closing my eyes as I melted into the kiss and the warmth he emitted.

I pulled away a few moments later, eyes opening again. I looked directly into his eyes, letting myself get all tangled up in his beautiful milk chocolate eyes.

“I love you.”

His eyes widened a bit, and his lips parted, a light blush spreading across his cheeks. He then exchanged his shocked countenance for a wide grin, tilting his head to the side, eyes shut tight.

He's so fucking cute.

“I love you, too, Tobio!”

  


* * *

  


That would be the last comforting thing I hear for awhile.

  


* * *

  


He spent several days in the hospital. The first night, Thursday, was just doctors keeping a close eye on him, making sure he didn't have a bunch of seizures again. The day after, Friday, was when he got actual tests done. Saturday through Monday was him being on close watch, as well as getting a bunch of brain scans with the little wires attached to his head.

I visited him every day. I spent almost all day with him Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Though I could only see him after school on Monday and Tuesday. Because we all know if I missed another day of school, my mother would surely kill me.

I must be on the Gods' good side, because the Tuesday he was discharged, school was let out early because of snow. And you know I _trekked it_ from Karasuno to the hospital he had been staying at. I signed in on the visitation list and immediately went for his room.

He was standing up, having been taken off the machines by now, and was standing at the window, looking outside as the snow fell.

I came up behind him, wrapping my arms around him, chin touching the top of his head.

He flinched and I could feel him shake slightly in my grasp, so I let him go, walking beside him, hands finding their way into my jacket pockets. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. Why wouldn't I be?”

“Well I was hugging you but you started shaking...”

“Why you would hug me is a better question,” he murmured, looking up at me. We made eye contact for a moment before he looked back out the window.

“I thought— nevermind...” I looked out the window briefly before looking back at Shouyou.

“This is, like, the fastest discharge for me so far.”

“It is?”

“Yeah. The longest was my first time ever. I was in the hospital for a couple weeks, I think.”

“You were in here almost a week, so would this be the second longest?”

He furrowed his brows, looking at me through the corner of his eye as if I said something totally offensive to him. “It hasn't even been a whole two days,” he grumbled, looking back outside.

What?

“Shouyou,” I said with a light (nervous) chuckle, “It's Tuesday.”

“Okaayy?” he drawled in an annoyed tone.

“You came in this past Thursday.”

His eyebrows drew upwards, clenching his teeth. “Are you sure?”

“Y-yeah...”

He blinked a couple times, looking down and raising his arm to look at the wristband there. He was checking for the admission date. I saw him swallow back before biting his bottom lip, holding his arm there for awhile, just staring at the white plastic wristband. Several moments later, he lowered his arm slowly and looked back at the window. He was still biting at his lip, eyes going back and forth, looking at various things outside. Or maybe it was just an anxiety thing and he was imagining something was in front of him.

He sucked in a breath, looking down, balling his fists. “Shit.” he whispered angrily.

“What's wrong?”

“I... think... I'm forgetting.”

_For...getting?_

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” he kept repeating, drawing his hands to press his palms to his eyes, body shaking slightly. He was still whispering “Shit” repeatedly. I could tell he was crying.

I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him from the side, holding him tightly. I raised a hand to brush through his hair, pressing my lips to the top of his head. “Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. It's okay.”

“It's not fucking okay!”

“Shouyou, listen. It's fine, okay? They say you can remember things through certain triggers. It's not totally lost, okay? You're fine.”

I held him like that, continuing to whisper things to him to reassure and comfort him. After ten minutes, he finally calmed down. And I proceeded to find some things to remind him of the days that passed. I got him to remember majority of things I could recall. Even so, it was enough to bring it back to him.

When the time came to be discharged, I helped him get dressed into his clothes and walked him out to the car, getting in the backseat with him, holding his left hand while his mother drove us to their house. Turns out, him flinching when I hugged him earlier was him having forgotten some of our relationship. He somehow regained his sense of all that when I was talking about the days prior. I'll never understand all of it, but I'm not complaining. He remembers me — _us_ — and that's all I really care for.

  


* * *

  


We walked into the house, and I immediately walked Shouyou into the living room, asking him to sit down while I got him a drink. I disappeared into the kitchen and went around to make some hot chocolate. It had become his favorite thing to drink nowadays. And he didn't eat all that much, so I guess it was primarily what he consumed. Apparently his medications make him lose his appetite. He's lost weight as a result. He can't survive off hot chocolate, though, so I'd have to see what I can do about that. I'd probably make him dinner.

Several minutes later, I came back out into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to him, handing him the mug carefully as to not spill it. I leaned back into the couch, Shouyou already leaning into me against my shoulder, the mug right up against his lips as he took little sips from it. I wrapped an arm around his waist, playing with the fabric of his shirt near his stomach.

“Hey, Shouyou,” I murmured lowly, looking down at him, only to come into sight of the top of his head.

No response. His cup had been lowered, so I guess he was just looking down into it at that point. I patted his stomach a couple times. “Shoouuyoouu...” I drawled.

I saw as his hand twisted around, cup along with it, liquid spilling out everywhere. I felt him shaking against me, the cup finally escaping his grasp and falling down, bouncing off the couch and falling to the floor. I basically had a “Fuck it” moment and abandoned my own cup, my arms going underneath his armpits as I clumsily lifted him off the couch and laid him down on the ground, making sure he was on his left side, assuming my regular position.

God. This has happened so often, I have a “regular position”...

I reached into my jacket pocket, pulling out my phone and checking the time. _12:27_ I let out a sigh, setting my phone down. Basically all I could do was wait this thing out...

A couple minutes passed by and I had gone to reach for my phone to check the time again, but then I felt Shouyou stop moving.

I looked back down at him. It only occurred to me several moments later that he wasn't moving. No, no. He _literally_ wasn't moving — not even his chest. I pressed a couple fingers against his neck, feeling for a pulse.

Nothing.

“ _Shit!_ ”

I started calling for his mother to come down as I went to call for an ambulance. His mother came running down the stairs and to me. I told her that Shouyou had stopped breathing, and she laid him down on his back, already going to try CPR.

Unfortunately, calling for an ambulance had become another “regular” thing. I told them Shouyou stopped breathing and I couldn't feel a pulse; they replied with “Try CPR” and “We're sending an ambulance your way.”

  


* * *

  


By the time they got there, Hinata had started breathing; but somehow managed to trigger another seizure, then have his body shut down again. The paramedics got him back again, and he was just gasping for breath. Right when he woke up, they were asking him a bunch of questions. He looked dazed, confused, and like he would pass out at any moment. It was irritating to see them interrogating him like that when he was obviously disoriented.

I pushed my way through them, knelling down beside him. “Hey, hey, hey. I'm here. I'm here.” I was just about to reach for his hand, but he pulled away and narrowed his eyes at me. I hated that look in his eyes. It was almost like he—

“D-do you know who I am?”

“No...?” He said questioningly, as if wondering if he should remember me. I knew he should. He... didn't and...

 _Shit_.

I couldn't have been blessed with him just knowing my name?

He forgot everything about me. He didn't even have as much as my name. How could his mind completely draw a blank on _everything_?

His mother pushed her way through, knelling down beside Shouyou, taking his hand. “Do you know who I am? Please tell me you know who I am.”

“Y-yeah. You're my mom.” A relief.

“Do you remember your sister?”

He nodded.

“What's her name?”

“Natsu.” he said, sitting up with a light groan.

His mother sighed in relief before asking, “Do you remember Kageyama?”

“Who?”

_No._

“Kageyama Tobio.”

“Am I supposed to know him?”

Why?

Why?

_Why?_

She looked down at their hands, patting the top of Shouyou's. “Do you know what happened to you? Do you remember anything?”

“What do you mean?” Shouyou asked.

“You had a seizure. And your heart stopped.” She started tearing up before pulling him in to hug him. “A whole two minutes. You-you—”

“But I'm okay now, ma...”

“I know, I know.” she pulled away, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I just came so close to losing you.”

Shouyou laughed. “I'm okay. I feel just fine.”

“Miss. We're going to do some tests now, if you don't mind.” His mother looked at them, nodding before stepping away and standing beside me.

Shouyou's attention was put on the EMTs as they asked him questions.

  


* * *

  


“I don't know how he doesn't remember you at all...” She whispered, a hand pressed to her lips.

“I don't know either,” I said with a sigh, looking down. I also didn't understand how everything could just _disappear_.

“Didn't he lose some of his memory earlier?”

I looked over to see that Shouyou was glaring at me.

“Y-yeah.” I said, looking back to his mother.

“And you got it back...”

I furrowed my brows. Getting just a few days was a hassle. Months? Seems impossible. But I'm going to sure as hell try.

“I just can't believe that he could forget _everything_...”

“You should probably head on home, Tobio,” she said with a sigh, patting my shoulder before walking over to Shouyou. Soon enough, the kid was getting off the counter, walking out of the kitchen, then around to the stairs.

I hesitated before quickly walking around to the stairs, reaching up to grab Shouyou's arm just as he got up onto the first step. I looked up at him as he whipped his head around to look at me, eliciting a glare aimed at me. I held my gaze, looking him directly in the eyes. “Do you... really not remember me?” Please just have _something_.

“No. I don't.” He growled, jerking his arm away. I finally looked down, brows furrowing. It was... just... earlier that day that we were cuddling on the couch. And... just a few days earlier I told him I love him—

He said it back to me, so why?

Was I not important enough to be worth remembering?

The boy started upstairs, and, for some reason, all I could manage to say was an apology, still looking downward.

... Have you ever been so hurt that you couldn't cry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fakin' long ass chapter faaaaaaakkk


	23. Reverse Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I didn't want to wake up.  
> I was having a much better time asleep.  
> And that's really sad.  
> It was almost like a reverse nightmare,  
> like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved.  
>   
>   
> ... _I woke up into a nightmare_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote by Ned Vizzini. Probably should've put it up there. Oh well~
> 
>    
> Um. So like. A little trigger warning for suicidal ideation. And... shit...?? It like... hints/mentions it?? And minor-minor-minor self harm stufffffff... it's like. almost not even there. i swur.
> 
> So. Um... yeah, okay. I'm out. Bye.
> 
>  
> 
> “Ughh. Omg. Kageyama is overreacting.”  
> Hey, hey, hey. We're talking about Hina about to die in 3 years, and then he forgets Kags. So he can't even spend that limited time together with him. He basically lost his everything... And.. Like... Yeah...  
> Tf would you do if your bestfriend/partner forgot you? It fakin' sucks m8
> 
> Le songyyyy:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHx_Utu2fiw

It was the longest, most dreary walk home of my entire life. My eyes were trained downward, and I almost got run over once. I kind of wished I'd gotten run over. It'd be better than _this_. I also tripped more than once, or twice, thrice... Countless times. Once I actually did fall down onto my knees, just barely catching myself from face planting into the ground by extending my arms out. Resultant was two bruised knees that were likely to be slightly scraped up, scraped up palms, and dampened jeans that had begun to feel freezing cold as I walked. Still better than Shouyou forgetting me.

When I finally did get home, my mother was the first to greet me. She looked at me once and instinctively started thinking the worst of me. She ordered me to change quickly and take a warm bath.

I opted for a shower because I couldn't trust myself in taking a bath.

My hands and knees burned, along with where the cold had bit against my legs. A hell of a lot more tolerable and welcomed than Shouyou—

“Tobio, are you done yet?” My mother called from just outside the bathroom, probably in the living room...

I guess so.

I got out of the shower, draping the towel around my waist to walk into my bedroom, shutting the door. My actions were slow as I dried my body and hair off, slipping into a pair of boxers, shorts, and a t-shirt. I walked back out of my room and down the hallway, walking into the open space of the living room. My mother scoped me out before patting the chair for me to sit. I plopped down, staring blankly downwards at nothing in particular.

“What happened to you?”

“I fell.”

She sighed, going to pour some rubbing alcohol onto a cotton ball, knelling down in front of me, dabbing the scrapes on my knees.

Funny. That didn't seem to hurt anymore.

“Did you _really_ just ‘fall down?’”

“Mm...” I looked down at my knees. Damn. Dark blue and purple. Did I really fall down _that_ hard? “I fell in the street walking home.”

“Did you slip on some ice?”

“... Yeah.”

She took one of my hands, holding it with my palm facing up. My mother sighed, looking up at me with pity and some other feeling I couldn't identify. She looked back down, dabbing at the various wounds I managed to get from falling. I guess it was worse than I thought, because then my mother started wrapping my hand up, along with a couple fingers. She did the same with my other hand before standing up, going to throw away the cotton balls away. “I thought you were spending the night over there? Did you guys have a fight?”

Why did you have to ask?

I clenched my teeth, balling my hands into fists. I could feel a twinge of pain in my palms, but I ignored it. “Sure.” I said through gritted teeth, standing up and already making haste for my room.

“Tobio?”

I shut the door behind me and locked it. I didn't want to be bothered. I laid down on the bed, stomach against the mattress, one arm hanging over the edge, head turned to the side to look at my lit up room. I forgot to shut off the lights. Oh well, too late now...

I heard my mother jiggle the knob before knocking. “Tobio? What's wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Tobio...”

I furrowed my brows, closing my eyes. “He doesn't remember me.”

She was silent for awhile.

“Do you want to talk?”

“No. I don't want to be bothered...” I paused, “Please.” I said with a heavy sigh.

“Okay... J-just know I'm here for you, alright? Same with your father.”

She waited for a response for a few moments. When she got none, she walked away, and I was left alone in my room.

I wanted nothing more to have Hinata beside me, feel his warmth. Now? I would kill just to be able to _talk_ to him, to hear his voice, to have a conversation; I don't care what it's about. I just wanted to be able to talk to him normally, like he didn't totally view me as a stranger.

I just wanted to sleep and not wake up. Go into hibernation? Maybe. I just didn't want to have to live this fucking nightmare.

I just... kind of didn't really want to try anymore...

  


* * *

  


I had hardly slept that night, since I was constantly tossing and turning — surprising really, because I didn't feel like moving _at all_ — and I believe two or three times I did fall asleep... Only to wake up about an hour later, give or take. So I suppose I managed to get about three hours of sleep.

I hadn't realized what time it was until I saw the light peeking in through my window. I turned my head, blinking my eyes slowly. I looked straight back up at the ceiling. I needed to get his memories back. Something would trigger them, I know it. I just needed to figure out _what_.

I don't like asking for help, but I figured this was important enough to suck it up.

I sat up, reaching for my phone and flipping it open, going to type in a message to Sugawara.

_[Are you up?]_  
_[Or, like, at least a light sleeper? Haha]_  
_[I need help.]_

Kageyama, stooooop. The fuck is spamming him going to do?

I swallowed back, lowering my phone into my lap, back against the wall, looking blankly forward.

I hadn't realized an hour passed until I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. I blinked quickly a couple times, snapping back into reality. I looked down at my phone, holding it up closer so I could see it better.

_SK: [What do you need help with?]_

_[Hinata...]_

_SK: [Okay?? What about him??]_

_[It happened. He doesn't remember me. He doesn't even know my name...]_

_SK: [Hold on...]_

_The fuck you think I've been trying to do?_

I waited a few minutes before Sugawara texted me back.

_SK: [I sent him a message about you. He recognizes your name, but he doesn't know you're on the team... I told him you were and he asked 'Since when?'...]_

_[That's better than last night. I guess. But...]_  
_[He lost some of his memories yesterday, when he was being discharged, but I helped him recollect them. It's like, triggers. Things to trigger his memory and he'll remember things.]_

_Hopefully..._

_SK: [Okay, so why don't you do that then?]_

_[He's not going to talk to me... And, lucky me right? It's another freaking snow day...]_

_SK: [I could try talking to him...?]_

_[Didn't you already try doing that?]_

_SK: [... True. Didn't go well — at all.]_

_[I'd rather not hear about it.]_

_SK: [Right. Sorry. Um... Maybe I could try having the others contact him? And, like, mention you?]_

_[Why don't you just do that...?]_

_SK: [Maybe hearing it from a bunch of people will help?]_

_[Okay... Go for it...]_

I waited a few minutes before Sugawara messaged me back.

_SK: [I've got the whole team messaging him. Copy and paste is a lifesaver...]_  
_SK: [I'll get back to you on what happens ASAP~!]_

He seemed confident about his plan. I wasn't going to get my hopes up like that...

I waited awhile before getting a message from Sugawara.

_SK: [He remembers having a seizure at school, the one where you caught him. Not sure if he remembers you catching him though.]_  
_SK: [He doesn't remember having a seizure last week and going to the hospital... But he remembers the one he had last night. Apparently he doesn't remember you being there last night.]_

Ah, enlighten me with more good news; please.

A couple minutes passed before I got another message.

_SK: [Apparently he doesn't seem to remember Nishinoya, either...]_

At least I'm not the only one he's forgotten...

_SK: [Isn't he friends with Kenma? And Kuroo?]_

_[Yeah...]_

_SK: [Oh. Wait. You don't have their number, do you?]_

_[I have Kenma's. Hinata was going to use my phone to talk to him, I guess...]_

_SK: [So... why the hell are you still talking to me?]_

Because I'd rather not talk to someone who isn't my friend.

But, sure, sure. I'll just go and do it...

I went to message Kenma, giving him the shortest story possible because typing on this phone is annoying.

_[So. Could you, like, try to message him and mention me?]_

_KK: [Sure...]_

I knew it was totally weird for me to message him out of the blue but “desperate times call for desperate measures,” right?

Oh, damn... He probably thinks I'm a stalker because I have his number.

Whatever. He didn't question it. I'll just leave these messages as is and get my happy ass out of there...

_SK: [Okay. I admit, I thought this plan would work out better. ... ]_

No shit, really?

_SK: [ ... But— I have another idea, if you're willing.]_

Sounds like he was about to ask me to cut off a limb or something...

_[Let me hear it.]_

_SK: [You message him.]_

_[Are you serious?]_

_SK: [As cancer.]_  
_SK: [... Oh shit... Shit. Shit. I'm sorry. Just ignore that. Please. Please ignore that. Oh god... I am so sorry.]_  
_SK: [OKAY! So you should message him and maybe bring up some things you guys did?]_  
_SK: [Could work as a trigger, right? Like, kind of walking him through some memories?]_

I was still hung up on the “As cancer” message...

_SK: [Tobio?]_  
_SK: [Hello??]_

_[Yeah... I'll try...]_

I sighed, switching over through messages to start a new one to message Hinata. I was hesitant, but after the first one, it just all came spilling out.

_[Do you recognize my name?]_  
_[I mean, it's okay if you don't. Because I'm going to get you to remember it.]_  
_[I'll get you to remember me.]_

I paused, trying to think of how to start.

A couple minutes later, I continued.

_[I guess I'll start with we're boyfriends.]_  
_[We both confessed that we had crushed on each other for awhile. And then I just asked you— Or I TRIED to. You stopped me and asked me to make it sound 'official' and to do it like a proposal.]_

I smiled, a breathy laugh escaping me as I ran it through in my head before going to type it out.

_[I got down on one knee but before I said anything you turned away from me and dug around through your desk. You pulled out some silver ring and handed it to me. I called you an idiot because of how adorably dorky you were. I took your left hand then asked you. You just nodded and I slipped the ring onto your finger and then we hugged each other tightly for awhile.]_

Wait... he doesn't remember me as being his boyfriend...

Shit.

_[... Is it more appropriate to say we WERE boyfriends? Sorry...]_

My slight smile had melted away then.

_[Do you remember this last Thursday? I came over and we walked around in the forest, we went to the little river down there. We came back to your house and your mom asked if we wanted hot chocolate. I've never seen someone get up and scamper off so fast... It was really cute. We went outside for awhile but came back because I complained about being cold.]_  
_[I kind of wish I just sucked it up. I'd give anything to spend more time with you now. I just really want to see your beautiful smile and that light in your eyes.]_

I didn't realize I brought a hand to cup itself over my mouth, sinking my nails into my skin. It was light at first, but the more I thought about the situation, the more I dug into my skin, and I noticed a couple tears running down and sliding across my hand.

_[... Do you remember any of this?]_

He didn't read it.

After waiting thirty minutes, and having recollected myself into a neutral expression and position, my hand just resting atop my stomach while I held my phone in the antithetical hand, I went to message Sugawara to see if he had gotten anything else.

_[He's not getting back to me...]_

_SK: [It's okay! Because I went ahead and whipped something up for us! Okay?]_

_[Okay...?]_

_SK: [Just don't get upset with me, okaaay??]_

I didn't like where this was going...

_[Okay...]_

_SK: [Alright!]_  
_SK: [So I went ahead and asked if Hinata would be okay to hang out. He said yeah... and I continued to say I was bringing company.]_

No.

Sugawara, you didn't.

_SK: [I told him I was going to bring Daichi with me]_

I let out an exasperated breath.

Thank god.

_SK: [And that you'd be coming along, too.]_

Goddammit.

_SK: [And, also, he doesn't seem to remember Daichi... Which I think is, like, really really absurd because... He knows he's on the team, but he doesn't know the captain...]_

He forgot Daichi?

_[But anyway! Send me your address, okay? Daichi's going to be driving by to pick you up and take us there. Be ready by noon, okay?]_

_[Yeah. Noon. Got it.]_

Great. Now I have to get my shit together in... — a glance at the time on my phone — less than two hours. Lovely.

  


* * *

  


I went for another shower, one where I wasn't wallowing in all my sadness and frustration, and dried myself off. I wrapped the towel around my waist. I took a glance at myself in the mirror as I passed, hand on the door knob, just staring at myself. I looked like shit — even _with_ a shower. You could see slight bags under my eyes, small notches where I dug my nails into my cheeks; farther down, of course, my palms and pads of my fingers were scratched up to hell, my knees were scraped and bruised...

But that's only the wounds that are _visible_.

Didn't include any of the wounds that etched themselves into me mentally— of what's going all sorts of wrong in my head, of the fact that my heart has just about shattered into hundreds of pieces...

I blinked slowly, releasing a sigh and looking to the door as I opened it and walked into my room. I got dressed in boxers, black jeans, and a maroon long-sleeved shirt. I sat down criss-crossed on my bed, picking up my phone and checking the time. I still had a little while left...

I looked over my messages, eyes settling on Hinata's name. Do I dare check to see if he _read_ them?

Yep.

I opened the messages and, sure enough, they were read. A couple minutes prior, in fact.

I guess I'm feeling ballsy, because I continued on to message him a few more times.

_[Shouyou?]_  
_[Are you mad at me?]_

I would probably regret the next one I sent.

_[... Do you hate me?]_

I silently begged for him to say no. I don't think I could take it if he said he hated me...

I waited a while before my phone buzzed, and I was a little hesitant in opening the messages.

_HS: [I don't remember any of that. ... ]_

He didn't answer my questions. But I think I might prefer him not to...

_HS: [... I'm sorry.]_

I guess he _isn't_ mad at me? If he was, he wouldn't apologize, right?

He apologizes a lot—

Okay, I don't know why, but me thinking of him apologizing reminded me of when he apologized when we hugged... After I had asked him out, officially and put the ring on his finger... An object can trigger memories so I was quick to type him another message.

_[Do you still have the ring?]_

The message was read as soon as it was delivered, but he didn't respond for a short while.

_HS: [I... Took it off...]_

_[Try looking at it? Sometimes objects help people remember.]_

_HS: [I kind of lost it, actually...]_

He... lost it.

I sighed, setting my phone down in my lap, bringing both hands to brush my hair back.

Of course he lost it. Just my damn luck...

_[I'll help you look for it when I come over, alright?]_

_HS: ['Kay.]_

Then I heard my mom calling for me, saying my friend was here. I got up from my bed, shoving my phone in my pocket. I walked out of my room, shutting the door behind me and walking out into the living room. I was in the midst of slipping my shoes on when my mother spoke up. 

“Tobio.”

I looked up, just barely putting my other shoe on and settling both feet on the ground, Sugawara just in the doorway.

“Are you really going to leave the house with your cuts exposed like that?”

I looked down at my palms, standing straight and already turning around to reach for my jacket off the coat rack nearby. “Y-yeah. They're nothing really. I'm fine.”

“Just wrap them up quickly. It'll only take a minute.”

“I...” I glanced at Sugawara before looking to my mother. “Okay.” I murmured, walking around to the bathroom for the gauze. It was pointless, really, but if it'll get my mother off my ass about it, then fine.

I wrapped my hands up and walked back out to the living room, grabbing my gloves from the table before I walked outside with Sugawara, shutting the door behind me with an exasperated — _annoyed_ — breath. I slipped my gloves on as I walked to the car... Now suddenly growing curious on how long Daichi has had a car...

  


* * *

  


Not Daichi's, he's just borrowing the family car. Although, I could've walked... Then again, I don't know where Sugawara and Daichi live, so they're probably much farther away, and my house was semi on the way so... It... was convenient. I guess.

Or maybe they didn't think I'd actually go.

I probably wouldn't have; they thought right.

Daichi parked the car in the driveway and was the first to hop out, shutting the drivers side door. I sat in the back, gripping the handle, looking at the house. Sugawara looked behind the seat at me, taking his seatbelt off. “Hey. Don't you dare think about tapping out now. You signed up for this.” He growled at me in a playful manner. Though I think he was partially serious...

I looked over at him through the corner of my eye, not moving my head. “Actually, I didn't,” I said lowly, eyes falling back onto the house.

“Maybe not _verbally_ , but you basically signed a contract when you got in the car.” He said with a smile before stepping out of the car, shutting the passenger side door, and opening the backseat door. “Now,” his voice lowered as he bent over to get a clear view of me, “get your ass in gear and get the fuck out of the car.” He had the look of a sociopath.

I swallowed back, slowly letting myself out, brushing just beside Sugawara. The guy can be scary when he wants to be...

I bit at my bottom lip, hands burying themselves in my jacket pockets as I walked up to the house. Daichi was on the porch, waiting for us. Right when I walked up the couple of steps, he finally knocked on the door. Sugawara walked up just behind me but took position beside Daichi when he got onto the porch.

I heard the door unlock.

I still have a chance to—

“Hi, Mrs. Hinata!” Sugawara said cheerily. Sure enough, the woman was standing in the doorway, smiling. “We're here to kidnap your son for a couple hours,” he said, clapping his hands together.

How the hell can he speak so comfortably like that?

He waved his hand off, “Okay, okay, we're just gonna steal him from you for a little while. If that's okay.”

His mother laughed. “Of course.” She stepped to the side, gesturing for us to come inside. “Just make yourselves at home, okay?”

I guess she could tell he was playing— are they closer than I thought? Has Sugawara been here before? Seems like it. Shouyou's mother recognized him...

“Alright. Thank you!” Sugawara hummed as he walked inside, slipping off his shoes and “wintry” clothes; Daichi and I did the same before we before walking into the living room, Sugawara sitting down on the couch, Daichi sitting down next to him.

I was about to sit down but stopped myself, narrowing my eyes at the couch.

“Kageyama?”

I looked up at Sugawara.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh—” I straightened my stature, pointing off to the side with my thumb. “I'm going to, uh, go to the... kitchen.”

“Are you serious?!” Sugawara hissed in a hushed tone.

“Y-yes?”

“He is literally about to come down the stairs. Sit down.”

I just shook my head quickly before turning and walking into the kitchen.

See, part of the reason is because all I could picture is Shouyou having his seizure and dying. _Twice_. And, to add some icing on top of the cake: he forgot about my very existence. So _forgive me_ for not wanting to sit on the fucking couch!

The other part also had a little idea. It was really fucking stupid. But I was desperate to try literally _everything_ to get Shouyou's memories back. I... wanted to make him some hot chocolate.

Yeah. Really stupid idea, huh?

I had gone off to make it, all while overhearing Sugawara, Daichi, and Shouyou in the living room.

“How have you been?” Sugawara asked.

“Fine,” he said in a low tone, sounding abnormally distant... Kind of like he spoke to me, just not as harsh.

“Um...” Sugawara paused, “So, should we be—”

“Hinata, do you really not know who I am?” Daichi questioned, cutting off Sugawara, though I'm sure it's because Sugawara was probably going to be asking about what they should be doing to get his memories back.

“No. I— I don't recognize you at all. Sorry.”

“He's the captain of the team!” Sugawara was the one who sounded offended at that point. “I mean, you know you're on the team, right? Like, who do you see in the captain's position?”

“On what team?”

“Fuck—!” I managed to spill some of the boiling water on myself.

“Who's that?” Hinata questioned, sounding a mix of worried and scared.

“It's Kageyama...” Daichi murmured with a sigh.

Few moments later, Daichi was in the kitchen with me.

“What are you doing?”

I looked down at the cup, along with the water I managed to spill onto the counter. I let out a heavy breath. “He managed to forget about being on the volleyball team.” I looked over my shoulder at him before stretching my arms out to the sides. “You know,” I dropped my arms back to my sides, “Though it was bad enough he forgot about some of his team members— but he doesn't even remember _being_ on the team!” I lowered my voice to a near whisper, “What the hell does he think he's done this entire time?”

“Kageyama...”

“What?” I growled, voice harsh though still low. I was glaring at him, somehow managing to be angry with him even though he didn't do anything.

He walked up to me, raising his hands to hold onto my shoulders, looking right at me. “We're going to get his memories back, okay?”

I kind of didn't believe that anymore.

“... Okay.” I whispered, shaking my head slightly and biting at my lip. Daichi let go of me and I turned to get a couple paper towels to wipe up the water. I tossed the soaked paper towels into the trash before returning to the kettle on the stove.

“Seriously, what are you doing?” Daichi asked with a chuckle.

“... Making hot chocolate.” I mumbled, almost totally incoherently.

“Why?”

“Because Shouyou has a thing for hot chocolate with a peppermint stick in it...”

“Oh.”

“Are you jealous because I'm not bothering to make you any?” I asked, turning my head to look at him briefly with a raised eyebrow and half smirk.

“No. I can make myself a cup if I wanted to. Or if Suga asked me to.”

I didn't respond, just continued to make the cup before I reached up into a cabinet to pull out the package of peppermint sticks. I grabbed one and dropped it into the hot liquid before returning the package to the cabinet. “I don't understand the point of the peppermint. It's not like you can really taste it...” I murmured, lifting the cup, staring at the dark liquid. “Oh, well.” I looked up, brushing passed Daichi, “As long as Shouyou enjoys it.” I said with a light shrug.

I stopped in the archway of the kitchen, looking at Shouyou and Sugawara on the couch. They looked to be having a good time, since Shouyou was all smiles.

Color me jealous for his smile not being directed towards me or brought on by me.

I walked over to them slowly, holding the cup out for Shouyou to grab. He looked at the cup — or was he looking at my bandaged hands? — then up at me. “What is it?” He asked as if I was trying to poison him.

“It's hot chocolate, with-with the, uh, peppermint thing you seem to enjoy.”

He looked down at the cup, slowly taking it from me and just holding it in both hands. “Peppermint...?” He echoed in a strange tone.

“Y-yeah...”

Shit, did I get that wrong? Or did he change his mind about—

He suddenly looked up at me. “It's nice you know about my ‘ _peppermint thing_.’” he said with a slight smile before looking down at the liquid. He raised it up to his lips,

“It just came off the stove, y'know.” I paused, watching as he took a gulp. “I-Isn't it hot?”

“Yes.” He lowered the cup, to his lap, then, him and I simultaneously. “It isn't hot...”

He suddenly looked up at me, eyes a little wide. We stared at each other for awhile before he looked back down, taking hold of the peppermint stick and swirling it around in circles inside the cup. “You've made this for me before, haven't you?” He sighed, lifting his head, though he just stared blankly forward. “I think...” He paused for a long while.

Yes! He's got something!

He tilted his head, furrowing his brows upward and narrowing his eyes. “Nevermind.” He shrugged, straightening his stature as he went to take another gulp from the cup.

W-what...?

“I lost it.”

I think Sugawara could see my frustration in that moment, because he spoke up quickly. “So, Kageyama, weren't you talking about some things to help strike up his memory...” He trailed off, expecting me to catch on and say something in relation. “... Like, a ring?”

I looked to Shouyou, patting his shoulder. “C'mon. I said I'll help you look for it, remember?”

“Right...” He whispered nonenthusiastically before sliding off the couch and standing. I started walking around to the stairs before walking up, Shouyou just behind me.

I walked into his room, my eyes wandering on every possible damn thing in there. I got distracted for a bit before Shouyou flipped the light on. I preferred the Christmas lights, by far, but we were also trying to find the ring.

I looked over at the boy who was standing close to the wall, now sipping on the hot chocolate, eyes on everything _but_ me.

“So, like, what happened to your cheeks? And hands...?” he asked, only glancing in my direction to look down at my bandaged hands.

“Uh.” I blinked, averting my gaze. “I... fell...”

“Did you now?”

“So, uh, do you know where you had it last?”

“Umm... I tossed it towards the desk.”

I nodded before turning to the desk. I can see _how_ he lost it. Damn thing was a mess...

I started taking things off and setting them on his bed one-by-one. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for the ring,” I grumbled.

“No, I mean with all my stuff...”

“I figured I could take everything off to make looking for the ring easier, and also organize your desk afterwards.”

“I can do it myself...” He mumbled.

“Really?” I looked over my shoulder with a smirk, “That's what you said three weeks ago when the mess first started building up, and—”

 _Yesterday_.

I looked away, going back to taking things off of the desk. “So are you going to just stand there the whole time?”

No response.

I looked over my shoulder to see that Shouyou was sitting on the edge of his bed, cup set down on the nightstand, some object in his hand. He turned his head to look at me.

“Do you have a god complex?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I had to make a “serious as cancer” joke AT SOME POINT, okay? Okay. ('okay will be our always')
> 
>  
> 
> When you normally blast your music at full volume in your room, but it's 3am and you're pushing it just at 3 notches...
> 
>  
> 
> I am also currently digging myself so deep into this memory thing, like god damn XD I need'a chill and just focus on gaining his memories back rather than adding onto his problems n shit.
> 
> I have so many references to earlier chapters like. I cry.


	24. Remembering...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama attempts to trigger Hinata's memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a freaking dork like, every time I get a comment and I read it, I get all excited and shit like I'm fanboying over something. You all make me so freaking happy like, I just... ughghhghh. Thank you so much— seriously.
> 
> (I'm an awkward bean)
> 
> You all have no idea how many times I refer to earlier chapters for this XD it's kind of a hassle to find the exact chapter something's located in. Like, I once totally went passed the right chapter, went through like 3 others, then went back to the right chapter. Very fun.
> 
> Since the subject's about rings n shet, this felt appropriate:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDbPJ2y6n1c
> 
> (oh ma god and it's talking about wings. Idk I just thought about all the anime refs. Shut up. I'm an awkward bean. Love me.)

_‘Do you have a god complex?’_

I furrowed my brows, narrowing my eyes; the kid could easily think I was glaring at him, but I was just shocked he asked that. He asked me the same thing months ago.

He lifted up the thing he was holding, showing it to me. A zippo lighter with a black crown symbol in the center; rather plain, really. “You gave this to me, right?”

I stood up, walking over to him, looking down at the object like it was the fountain of youth or something. I cupped my hand around his. I had gone to squeeze his hand shut, but he just twisted his wrist to drop the lighter in my hand and pulling his hand away, gripping the edge of the bed. To be expected; I didn't blame him or feel upset. Or, maybe I did, but only a little...

I tossed the lighter off to meet up with the other things I had set down on his bed. I turned away from him, going back to clean up his desk. “Do you remember the conversation?”

“Eh.”

Guess not.

“I...” I heard him shuffling behind me, but I hadn't looked over to see what he was doing. Sure enough, I heard the lighter flip open and flick on. “Told you that I wanted one...”

“Anything else?”

I heard the sound of the lighter clasping shut. “I had also been complaining about my own lighter, and how ‘boring’ it is...” He trailed off.

I turned around, setting a few more things on the bed, looking over at him.

He tilted his head towards me, “You're a goddamn sap.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You said I was, like, your king or something...” He replied with a shrug, waving a hand off as if to brush the topic away, looking away again.

“When I gave that to you,” I said, picking up a few more things, eyes scanning the top of the desk; not there. “You asked me just about the same thing when I gave it to you, ‘Do you _still_ have that god complex?’” I set the things down on the bed. Really, everything looked like a bunch of junk, but I wasn't going to comment on that. I turned around, knelling down before crawling just a little ways under the desk, hand feeling around at the floor. Sure enough, I grabbed hold of it. “I told you, ‘I destroyed that unreasonably high ego when I let myself fall for you.’ I took your hand with mine, entwining our fingers with one another. ‘... I'd rather bathe in the light from the sun than to sit in the dark on a throne.’” I was still knelling down at the desk, my back was still facing him. “I thought to myself, that ‘y'know, maybe I'll let you destroy me, too. I won't mind it if you do.’” I looked down, a bittersweet kind of chuckle escaping me. “You know, I think I kind of mind it now.” 

“You're _unreasonably_ sappy for just a simple lighter,” He said with a fake cough.

I guess he is right. I was unreasonably sappy with just a lighter... But I didn't tell him that I had wanted to tell him I love him that night.

I didn't tell him that then, and I wouldn't tell him that now.

“I ended up calling you my king several times after that, because I felt as though you deserved that kind of title for how beautifully amazing you are and...” I let out a breathy laugh, “You got a little upset when I would though.”

“Why?”

I looked over my shoulder, a genuine smile on my face. “Because you told me that it made you sound superior to me when, in fact, we are equals.” I let out a content sigh, “You say and do a lot of things that just make me see you as more beautiful.”

I looked away when I saw him shuffle a little uncomfortably.

I looked down at the ring, messing with it with my fingers. “Shouyou, come here.”

“Why?” He asked, a hint of annoyance in his tone.

“Come here,” I repeated.

I heard a groan from Shouyou, and when I was sure he was right behind me, I turned around, knelling down on one knee. I took Shouyou's left hand, holding it. “Hinata Shouyou, will you please be my boyfriend?”

I got a weird expression from him.

I bit at my lip, looking down to his hand. I slipped the ring onto his finger and stood, still holding onto his hand.

Another weird expression, though this time, he looked a little disgusted by my behavior.

“Nothing?” I said, tone sounding like I was pleading, begging. I basically was.

“I'm sorry, Kageyama,” he shrugged, “I just don't remember any of that.” He looked down to his hand, pulling his out of my loose hold before taking the ring off.

I think I broke a little more.

He raised the ring up to eye level, examining it for a little while before setting it down on the desk.

I had such high hopes for that damn ring.

“That's... The story you told me when we were texting, right?”

I didn't say anything.

The boy let out an exasperated breath, holding his hands behind his back as he looked from the desk to the stuff on his bed, to the desk, to his bed, then at me. “You want me to organize your desk, don't you?”

“No,” he grumbled, “I can do it myself.”

“I bet those things won't even leave your bed for weeks, and then they'll end up scattered all over the floor.”

He rolled his eyes, folding his arms. The boy knew I was right, he just didn't want to admit it. Stubborn as always.

“I have a proposition,” he said finally, looking up at me with a certain look of curiosity and determination in them. “I'll let you organize my desk— _if_ ” he paused for awhile; probably to add suspense. He smirked, “you tell me what _really_ happened to your cheeks.”

I shrugged, already brushing passed him to the bed, picking up a stack of books. “Alright.”

“Wait, what?” I looked at him, seeing an absolutely dumbfounded look on his face.

I raised a brow, “What?”

“I... thought that would be more difficult. Honestly didn't think it would work.”

“Well I trust you,” I hummed, going over to his desk to line up the books at the back of his desk. I continued going back and forth from the desk to his bed, getting all the books into a straight line against the wall. “You already kind of know what happened, don't you? I mean, you knew I was lying about it. Well, my cheeks anyway.” I sat down in his office chair as I started grabbing his little knickknacks and other things like pencils and pens. “I _did_ fall,” I said, holding up my bandaged hands before going back to arrange his things neatly, now focusing on putting the pencils and pens and such in a cylinder container, the points facing down.

“Messed up my knees, too,” I shook my head, glancing at him, “But that's not really important.” I slid the cylinder container off to the side. Now I was just going through the papers he had scattered and stacking them neatly, printed/written on side facing upwards, all aligned so you could easily read it top to bottom. “I dug my nails into my cheeks.”

“ _Duh_!” He let out an “ugh” before adding in “I meant more so like, _why_.”

I was silent for awhile, kind of hesitating

“It was when I was texting you earlier. Um, when I was going over that little story over text...”

“Oh...”

“It just hurts a lot, you know? How we could have been through so much, but overnight just have it all be forgotten.” I sighed, hanging my head low, staring at my hands. I blinked slowly, rolling my hands over to pat my thighs. I looked over at Shouyou, “Right. So. Continuing on to the drawers?”

“You don't have to. I toss things in them all the time. They'll be messed up in, like, a day.”

I just shook my head as I opened the top drawer first.

God. Damn. I thought his desk was bad.

I looked over at him, chuckling. “You, ah, really don't go through these, do you?”

“Nope.” He said with a grin, rocking back and forth, still on the edge of the bed.

“I think this is how hoarders are made, you know...” I said jokingly, teasing him, looking back into the drawer. I let out a heavy breath, looking at the myriad of various _junk_ items he just tossed in here without a care. Then I squinted my eyes, looking harder at something—

“Is that...?” I murmured almost incoherently.

Yep. It is.

I pulled myself back, shaking my head repeatedly, shutting the drawer. “Yeah. Not today.” I said, swiveling around in the chair.

“ _That_ overwhelmed with my clutter?” Shouyou asked with a laugh.

Yes. Definitely that and, um, totally not the other, very questionable thing in there.

“Y-yeah.” I said quickly, issuing him a very awkward smile. I averted my gaze off of him, looking around the room.

“What are you doing?”

“You mind turning on the Christmas lights?”

He let out a huff — probably annoyed at having to get up; lazy butt... — before sliding off the bed and going around to flip the switch off, plugging in the lights. “I really like the lights,” I said with a half smile as I stood. A lot of conversations were had in here; a lot of laughs were shared... But Shouyou wouldn't be able to appreciate it as much as I do. Not now, not yet. I walked over to his bed and sat on top of it, leaning back, propping myself up with my hands planted a little bit behind me in the mattress.

“‘Even though the room is so dimly lit by these lights, it feels as though the world is brighter than anything, now that you're in my life; my glorious sun.’”

“Where's that from?”

“You've heard it before,” I turned my head to look at him, “you just can't remember it.” He looked like I had just struck him with full force; a little shocked, a little hurt, a little something else.

I sighed, looking upward as I plopped myself down on his bed, legs dangling over the edge, arms sprawled out to the side. “You should smile a lot more.” I lifted my chin, looking at him upside-down. “You have a very beautiful smile.” I said before taking my gaze off him, looking up at the ceiling. I exhaled deeply, closing my eyes.

“Care for another story?” I breathed, although I hadn't opened my eyes.

“S-sure...”

“After we had made it official, I stood up and we went into an embrace for awhile... Then, you suddenly said ‘I'm sorry, Tobio.’ And you just kept repeating that: ‘I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...’ I asked you what was wrong, why you're crying. You just started hyperventilating at that point, having a breakdown right there. It was a bit of a hassle, but I managed to sit you down on your bed. I cupped your face and asked you to tell me what's wrong.” A breathy laugh escaped me, “You lied to me, saying ‘Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.’ I called total bullshit, saying people who are ‘fine’ don't hyperventilate and cough while they're crying. You just apologized again. Then, your mother walked in. She looked so angry, and I think she thought I had made you cry... You cut in and said you were trying to—”

“To tell you about the tumor.” Shouyou murmured quietly.

“... And your mother had offered to tell me for you.”

“And then you started freaking out. You said... ‘no’ a lot... ‘I don't like where this is going...’”

My eyes snapped open and I looked up, eyes landing on the upside-down Shouyou. He was sitting criss-crossed, hands in his lap, eyes shut.

“What happened after that?”

“You said you didn't want to know, but... I feel like-like I knew that you knew?” He laughed, “I hate saying ‘knew’ like that. Sounds weird, unnatural...” His eyes remained shut.

“Keep going.” I said, rolling onto my side, staring at him intently.

“Um... You looked like you were going to cry.” His smile melted into a smirk, “You look so vulnerable like that.” he chuckled, “Sorry, sorry.” He hummed for a short while, returning to a neutral expression, “You sat me on top of you — _perv_ —” He scrunched up his face for a second as he said that.

“Reminder: we're dating at this point. B-but, forget that, just keep going.”

He sighed. “You told me to try and forget about it— youre very demanding, aren't you? — and... and I just apologized again...”

He stopped talking for awhile, furrowing his brows like he was conflicted.

“I told you to stop apologizing for something that isn't your fault, and...” I paused, “‘Smile,’” I whispered, sitting up fully.

“I-I think I'm losing it.” he said, voice raspy, laced with a bit of panic.

“And I brought myself to smile even though I wanted to cry my damn eyes out.” I said quickly, “‘This isn't anything,’ I told you, cupping your cheek, thumb rolling in circles... ‘The worst is still yet to come.’”

I saw a couple tears slid down his face, coming down to his jaw. “It's all fading—” he sucked in a quick breath, eyes snapping open, widened, though I could still see the tears building and running down his cheeks. He looked down, brows furrowing intensely before he pressed his palms to his eyes. “I lost it— I fucking lost it!”

“Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. It's okay.” I whispered, moving to sit down next to him, an arm going around his shoulders, pulling him closer to me. He didn't pull away, so I guess he was comfortable with that.

  


* * *

  


I sat with him like that, comforting him for awhile as he recollected himself. After that, I pulled myself away. We sat in silence for awhile and I wondered what Daichi and Sugawara were doing. It had to have been, like, two hours by now...

We were laying down thereafter. I was flat on my back, one hand on my stomach. He was on his side, back facing me.

“It still applies,” I said suddenly.

“What?”

“‘This isn't anything. The worst is still yet to come.’”

I heard him mumble something under his breath.

“I hate seeing you cry, y'know.”

“It's natural for people to not like seeing others cry.” He grumbled, a bit of hostility leaking of out him.

“Later that same day, you know, we laid down together, too. Although, we were facing each other...”

Shouyou let out a groan as if I was asking him to face me — I wasn't; but he still rolled over onto his other side, eyes shut, one arm under his head.

“It's sad how we could switch from being so happy and content, to you just balling your eyes out like that.” I rolled over onto my side, facing him, one arm under my head as well, the other in between us. “I thought about how I never wanted — _want_ — to see you cry again because you're hurting. I thought that I would make the time you had left as enjoyable as possible” I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly. “I closed my eyes like this, promising to you aloud,” my voice dropped to a whisper, “‘I'm going to make you as happy as humanly possible. I'll be the existence that can make you overwhelmingly happy.’ And you replied back with ‘Just stay. That's all you need to do... Stay. Don't leave me, please...’”

I opened my eyes as I felt Shouyou press our palms together, him looking at our hands. “‘Forever and always,’ right?” He murmured, eyes coming up to meet mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was that Hinata? Say it louder for the people in the back.  
> ... And again for good measure.
> 
>  
> 
> Alrighty, and I'm just gonna casually slide this in here...:  
> “It's been about 120 chapters since Kageyama said, ‘As long as I'm here, you're invincible,’ but Hinata, someone who's not really good in memorizing stuff, remembered every single word and managed to say it back to him.
> 
> Please think about the impact Kageyama's words had on Hinata.” (iwillstillopenthewindow, Tumblr)
> 
> Alright. That is all.


	25. To the Moon and Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of these aren't even notes for the chapter(s)/story, it's just me thinking and typing it out. (I'm a really lonely person hahah... ha...)
> 
> Look, ma, one hand! :D (srsly like my left shoulder and backside is fucked up so i have to stay in one position for it to hurt the least bit. i cry every time.) More like one thumb but eh.  
> Had to be my dominant hand/side, too, gr8
> 
> I could've done better with what Kags said to Hina all through that shet but like. I suck. XD I'm not romance-y
> 
> I low key hate this chapter because I... the quality is at -500 :)))))
> 
> I like writing with my curtain over my window so my room is basically pitch black, with Christmas lights hanging over head around my room, with incense burning, with Sleeping At Last playing, and with coffee or tea. It's the best. But, unfortunately, it doesn't improve my writing skill/quality any XD It's just more so a relaxing environment. Don't even need to write; it's just all chill and shit in here.
> 
> (Still an awkward bean)
> 
> Right, right, right, right:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ThQkrXHdh4

He looked at me like I was the embodiment of a god, and like he was laying his eyes upon said god for the very first time. His eyes had widened and we both just stared at one another for awhile before he finally said something, “How did you remember that?”

Like a sudden rush? A wave? A flood?

I didn't know how to properly explain how everything had come back to me. Too complicated; or maybe I'm just too lazy.

“I don't know... It felt important.”

I didn't tell him that those words were those that made me instill my upmost trust in him. I also didn't tell him that it was those words that had truly initiated my growing love for him.

“D-do you remember anything else?”

I averted my gaze off of him, looking to our hands as I turned my hand a little to the side, entwining my fingers into his and clasping down tightly, holding onto my lifeline. I did remember— everything with him, and even most of everything else.

I hadn't realized his very existence was so essential to my own existence. How he was so influential to get me to remember so much. Those few words really had a great impact on me.

I remembered volleyball — I had played against Kageyama in junior high; I had seen him first when I entered Karasuno's gym; I played _with_ him during that practice match... — and everything else just kind of clicked into place. Daichi, captain of the volleyball team at Karasuno... Nishinoya, whom I had convinced to play volleyball for Karasuno again; he later ended up becoming my bestfriend... And...

And...

I forgot important people.

Does that qualify me as a bad person?

I blinked a couple times, realizing that I was crying. “I'm sorry—”

Kageyama had pulled our hands apart, reaching his arms out to pull me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me, holding me closely, tightly. This is where I feel the warmest, the safest, the happiest— right here, in his arms.

“I'm sorry I forgot,” I choked out, eyes shut tight, “I'm so sorry.”

“It's fine, it's fine. We're just fine.” His voice sounded so soft, so gentle, so comforting. “Please don't apologize for things you can't control like that...”

“I'm sorry.”

He let out a breathy chuckle, before humming, “Shouyou—”

My door opened.

I didn't bother looking. I didn't want to move from this. It felt so nice...

“Kageyama, what did you do?!”

 _Sugawara_...? Yeah... that-that's his voice...

“I-I got his memories back.”

The room was silent, aside from my sobbing, before I felt Kageyama let me go. Still didn't open my eyes, I just started patting at the mattress in front of me, searching for him. Sure enough, I felt him lifting my body up into a sitting position. When I opened my eyes, I was leaning into Kageyama's shoulder, both of us at the head of my bed, Sugawara sitting on my bed in front of me, and Daichi standing just beside me.

“What do you remember?”

“Uh... every... thing...?”

Did I _really_?

“You remember Daichi, right?” Sugawara asked, leaning in closer to me. I instinctively pulled myself back. I blinked, glancing over at Kageyama; I blinked again, eyes settling themselves on Daichi.

“Yeah. My friend. Your boyfriend. Captain of the team.”

“ _The_ team?” Sugawara echoed, “What team?”

“O-our team...”

“Sugawara, I think you're scaring him a bit there.” Sugawara looked over at Kageyama, pulling himself back, murmuring an apology.

“Do you remember the whole team?” Daichi asked.

“Yeah. Daichi, Sugawara, Asahi, Nishinoya—”

“He actually remembered Nishinoya, too.” Sugawara and Daichi both sighed in relief. Then, they both shot looks at Kageyama, a little menacingly. “What did you do?”

I looked over at Kageyama who seemed to have lost his ability to speak. “Uh- I just, um, kept going over... things... and-and...”

“He brought up a special little phrase of ours. That's what did it.”

“What is it?” I think they were asking just in case there was a ‘next time.’

“‘Forever and always.’”

Kageyama looked down at our hands that somehow found eachother, his on top of mine. “Why was it that though?”

“Noo,” I said in a pouty tone. “I didn't wanna tell yooouuu...!”

“Why?” He looked back at me, looking and sounding mildly offended.

“It was when...” I paused, “when I knew that I could trust you, and invest all of my trust into you. And-uh...” My voice got exponentially lower and I was practically mumbling the words that followed, “when I truly started loving you.”

I saw him blush, and then look over at Sugawara and Daichi who were basically swooning. “S-so,” he murmured quickly, “Um, what did you two need anyway?”

“Huh?” Daichi paused, registering the question. “Oh, right. We had come up with a couple ideas to try and get Hinata's memory back, but that's obviously not necessary anymore...”

Sugawara had opened his mouth to speak but then looked down as he pulled his phone out from his pocket. He mumbled something under his breath before looking up at Kageyama. “It's really amazing, though, you getting his memory back so quickly... I... honestly thought it would take a whole lot longer.”

“I thought that, too. And that it'd take months to get back. And, even then, there'd be some things missing.”

 _There might be some things missing_ now.

I had an idea to tell them — well, Kageyama primarily, really — about how he's such an influential person to my very being.

I opted against it.

In fact, I opt against a lot of things.

A habit I need to break... one of these days.

 _Someday_. Eventually. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a week, but someday— in the _very distant_ future.

“My mother says she wants me back.” Sugawara finally said with a sigh. “I really wished we had time to spend with you, Hinata, but I'm kind of glad we hadn't—” he looked over at me, smiling, “because Kageyama alone was enough to trigger your memories back.” He turned to slid off the bed and stand up, a hand on Daichi's shoulder as he looked at me. “I'm sure everyone will be more than just a little happy to hear about this.”

“What time is it?” Kageyama asked suddenly.

“Ah, about four.” Sugawara replied.

That all took _three_ hours? It seems like a hell of a lot less time.

“Are you going to stay here, Kageyama, or shall we drive you home?”

“He really means ‘shall _I_ drive you home.’”

“No. I'm quite alright here. I'll text my mother I'm staying.”

“Alright.” he turned to Daichi, patting his shoulder. “Let's go.” They both walked to my door, Sugawara walking out but Daichi turning around to look at me, pointing at me. “Tell your mother we'll be back. We have a conversation to finish.”

I just nodded.

“I'm pretty sure it's more like a disagreement.” Kageyama said, compelling me to look at him. I guess he knew I looked over, because he ended up exchanging me the same look. “Some topic was brought up, and everyone had opposing sides. Almost like an argument, but no one is _actually_ mad.”

“Oh. But why do you think that anyway?”

“You didn't hear them when we were walking up the stairs?” I gave him a confused look. “Well, your mom had gone into the living room and starting talking with them. Didn't listen in much on what _about_ , but I can imagine— it seems like Sugawara to bring up something and Daichi have an opposing view; or vise-versa. And I'm sure your mother would continue on with one side or another...” he laughed. “Plus, what the hell do you think they'd be doing for three whole hours?”

Good point.

“I hate to drag this down,” I started, looking away, “But, like, how long did I forget all these things?”

“Only a couple days, actually. Which is why it's so surprising you got it all back so quickly.”

“Oh.”

Why did things feel so awkward now? Or is it just me thinking that?

“I treated you poorly in that time.”

“It's fine.”

“No it's not,” I retorted.

“The first day, I was a total stranger. The second, you only knew me as ‘The King of the Court’ — the arrogant asshole I used to be.”

“Do you know if school's cancelled Monday?”

Kageyama laughed. “Your mind is really everywhere right now, isn't it?”

“I'm trying to stray from another question.”

Good job, Shouyou. Good job.

“What question...?” He sounded suspicious of me now. He didn't trust it. I also didn't trust it. I didn't trust my own question I wanted to ask.

“Does this mean— like-I mean... has anything changed between us because of this?”

He was silent for awhile before he sighed and draped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. “You really are dull in the head sometimes, aren't you?”

“Is that your nice way of calling me stupid?”

“Mmm...” he hummed.

That meant ‘yes.’

I leaned in a little closer to him, relishing in that warmth his body gave off. It was the most comfort I think I've ever felt; the most comfort I think I'll ever feel. I just really wish I had met him sooner, on some better terms, and that we may have been able to have been friends for a little longer. And, if that were the case, I would have hoped we had gotten together like this sooner; we could have been partners, boyfriends, for a little longer.

  


* * *

  


After some time, Kageyama ended up texting his mom, saying he would be spending the night, as well as giving her a little run-down on how I had collected my memories again.

I found myself laying down with him, him on his back with an arm draped around me, and I on my side, one arm draped over his stomach, the other against his side, my head nestled snugly on top of his shoulder.

I thought to myself, silently, not daring to let him hear me, _‘Yeah. This is all I want; this is all I need.’_

I could expire at any given moment. The doctors weren't sure about the three years— they expected less.

How long do I have?

Suddenly, Kageyama spoke up, his voice hoarse like he had just woken up or was about to fall asleep. I couldn't distinguish which. “Kuroo...” he began, “told me something some weeks ago.”

“Oh?” I murmured lowly, indicating I was awake listening.

“They know about the situation with you — well, I know Kuroo and Kenma for sure; not that unlikely the rest of the team knows. Not the point — and how you have a short time left,”

Are you a damn psychic?

“He knows that I love you, even before I told you just last week...”

Where is this going, exactly?

“He told me one day, after a practice match, a fun little science-y fact:”

You're enjoying prolonging this, aren't you?

His voice had noticeably picked up at that point. “‘Every day, the heart beats enough times to create enough energy to power a truck for twenty miles.’”

Thank you, Kuroo, for always stating pointless facts and information about freaking Science.

“‘And, in an entire lifetime of the average person, that is the equivalent to driving to the moon and back.’”

Really, Kuroo. Thank you. No sarcasm intended.

“‘So, when you tell someone, ‘I love you to the moon and back,’ you're essentially saying that you will love them with all the blood your heart pumps you whole life. Which I think is equally as meaningful.’”

 _No sarcasm intended_ — holy shit.

“I love you to the moon and back.” I heard his voice go weak and crack at the end there, so I felt compelled to look up at him. He was looking at me, smiling, though his eyes were watery. “You saw my love for you begin. But, sadly, you won't see it end.”

He moved his body a bit and I gently settled down on the pillows just under where he was laying. He hovered over me, extending an arm to cup the side of my face in his hand, thumb gracing over my cheek. I knew he was smiling genuinely, but he was also plagued with overwhelming sadness, so it looked beyond pained... I even saw a couple tears roll down his cheeks.

I felt guilty because I was continually hurting him more and more every single day with my very existence— because I was dying, and he was painfully aware of this fact.

“I love you,” he repeated, making direct eye contact with me, “to the moon and back.” Then, he leaned in to press his lips to mine.

 _I am so sorry_...

When he pulled back, several moments later, and we both opened our eyes, I looked up at him, smile and all. “I love you, too,” Can I even say ‘to the moon and back’? No. I don't have that much time to create that much energy with this little heart of mine. “As far to the moon and back I can get.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaat. Nooo. I didn't rush through this chapter. *cough* N-no. Never. Pfft...
> 
>    
> Anyone know the little quote about ‘to the moon and back’? Well, if you didn't, you do now. Have fun with this information.
> 
> Also, there are only a few more chapters left.
> 
> I have smut coming in through the mail here soon, okay? Okay.


	26. A Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, like, this whole thing is rather unrealistic, but I'm kind of, like, trying to rush through it and... Anyway...
> 
> I also have these final chapters planned out so I'm not totally winging it (like I've been doing basically this whole time). Well, not completely, just like the main points that will happen anyhow.
> 
> Here we have it, the chapter event everyone has been waiting 25 goddamn chapters for: the smut (which I still can't write. Fml...)
> 
> This is also, like, one of those few genuinely happy/positive chapters. Oh... That's... sad... 
> 
>  
> 
> Here's a short AMV (Proceed with caution and use headphones or play at low, low volume XDD):

Everyone was quick to be told my memories had returned; they were also quick to spam me with text messages — especially Nishinoya — about how happy they were that I was “my old self...” Again, Nishinoya seemed to be the most excitable about it. I wonder how he can possess so much energy like that in his body. Well, yeah, I'm a _little_ taller than him but, it's still the same idea.

About a year and some change since I regained those memories had passed, and I found myself laying on my back in my bed, arms extended to the sides of my bed, legs sprawled out. I was staring up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what I should be getting Tobio for his birthday. I narrowed my eyes, finding that I couldn't think of anything to get him. So, I traded that idea to think about what I could _do_ for him.

No luck.

I let out an annoyed groan, rolling my eyes as I sat up, reaching to the side towards my shelf, grabbing the bowl and lighter there. I sat up, raising the tip to my mouth as I flicked the lighter on, holding it near the rim as I inhaled. I lowered the lighter, continuing to inhale for awhile before taking my thumb of the carb, clearing it. I lowered the bowl down onto my lap, now glaring daggers at my desk just ahead. I couldn't think of anything before I started smoking, so I had thought smoking would help give me ideas. It didn't.

I was a little more than just annoyed.

I heard my phone vibrate, compelling me to reach over to my shelf for it. I hunched over a bit, looking at the message that had come in. Apparently, the team was trying to throw Tobio a surprise birthday party— this probably wouldn't have ever come up to be an idea for a plan, if he hadn't told me he's never had an actual birthday party before, and I had ended up telling the team. Only casually; I didn't even know they'd go this far...

In continuation, they were asking if I could take him out of the house on that Tuesday. Well, thanks for giving me a task I don't know how to follow-through with. Where the hell did they expect me to take him? 

Rather than asking that, I just asked for the time I needed to have him away from his house. Noon until three. Geez, guys, you have an entire team but you can't do some double-time?

I didn't complain, though, just said I'd work on doing that.

Well, at least I didn't have to plan out an entire day for him— just three hours. I guess it got rid of one of my issues. No, it didn't actually. I still didn't know where I'd be taking him...

  


* * *

  


Sure enough, two days later, the twenty-second had come. I made sure to message Tobio early that morning — maybe around nine or so — to get ready and be ready by 11:30-12:00. I, myself, also spent a good amount of time getting ready. Breakfast; shower; get dressed; brush teeth.

I was ready at eleven, telling my parents that I'd be out until late that night, just before I stepped out the front door and shut it behind me. By now, my mom felt safe enough for me to walk to his house. I just needed to message her when I got there, and if I had — or didn't have — a problem. And, by that, she means a seizure or burst of vomiting or one thing or another.

Anyway—! I had finally come up on his house, knocking on the front door. I waited a few moments before he opened the door. The poor kid didn't even have a shirt on yet, just jeans, and he had a towel in his hand. “It's fucking freezing. Get in here.” He reached out, going ahead and pulling me inside, shutting the door. 

“How are you not ready yet?!”

I asked, tailing just behind him as he took the towel to his still-wet hair, drying it to the best of his ability. He stood up straight, stepping into the bathroom, tossing the towel into the hamper before crossing the hallway into his room. “I literally just woke up, like, twenty minutes ago.”

“Oh my god, Tobio...” I groaned, plopping down on his bed.

“Shut up...” He mumbled, opening one of his drawers, pulling out a long-sleeved sweater shirt, slipping his arms through and pulling it on over his head. He grabbed a pair of socks, sitting down beside me as he slipped them onto his feet. “You should be thankful I woke up at all.”

“Why?”

“Parents aren't even home, and they won't be back for a couple hours, so you would've ended up sitting out there for awhile.”

“Or I'd break a window.”

He tilted his head towards me, giving me an annoyed ‘Really?’ look. I let out a huff, standing up. “Let's just freaking go already.”

“Alright, alright.” He breathed, standing up and following me out to the living room and to the front door. I let him grab his jacket, gloves, and scarf and get them on before I opened the door. I stepped outside and he followed soon after, having slipped into a pair of boots. “So, where are we going?”

“I figured we could go to that pastry shop you got me daifuku from.”

“How long do you plan on staying there?” he paused briefly, “Didn't you say we were coming back to my house at three or something? That's... about three hours...”

I rolled my eyes, walking down the driveway with him at my side. “Obviously we're not going to just sit in there _that_ long. We'll, mm, walk around the town, I guess?”

“You didn't plan this all out, did you?” he asked with a laugh.

“Nope.” I admitted with a smile, lacing our arms together so we could still have our hands in our jacket pockets, adding on for extra warmth through it.

  


* * *

  


We came back to his house a few hours later. We had gone to that pastry shop, yeah — _after_ getting lost trying to find it — and had a good fill of daifuku and milk before we went to walk around the town, admiring some of the decorations people had out for Christmas coming up. I think I'd try and come back down here with him again when it's dark, so we could see the lights. I'm surprised we didn't do this last year.

Oh, wait, I remember: hospitalization...

“Tobio,” I said suddenly

He looked over at me — thank god, because now he couldn't see the couple of cars that were in his driveway (freaking idiots) — “Yeah?”

“You had fun today, right?” Don't mind me, just casually distracting you until we get up to the door...

He smiled, eyes gentle, “Of course. But it's not like I need to go out and do something. I just need to be with you; that's enough.”

I blushed. I probably would've averted my gaze, but I couldn't risk him looking forward and seeing the cars in the corner of his eye. “Haven't you said that a couple times before?”

“Yeah, but it somehow manages to get you each time.”

I puffed out my cheeks. “Shut up.” I murmured before I patted his back excitedly, “Hey, would you be opposed to going back out tonight?”

“Why?”

“To look at all the Christmas lights!” I hummed.

“Oh, yeah. Of course... But, like, around when?”

I shrugged, “Some time after dinner and cake and stuff?”

“Alright.” He agreed just as we came up to the door.

“Your parents are home around now, right?”

He nodded, “Should be,” he went to look over his shoulder but I had quickly gone to nudge him and open the door.

“Yep. Door's unlocked.” I sang a little nervously. Almost totally lost it right before we walked in.

Tobio gave me a weird look before he walked in, slipping a boot off. I walked in behind him, stepping out of my own shoes. He had raised a hand against the wall, holding himself up as he raised a leg to pull the other boot off. In that second, everyone came out and simultaneously yelled, “Surprise!”

The poor kid got scared, lost his hold on the wall, and went falling down onto the floor, hitting his shoulder pretty hard in the process.

That's... definitely a reaction.

There was a low wave of gasps, and a few “Oh shit”'s 

I think people were trying to contain their laughter in fear of him killing all of them.

“God... fucking... damn...” He groaned, lifting his body up, gripping and rubbing his shoulder as he looked up. “What the hell?”

I smiled awkwardly, breathing in quickly as I went to his side, hand on his other shoulder. “Sur... prise...~” I sang, chuckling nervously.

“Fu-hu-huck...” He breathed, laughing, finally picking himself up off the floor. He let out an exasperated breath.

“Um. I know you — uh — haven't really had one. Um. This is a surprise birthday party. So, like, please don't kill anyone.”

He shook his head, “Why would I do that?” Well. I-I don't know anymore...

“So...” Tobio said, looking at the group, slowly giving them a thumbs-up and a smile, “How the hell do we get this started?” he asked with a light laugh.

  


* * *

  


Several hours passed before everyone had left. Tobio's parents didn't show up at all during the party because Sugawara and I had asked them to stay out for awhile for the party because it's “Just the team.” They agreed, surprisingly.

Everyone seemed to have a good time. No one died, _surprisingly_ , given the fact that Nishinoya and Tanaka had practically started a third World War. Still, everyone had a good time. Tobio got a few gifts from some of the team members... and...

Tobio winded up drunk and needed help from Asahi to get into his bed. By that time, though, almost everyone had left. Once Tobio was in his bed and had passed out (still in his day clothes: jeans and shirt), Asahi left with Nishinoya, leaving me alone to babysit the large child.

I managed to fall asleep with him there — seems we both passed out fully clothed; uncomfortable, normally, but I guess we were both just exhausted... — just after 12am, when I heard his parents come home. I woke up several hours later when light was peaking in through the window.

I heard Tobio's phone go off. He was still asleep, so I went ahead to check it, making sure it wasn't anything to warrant him needing to get up. I flipped the device open and opened the message from his mother. Both she and Tobio's dad would be coming home in a couple hours. Apparently, they had driven out of town for some gift for Tobio.

I shut the phone and set it back down, laying down beside him on my side, facing him. After awhile, though, he finally stirred and opened his eyes lazily. “Tobio?”

He let out a groan, shutting his eyes again. “Hm?”

“Are you awake...?” He could probably be half-asleep for all I knew.

“Yeah...” he grumbled. “Wha'happened?”

“I would guess you had a blast,” I laughed, “because you sure seemed to be enjoying yourself when you got drunk.”

“How drunk was I?”

“Drunk enough to need help getting into bed.”

“Damn...” he murmured, letting out an exasperated breath as he rolled onto his side. I had thought he was going back to bed until he spoke up again, “Did I do anything embarrassing?”

 _Not in front of the team_.

“Not particularly.”

“What does that mean?”

“You definitely couldn't talk properly, and it was a bunch of gibberish at one point, and you even had to be carried to bed...” I paused, a little laugh slipping, “I don't think that warrants being ‘embarrassing,’ though.”

I didn't plan on telling him about when he pulled me aside and took me outside and pinned me against the side of the house. We continued to make out for awhile out there, and he had managed to almost take off my shirt completely and have a hand find itself in my pants, groping my bulge, almost grabbing me inside my underwear— but I had stopped him at that point. I mean, he was drunk; I didn't particularly feel comfortable doing things like that with him in that state. Lucky for me, he respected that and stopped— even with him in that state.

“Shouyou, do me a favor?”

“Hm?”

“In the cabinet in the bathroom, there's a bottle of ibuprofen. Get me a couple, please?”

I got off the bed and stood, walking out of his room and across the hall into the bathroom, opening the mirror-cabinet just above the sink. I looked at the various bottles in there for awhile — one of them being _very_ questionable, but I wasn't about to ask him about it — just before grabbing one, twisting off the cap, dropping a couple into the palm of my hand and closing the bottle, returning it to its spot in the cabinet. I closed the door and walked back out into the hallway and to the kitchen. I opened a cupboard, grabbed a small glass cup, and filled it with water from the fridge. I walked back into Tobio's room, sitting on the edge as a way to let him know I returned.

He opened his eyes, squinting them at me before sitting up with a groan. I held out both hands for him; he took the glass of water and the two pills. He popped the pills into his mouth, washing them down with the water, setting the glass down on his little table at the head of his bed. He then laid back down onto his side, closing his eyes once more.

“Aww. Don't fall asleep on me!” I pouted, shaking him. He just smirked before opening his eyes to look up at me.

“You want me to get up?”

I already knew where he was trying to take this; he's done it before.

“Not anymore...”

And I've also said something like that before.

“How badly?”

“I want you to go back to bed,” I grumbled.

“ _Really_?” I was about to get up when he suddenly got up and grabbed me, pulling me back down with him. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, holding me on top of him. “Alright. I'm ready to go to bed now.” He murmured, letting out a heavy breath and closing his eyes.

“Tobioooo.” I pouted.

I already knew where this was headed; he's done it before, and I've totally let him each time.

“Let me gooo...!” I had pried myself up a bit, now wiggling my body around, trying not to smile and seem genuinely upset; I was not.

He opened his eyes and I suddenly stopped, looking him dead in the eyes. They looked loving, but also very dominating. I love that look about him.

He leaned forward, pressing a couple kisses on my lips.

His hold on me loosened, and his hands slid down my back to grasp onto my hips. I lowered my head, my mouth meeting his again, I parted my lips, letting my tongue slip out and grace his lips; he knew exactly what I wanted, and he parted his lips, too, letting my tongue slip into his mouth. I graced my tongue against his, breath coming in heavier.

I pulled myself away from the kiss, only to trickle downwards, lacing his skin with gentle kisses on his jaw and neck and collarbones. I bit down on his left collarbone, sucking on the skin, eliciting a low moan from him. I lifted my body, scooting down so I was on his lap, tugging at the bottom of his shirt and pulling it up a bit to reveal his stomach. Tobio sat up and I immediately went to pulling his shirt off of his body, pressing a palm against his chest, looking down at his exposed skin, kind of admiring his body. The body that was all mine— all mine to touch, to explore, to feel...

I pushed him back down onto the bed, settling my legs on either side of him. I pressed my tongue against his stomach, just above his belly button, and traced it over his chest until I had reached his nipples, to which I chose his left one to settle my mouth on— for now, anyway. I bit down gentle before sucking on one; to that, Tobio let out another moan, although he raised a hand over his mouth instinctively, muffling his sounds. My mouth was still on his nipple as I swirled my tongue around, sucking again one more time and biting down gently again before I lifted myself up.

“You do know, Tobio,” I started, looking at him in his eyes, blinking slowly. I'm sure he could see my own look of dominance now. I lowered myself back down, mouth on his right nipple as I sucked lightly, a kind of whimper being released from him. “That your parents aren't even home right now,” I smirked, “ _Riiiight_?”

“Sin—ah—!” he moaned a little lighter as I sucked on his neck— his sensitive spot, excluding below the waist. _He's so easy..._ “... Since when?” he finished.

I shrugged, lifting myself up so I was sitting on top of his waist. “I'm not sure, but they'll be home in less than two hours.” I tilted my head, half smirking. “Enough time?”

“Well, yeah,” he chuckled, “If only you would stop teasing me like this and just let me—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it—” I pressed a hand against his chest, leaning in, narrowing my eyes, almost as if I was glaring at him. “Who said anything about you taking control?”

“No one did...” He licked his lips slightly before biting down on his bottom lip. “But that's fine, Shouyou. You know, since you seem to be able to suddenly handle it _all by yourself_.”

He was challenging me; testing me. He knew I didn't do any of this all on my own— when it came down to actually having, y'know, _sex_ -sex.

“Is that a challenge?”

“Mm... You te—” he cut off with a quick breath and mild choking sound right as I slid down further, now sitting on my legs directly in between his thighs, palm on his bulge, pressing down ever so slightly.

I tilted my head, brows furrowing upwards, smirk on my lips. “You know... You're very easy, _To-bi-o_.” I said each syllable slowly, in a slightly higher pitched tone.

I never told him how easy I thought he was, but now he was challenging me, thinking I couldn't do things like this on my own.

Unfortunately, this took a little less than a year to reach this point of me trying this.

“Easy?” He echoed.

“Mmhmm...” I had gone about unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. I palmed him through his boxers, sliding my hand up — silently teasing him for moaning at that action alone — before grabbing hold of the hem of his boxers. “Sure you're always topping, but it's rather easy to make you moan. I find it very fun to see what I can do to make you moan the loudest.”

He let out a kind of angry-annoyed grunt. He knew I was right about these things. Now, to prove him wrong about something else...

I hummed contentedly, finally pulling his boxers down so that the upper portion of his dick was exposed. “Afterall, you're already pretty hard anyway... _Ea-sy_.” I chimed, adding that last word to annoy him a little further. I grabbed hold of his pants and boxers at the same time, pulling them down his thighs, his legs, and finally his ankles before tossing them to the side.

I gripped his dick in one hand, thumb rising up the shaft and pressing against the head. “W-what about you?” He sounded out of breath.

“What about me?” I echoed, looking up at him.

“Your clothes.”

I had actually forgotten about that...

“I'm in complete control, remember?”

Improv!

“Mm...” he had a look on his face. I think he was disappointed. Or maybe something else. I don't know.

I sighed, letting him go to pull off my own shirt, tossing it to the side. “You looked upset.” I murmured.

“Seemed unfair you were completely clothed while I'm completely naked is all.” _Oh_...

I ended up unbuttoning and unzipping my own pants, feeling it growing uncomfortably, mildly painfully, tight.

“How long are you going to go?”

I looked up at him, just as I had wrapped a hand around his dick again, a little annoyed. He _really_ likes to talk during these situations. “What do you mean?”

“You're torturing yourself, too.” He smirked, borderline condescendingly, “It's pretty obvious.” He sat up and I absentmindedly loosened my grip. He leaned in close, breath hot against my neck, his hand coming into contact with my bulge, my only protection being my underwear. “Just let me take control, Shouyou...” I felt myself shiver. He just let out a breathy laugh, “Your dick twitched just now.” Damn it. I'm freaking easy! “ _Easy_...” he whispered, starting to palm at my dick, hand going in small circles, before stopping, his thumb finding the head very easily and sliding over it. I leaned forward, forehead pressing into his shoulder. He slid his hand into my underwear, pulling my underwear down with his other hand, gripping my dick.

“S-stop... I need to b—” He suddenly started pumping me and a series of waves of pleasure shot through me quickly, “A-ah!” I drawled out another moan, both hands on his thighs.

“I won't blame you if you let me take over, Shouyou,” he whispered, stopping briefly as his thumb glided over the slit where precum had formed. He had then grabbed hold of my waist and set me down on his lap, my legs on either side of him, grabbing hold both of our dicks with his one hand.

“Y-you're chea—heh-a-ah—!” I choked out just as he started pumping us rapidly, I was leaning back, hands just behind me, grabbing hold of his legs for support.

“I'm cheating?” he asked with a quick, breathy exhale.

“Yeah.” I managed to say, straightening my stature the best I could, a hand going over the one he was using to pump us simultaneously. “F-fuck...” I said, breathlessly, hips bucking slightly.

“Just give me the word, Shouyou.”

Damn it all to hell, you freaking cheater! I could've gotten this by myself and—!

“Please,” I whispered, straightening myself and leaning in close to his ear, one arm wrapping around the back of his neck.

“Please what?” He was knowingly torturing me.

“Please- fuck—” I let out a moan as a sudden rush of heated pleasure ran through me. “m-make love to me...” I breathed finally.

I heard him chuckle as he stopped pumping us, gently picking me up and laying me down. He got up out of the bed, going for his drawers, shuffling through one before pulling out a tube of lube and a packaged condom. In that time, I had already gone and slid off my underwear and pants.

“I know you're impatient,” _Desperate_. “But if you don't want it to hurt...” _I think I could manage it hurting_... Tobio opened the tube, squirting out a decent amount onto his fingers. He laid down on his back, and I eagerly, desperately, climbed up on top of him, legs on either side of him. I lowered my body, leaning forward to press my mouth against his, lips parted, tongues going back and forth. I felt one hand grasp the side of my hip, the other hand using fingers to rub around my entrance.

Again, I shivered, feeling a sense of anticipation— and desperation.

Finally, he pushed one finger through. It felt weird at first, of course, but he had started to pull and push his finger in and out, and it had ended up feeling more enjoyable; a couple times, he curled his finger and rubbed against my wall— I let out a whine after the fourth time of him doing that, pulling away from kissing him and pressing my head into his shoulder. In return, he slipped another finger inside, going through with the same process of pulling and pushing his fingers in and out. He curled his fingers and—

“Damn it, Tobio,” I breathed. “I-I'm fine. Can we...?”

“Patience...” He whispered, slipping another finger in. This time, I let out a moan that melted into a whimper. My entire body ached, craving a release that seemed to be coming painfully slowly.

“P-please...?” I asked, begging now.

“Alright, alright.” he said calmly, sliding his fingers out. He sat us up, sitting me down in front of him as he opened the condom pack and rolled it on, followed by squirting a good amount of lube on top, rubbing it all over. He reached for his shirt — I guess he wouldn't wear it later — and wiped his hands off. He propped himself up on the pillows at the head of his bed, gesturing me to come. I planted my legs on either side of him, arms extended to hold onto his shoulders. He aligned his dick with my entrance before saying, “Just lower yourself down at your own pace, okay?” I just nodded, looking down as I lowered myself. I sucked in a breath, feeling a twinge of pain there, and he had put both of his hands under me, giving me support to keep myself there.

I waited a short while before I nodded and he took his hands away, allowing me to lower my body down onto him. I was finally sitting completely on top of him, breathing heavily. “Shouyou,” I looked up at him, “Are you okay?” I nodded, looking back down, biting at my bottom lip. I lifted myself and slowly lowered myself again; slowly is how I went a few more times after that. I finally picked up my pace to have myself going up and down at a decent pace — not slow, not fast. I looked at Tobio as he released a low groan. In return, I quickened my pace, bouncing up and down. “A-ah...” he moaned, hands on my hips.

Then, I hit my spot suddenly, waves of heat rushing through me upwards, downwards, then upwards again. I dug my nails into his shoulders, a load moan escaping. I stopped briefly, breathing heavily. “A-are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. I just...” I started bouncing up and down again, a little slower than before. “H-hit my spot...” I moved my hips in such a way so that when I went down this next time—

“A-ahh!” I drawled out a moan, pace slowing down, my entire body filling with heated pleasure.

“Do you want me to—?” He was going to ask if he wanted to ‘help’— I would stop riding him and he would take over completely.

“Oh my god, y-yes.” I breathed, “Please do.” I couldn't possibly keep a good pace up if I kept hitting my spot like that.

He lifted me up off of him — to which I ended up whining at the loss of penetration — lowering me back down onto my back. He lifted my waist a bit before he thrust back into me quickly, eliciting a moan from me, and a groan from himself. He started thrusting himself in and out, moaning lowly. Then he pulled almost all the way out, shifted his hips, then thrust back into me, hard—

I let out a brief choking sound that quickly melted into a loud moan.

He slowed down his pace, now just focused on hitting that spot. Even though he was going slow, the rush of pleasure running through me made up for it with each thrust. Then, he wrapped his hand around my dick and started pumping me simultaneously with his thrusting. Even without me saying anything, he could tell I was getting close. My body was in a state of overheating and being filled with inexplicable pleasure.

“Ah-hah-h-ahh!” He had started thrusting into me faster, releasing moans, hitting my spot each time, still pumping me.

A sudden jolt followed by several waves of heated pleasure drawing upwards and downwards, my entire body washing itself over with the pleasure then—

“T-tobio... Ah-ah—” I choked out, feeling warm liquid spill out onto my chest.

Soon after, “Shouyou. Hah-ah...” Tobio drawled out a moan, finally releasing his hold on my dick as he planted both hands into the mattress, holding himself up.

He finally looked at me, “I love you—” he breathed.

“I love you, too.”

“—But I can't take you seriously when you have cum all over your chest.” he bit at his lip, trying to suppress a laugh.

“Shower?”

He nodded, “Shower.” He got off of me, grabbing the same shirt he used earlier and wiping off most of the cum from my chest. “And a load of laundry would be nice.”

I huffed, “I love you, Tobio.”

He looked at me, smiling, “I love you, too, Shouyou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter thus far. Hot damn.
> 
> My little sappy babs. Gotta say “make love” instead of “fuck.” Just gotta.


	27. Can I Fly One More Time...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Take these broken wings and learn to fly.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey, hey. I gave you _one_ decently happy/positive chapter! You can't say I didn't, alright? I mean, this one is kind of happy, but it's also a bit sad. So, like, _technically_ I gave you 1 and 1/2 happy chapters.
> 
> Song (can you tell I really like Sleeping At Last yet?):  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKBfsz3P7Us

Spring had officially come. And I wasn't particularly happy about it. Third-years of last year — Kiyoko, Daichi, Sugawara, and Asahi — had graduated, so the second-years of last year — Nishinoya, Tanaka, Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita — had become third-years... Meaning they, too, would be graduating and heading off to do their own things. Everyone was officially moving on, and I couldn't spend as much time as I would've liked with them. Especially since volleyball had become a growing issue over the past year and a half. I gradually played less and less, until I just stopped entirely. I couldn't even play in official matches. The team had suffered as a result for awhile, since Kageyama wasn't on his A-game and couldn't do our “freak quick” with anyone else, but they've picked themselves back up in recent events.

I wonder if we could've gone to Championships— had I been able to stay on the team.

**_Buzzzzzzzz, Buzzzzzzzz_ **

I looked over at my — now — lit-up phone, blinking tiredly before reaching to grab it. I swiped across the screen, opening the message that had just come in.

_KT: [Hey, get your ass outside.]_

_[Why?]_

_KT: [Dont ask questions. Just come out to the front.]_  
_[You can even come out in your pajamas.]_

The hell?

_[Fine. Fine.]_

I guess me being in a t-shirt, sweatpants, underwear, and socks was good enough, right?

I sat up in my bed, stretching my arms over my head. I yawned as I slid off my bed and stood up, opening my bedroom door and walking out into the hallway, down the stairs, then finally to the front door. I reached my hand out, twisting the knob and pulling the door open, stepping out onto my porch. Right outside, on the street, was a van. Like, one of those cliche “creeper” vans.

Kageyama was waving me off just beside it, beckoning me over. I raised my index finger towards him, taking a couple steps back and turning around to step inside the entryway of my house. “I'm going out with Tobio!” I called. Once I heard an “Okay!” from my mother, I picked up a pair of my shoes, slipping them on.

I stepped back out onto my porch, shutting the door as I walked down the few steps, along the sidewalk, down my driveway, and up to where Kageyama was. I looked passed him into the van, seeing Daichi on the drivers side, Sugawara in the passenger side, and a few other faces of the other team members.

“Wh-what are we doing...?”

Kageyama just reached an arm around my shoulders, turning me around to walk to the door of the van, opening the twin doors on the side. “Finally had a day where everyone was available, so we're going to play a game.”

“A game?”

“Get in the freaking car, Shouyou!” Nishinoya screeched, reaching out to pull on the collar of my shirt.

“I am! I am!” I said, stepping up on the step and climbing inside, sitting down in one of the rows of seats, Kageyama getting in and sitting down beside me. Nishinoya shut the doors and then Daichi started up the van and started driving. “Wow. We even have Tsukishima, must be a miracle... Did you miss me?”

“You were a really good player. I can appreciate your ability.”

“You _are_ a good player.” Nishinoya corrected, flashing me a smile.

“What have you been up to, Hinata?” Asahi asked, looking back at me.

“Oh.” I paused, “Since I stopped playing volleyball and can't do any physical activity like that, I just sit around and watch TV... Am I being a little bit of a downer?”

“Oh, don't worry about that, Hinata. You're just fine. ” Yamaguchi said.

I smiled a bit, “I've recently gotten into writing.”

“What kinds of things do you write?” Ennoshita asked.

_My goodbye letters._

“Whatever comes to mind, really,” I answered with a laugh.

I saw Kageyama look at me through the corner of my eye; he knew I was lying— or, at least, not being completely truthful.

“How's school going?” Daichi asked.

“Uh—well, I don't really do the work...”

“Right. S-sorry.” He said, remembering I stopped doing it soon after I realized I was going to be dying soon anyway. I wasn't going to waste my time.

“I only go so I can see my friends and such,” I added in.

“How's your spring break so far?” Sugawara asked, looking over the seats to me.

“Oh. I think it's good. Even better now that I'm able to see everyone from the team.” I said with a smile.

“So, where are we going, anyway?” I asked a few moments later.

“Two choices: court at the park, or the gymnasium.” Kageyama answered.

“The gymnasium? At Karasuno?” Kageyama nodded. “Well, yeah, that'd be nice but—How would we even get in?”

“We have captains among us!” Tanaka called out, tossing a set of keys towards me. I caught them midair, holding them in one hand.

“Isn't that a bit illegal?” Tsukishima murmured.

“It's only illegal if you get caught!” Nishinoya replied with a smirk.

I nominate and vote Nishinoya “Most likely to go to jail before 18.”

  


* * *

  


The drive was very fun and full of life and filled with laughter here and there (I even saw Tsukishima smiled a few times) as everyone caught up with one another— especially everyone to and with the third-years. They have some pretty fun college stories...

We finally parked at the school and everyone hopped out. Everyone was headed towards the gymnasium, and I fiddled with the keys still in my hand as I eagerly walked up to the gym.

I stopped at the entrance, looking up at the large building.

“How long has it been?” Nishinoya asked, walking up beside me, looking to me through the corner of his eye, head turned towards the building.

“Months,” I said with an exasperated breath.

“The hell are you waiting for? Open the doors already!” Tanaka said, patting my back a little roughly. I stumbled forward a bit, not that much, before finally walking up the steps, pushing the key into the hole and turning it. I pulled the key back out, opening the door.

I walked inside, followed by the rest of the team. I still refer to the graduates as our “team”— they'll always stay a part of that family. I wonder if, when I'm gone, everyone will think the same of me...

Once inside, Tanaka had taken the keys from me as I looked around at the gym, taking in all the nostalgia from it, and he, Nishinoya, Daichi, and Sugawara had gone off to the closet to assemble the net and get the balls out.

Kageyama came up beside me, arm coming up on one of my shoulders, “How's this for a surprise?”

“I love it.” I said, looking up at him with a smile. “It feels nice to be able to play with the team again.” _I just wonder how long I'll last_...

“I know you've wanting nothing more than play volleyball again. It was a miracle I could get everyone together.”

 _Thank you_...

“But... I'm still in my pajamas...” I murmured, looking down at my own clothes.

“Yeah, we brought some gym clothes for you.” Kageyama said, looking off and away, “Well, I did. I left it in the van. C'mon.” he patted the back of my shoulder before walking off and back outside, be just behind him.

He opened the doors to the van for me, “They're on the seat there,” he said, pointing to the front row. Sure enough, there was some gym shorts, a shirt, and actual tennis shoes. “Just change in here. No one's watching.” He said, shutting the doors to give me privacy; though, of course, I still felt exposed.

Still, I got changed into the shorts, the shirt, and the tennis shoes, opening a door and hopping out beside Kageyama, shutting the vehicle door.

“What if I can't spike the ball like I used to?”

He just shrugged, “So what if you can't. We aren't looking for the perfect form or jump or anything— just the fact that you're on the court. No one's going to be upset if you can't play like you used to.” He looked to me, “All that matters is that you fly... Do you feel confident in that?”

I nodded, “Yeah.” I looked forward, “Thank you, for giving me a chance to play one more time.” _My final chance; my final time to fly_.

He shook his head, letting out a breathy laugh. “Just show me your gratitude on the court, okay?”

“Okay!” I said excitedly with a wide smile.

Then, we were both walking back into the gym. By then, the net was set up and everyone was on their side. My team consisted of me — _duh_ — Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Tanaka, and Ennoshita. Everyone, already in positions, Kageyama and I made our way to our side of the court. I let out a huff, looking up at the net. All so familiar...

I looked at Kageyama briefly before looking to Yamaguchi behind me at the servers position. “Ready?”

“Ready!” I said with a quick nod.

He tossed the ball into the air, running up to the line, leaping into the air, hand smacking against the ball, sending it across the court.

I noticed that he finally perfected that jump-float serve he'd been working on.

Unfortunately, the team also knows about his technique, and they have Nishinoya, so they had received it easily and quickly. The ball went into the air again, gracing Sugawara's fingers and, within a second, Asahi had spiked it onto our side. I expected to hear a smack against the gymnasium floor, but, instead, I had seen Ennoshita receive it.

Ball in air, Kageyama already ready to set it.

I looked at the other side, they were already getting ready to block me.

I bent my knees, lowering my body, feigning a jump.

Surely enough, they fell for it, and Daichi and Narita had jumped in to block. Right when they got off the ground, I had bolted behind Kageyama, knees bending again. I pushed against the surface below with all the force I had, sending my body flying into the air, arm extended backwards.

The ball came in right in front of me, and I flung my arm forward, hand smacking against the surface of the ball.

I was surprised I could move that quickly, honestly...

I landed, looking over to see that Nishinoya had received it, yet again.

I let out a huff, narrowing my eyes. “Again,” I said, loud enough for Kageyama to hear, though no one else was quite paying enough attention.

I swallowed back, watching as the ball flew into the air, touched Sugawara's fingers, then went back up, Kinoshita spiking it back onto our side.

Tsukishima had just barely received it.

I was surprised at how well they were all at receiving and such— but then I remembered they practiced together all the time, so they were used to it; they learned one another's abilities and—

I had gone to jump again, although it was actually Ennoshita who had spiked the ball onto the other side.

Nishinoya had gone to receive it, but winded up falling and sliding on the floor.

“I thought he'd toss it to Hinata again...” Daichi murmured lowly, kind of thinking out loud.

I had thought he'd toss to me again. No. But he's still a great setter, can't deny that fact.

“Quit sulking, Daichi.” I said with a smirk, “Just remember for next time, as always.”

  


* * *

  


We played for fifteen-ish minutes before I went off to “take a break.” In actuality, I had really just gone to the bathroom to vomit my entire existence into the toilet.

I breathed heavily, flushing the toilet, leaning against the side of the stall.

“Shouyou?”

I exhaled deeply, standing straight, turning around, unlocking the stall door and stepping out. Sure enough, I was met with Kageyama.

“You don't need to force yourself, you know...”

“I'm not.” I said, walking to the sink, getting a palmful of water, sipping it into my mouth, washing it around, then spitting it back out into the sink. “This is nothing.” I laughed, going to squirt some soap into my hand, putting my two hands together, washing them under the warm water.

I switched off the water, grabbing a couple paper towels and drying my hands off. “I'm gonna play until it kills me—” quickly adding in, “Not literally.”

Kageyama sighed, walking behind me when I brushed passed him to walk out and back into the gym. “I know how much I can handle.” I said, looking over at him. “Don't worry about it, okay?”

“Okay...”

  


* * *

  


We managed to finish one set, the other team winning 25:19, before I had woken up to everyone circled around me.

My eyes fluttered open, eyes rolling back a little, though I just blinked repeatedly until everyone came into clear view.

“Damn...” I looked to Kageyama, “How long?” I asked tiredly.

“Forty-seven seconds.”

I nodded, laughing lightly a few times, “That's good...”

Sugawara cut in. “No, this _isn't_ good, Hinata! You had slipped and rolled and—”

“I've had worse.” I said, inhaling deeply, going to lift myself up. “No need to worry,” I lifted my thumb up briefly before dropping my hand into my lap. “Another game?”

“Shouyou.” Kageyama said lowly.

“I know, I know.” I breathed with a roll of my eyes.

If I had a seizure doing a physical activity, I had to stop for the day. And, typically, for a few days following to “fully recover,” as my mother told me.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“About one.” Kageyama replied.

“Does this mean the day's over?”

I didn't want to have to say goodbye to everyone for today — and maybe several weeks, or months — because of a single seizure.

“No. We're going to get back in the van and I'll take us all somewhere to eat.” Daichi said.

Everyone perked up at that, and, soon enough, we packed up the net and volleyballs and such and everyone was going back outside, Tanaka locking the gymnasium doors. We all piled back into the van and Daichi started up again, going to drive off wherever place he had in mind.

“Thank you guys, for coming out and all.” I said.

“It's no problem, Hinata,” Sugawara said, “It was nice playing together again. I really missed that, you know?”

I miss playing together, too, Sugawara— _everyone_.

I... really missed the team. I missed us all being together like this and playing together... I missed it a hell of a lot more than I thought I ever would.

“I liked flying like that again,” I said, a hand of mine going in the air as if soaring, kind of thinking out loud. “I just really enjoyed everything about this.”

Thank you for fixing my broken wings and letting me wear them one last time.

 _Thank you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give you some closure about him being able to play one more time? And seeing the whole team together again? Feel happy? Feel fulfilled? All fuzzy inside?
> 
> Alright. Good. So, now, you can stop reading if you want. Really. I won't blame you. There's a couple more chapters. But, like, you don't need to read any further than this.
> 
> Go home.
> 
> You can live a full life not reading any further.


	28. No Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's health takes a turn for the worse.
> 
> Kageyama visits Hinata in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. No one is forcing you to be here. Like, really. This is going to be the point of no return. Please.
> 
> Go. Home.
> 
> Run, run away and never return.
> 
> I am trying to prevent an accident from happening. Just let me do this. Leave. You still have an opportunity.
> 
>  
> 
> Tch.
> 
> Whatever. Just take the frickin' song and read this shit anyway then idefc:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsvHC9UMrGs

The weeks that followed that special day were spent mostly at the Hinata residence.

For awhile, Shouyou just hardly got up, seemingly reluctant. We went to the forest a couple times, but that was more so at the beginning of spring.

A few more weeks, and Shouyou was always in his bed, hardly even able to get up on his own.

His parents took me aside one of those days while I was downstairs getting Shouyou's dinner, they said that the doctors had recommended him being admitted into the hospital. I spoke against that idea, saying that Shouyou would be miserable and that I already knew he'd object, too— right up until the day he _knows_ he has to.

They reluctantly agreed with me.

  


* * *

  


Summer was freshly settling in, although the echo of Spring was still present.

I find it very ironic— how Winter is supposed to represent “death,” and Summer is supposed to represent “life,” but it was the exact opposite: as the days grew hotter, Shouyou was gradually getting worse.

His health had taken a turn for the worse just the week prior, and the doctors said permanent hospitalization was necessary. I had talked to Shouyou's mom, and she said it was a level 20. He was dying rapidly, and all anyone and everyone could do about it was just sit back and watch as he slowly faded away with each passing day. His life itself was dwindling right before everyone's eyes — and that once bright, bright light in his eyes I loved so much was tarnishing with time.

I could no longer “casually” ignore it any longer, something Shouyou asked me to do some time ago.

I can't remember much of anything anymore, like what I'd done the past two years, everything feels like it's just passed me by; it felt like everything had gone by me so fast it had become a blur, my memories becoming hazy as a result.

I don't want to forget everything about him and the team, everything about us and everything we were— so I just keep trying to play back everything like a movie... The tape's running short. Everything's just going by so quickly. Those predicted three years had become a year and nine months, still counting.

It was a Tuesday, June 2nd, three weeks before Shouyou's birthday, when he messaged me, asking me to come to the hospital to see him.

I didn't think twice before I had already set off to go to the hospital. Although, this time around, my mother had taken the liberty to drive me. Given the fact that this hospital was an hour long drive away. Still, I was thankful she had opted to take me.

  


* * *

  


She parked the car, allowing me some time to get out. I had unbuckled myself, grabbing the car door handle when she spoke up, “Tobio,”

I looked over at her with a raised brow.

“Just... be prepared to face the worst, okay?”

She was telling me things I already knew and had thought of. Afterall, he had asked me randomly. It wasn't like we were talking. That was the only message he sent me.

“Yeah...” I breathed with a quick nod, looking away from her. I paused briefly, as if I was going to say something, but I didn't. I opened the car door and stepped out, closing the door and waving my mom off as she drove away. She would be going somewhere relatively close to the hospital to pass the time until I messaged her that I was done and to pick me up.

I walked up to the main entrance and through the sliding doors, into the main lobby. I walked up to the receptionist, “Kageyama Tobio, visiting Hinata Shouyou in room 313.”

I already knew what she was doing when she went to type on her keyboard: Hinata Shouyou's name first to view his files, checking the room number, and, finally, seeing if my name was on the visitation list.

She looked up at me, giving off a certain aura. She knew about Shouyou's condition and his current state. The woman nodded curtly, “Head on through,” she said, pointing off to the twin doors. Of course, I've been here a couple times before, so I already knew where to go, but I didn't recognize the woman so she had to go through standard protocol.

I nodded to her as a kind of “thanks” before walking off through the doors, down the main hallway, up the elevator to the third floor, then a little ways down another hallway to the left.

I stopped when I got to the door, reaching a hand out to grab the handle. I stood there for awhile, exhaling deeply as I pushed on the door handle, opening the door and stepping inside. I walked a little ways into the room, pushing the door gently, knowing it would shut easily, taking a few more steps into the room, stopping when I saw Shouyou.

His bed had been moved so that it was beside the window — per his request — and I guessed he hadn't heard me come in, since he didn't do much as to glance in my direction, he just continued to stare outside.

I walked across the room, standing next to his bed, eyes trying to find what he was looking at. He had a decent view from here.

I looked back at him, seeing that he was frowning — although, he had developed that a couple weeks prior; even _I_ had trouble getting him to crack a smile — that his skin was paler than normal, his cheeks looked sunken in...

“I like watching the birds that fly by,” he stated suddenly, “It's a nice little pass-time. That, and looking at the people that pass by and just, really, everything outside.”

“How come?”

“It's nice to see how everything is so free; people going about their usual days, they don't have anything really holding them back, they have the freedom to do whatever they want.” He paused, licking his lips, mouth parting slightly after, “The birds are especially free. It's like the same idea as people, but I'm jealous of their wings and their ability to fly. They can take their wings and go _anywhere_.” He swallowed back noticeably. “I'd just be happy if I could get out of his room.”

At his house, he was restricted to his room.

At the hospital, he's restricted to his room.

The tumor had taken everything from him— he was currently talking about how it rid him of his freedom and ability to do anything. He can't even walk on his own at this point. His legs gave out so easily, so quickly...

“You look exhausted...”

“I can't sleep most of the time. I sleep fitfully, my brain begging to shut all the way down... I told you I wasn't scared,” he paused, looking down. “I lied. I'm _terrified_. I'm scared to shut all the way down. Scared that I—” he paused, taking a couple breaths, “—that I might not wake back up.”

It's hard on me, watching from the sidelines as he gradually decays; but it's even harder on him. I can't imagine what he feels.

“You're wondering why I asked you to come so suddenly, aren't you?”

“You're a god-damn psychic...” I grumbled. Although, it could easily be guessed I would want to know. Still, he's always been kind of able to read my mind, so I was usually wary about what I was thinking about, and if I was physically showing any indication to my inner thoughts.

“I know you too well, Tobio,” he said, looking over at me. I could see the dark-colored bags under his eyes, and the lifelessness within his eyes. “So I wish you wouldn't sugarcoat things or neglect to tell me things entirely.” He blinked slowly, turning his head to look back outside. “Everyone keeps sugarcoating things and they seem to like keeping things from me, too.” He clenched his teeth, narrowing his eyes, “I wish they would try a hell of a lot harder not to fucking talk about me when I'm within earshot— and outside my fucking door doesn't help them with as much as they think it does.”

I remained silent, not knowing what to say.

“I've learned that people say what we _want_ to hear because no one wants to hear the painful truth.”

He sighed, looking over to me, facial expression softening, “That's not the point. Sorry. I got carried away there.”

“Don't apologize.” I said, sitting down at the foot of the bed, slipping my shoes off and pulling myself fully up on the bed, sitting criss-crossed, facing him.

“I wanted to see you one last time.”

One last... time...

I blinked quickly, brows furrowing upward, swallowing back, hard.

“Can I break your heart for a second?”

It's not going to be ‘a second.’

“I've got a few weeks left.”

I bit down on my bottom lip, desperately trying to stop myself from tearing up because — if I started tearing up — I would end up crying like a god-damn baby.

“And I want this to be the last time you see me.”

“Wh-why?” I asked a little harshly.

“Look at me, Tobio.” He straightened himself up, narrowing his eyes, “I already look like shit now, and I'm just going to get worse. I don't want you to see me like that.”

“I don't care.” I said through gritted teeth. “I want to see you as much as I can— ev-every single day...—!”

“Please...” he whispered, looking down at his lap, his hands tightening on themselves.

I think he was mainly trying to prevent me from actually seeing him die right in front of me.

I bit down on my bottom lip, though it was already too late, a couple tears had ran down my cheeks.

It hurts, you know? How everything can be doing just fine, then, suddenly, it all just crashes down again. I could feel that pain in my chest— the tightening and twisting; feeling as though someone had grabbed hold of your heart and was trying to rip it out as slowly and painfully as possible.

“Come closer,” he said. I exhaled deeply, standing up and walking to his side.

“A little closer,” he drawled, voice a little lower. I bent over, now at perfect eye-level with him.

He looked me dead in the eyes with his gorgeous fucking eyes. Even if the light had faded, I still loved them.

“I love you,” he said. “I love you so much, Tobio.”

“I-I love you, too,” I said in a whisper, turning my head to look down, biting at the inside of my bottom lip.

“I am so glad to have met you...” he paused, shuffling in his spot a bit. “Do you regret meeting me?”

 _I wish I had met you sooner_...

“Not for a second.” If I hadn't met him, I wouldn't have experienced everything I've experienced. He basically forged my very existence, carved his name into my being, signing his name onto my heart and soul.

“Can you tell me something?”

I looked up at him finally.

“You won't forget me, right?” he let out a quick, breathy laugh. “I know I forgot you, but that totally wasn't my fault, I swear.”

I swallowed back, corners of my mouth turning upward ever so slightly. “I won't forget you—”

How could I? How could I ever forget someone who gave me so much to _remember_. He was the one who taught me to trust; the one who taught me kindness; the one who helped me be a better person— the one who's done so much for me and taught me so much. He's the one who taught me to laugh, gave me a reason to smile. He's the one who gave me a reason to appreciate everything about him, to fall in love with every bit of him— he gave me a reason to fall in love and to love with everything I had in me. I couldn't possibly thank him enough to make up for everything he's done for me.

Did I do enough for him?

“—I promise.” I finished.

He smiled, cupping my cheek with a hand, leaning forward to plant a gentle kiss on my lips.

His eyes had filled with that special light of his.

“Tobio...” he whispered, pausing to get a quick breath. “I'm glad I fell in love with you.” He continued with a similar question as before, “Do you regret falling in love with me?”

I sucked in a breath, leaning forward and wrapping my arms around him, a hand coming up to brush the back of his head, the antithetical hand on his back.

“Never.” I never did then; I don't now; I won't in the future.

I felt his arms come up around me, holding on tight. I kept whispering, “I love you,” into his ear, tears coming down. I could hear him crying, too. It broke my heart, but I couldn't bear letting go... not just yet.

  


* * *

  


We held each other like that for awhile before I pulled myself back, leaning forward, a hand brushing through his hair, pulling his bangs out of his face with each stroke.

“I'm sorry you cried again,” I said, looking down. “I-I told you I wouldn't let you cry again because you're hurting... I was supposed to make the-the little time you have left as enjoyable as possible... I-I promised... I would make you overwhelmingly happy... and...—”

“You did, Tobio,” he cut in, “I enjoyed every single second of that time. I was happy. _You_ made me happy... I loved everything I did so much. I couldn't have asked for it to have been any better. Everything felt so perfect to me... And there's not a single moment of these past couple of years I regret.”

He graced his hand under my chin, lifting it as he looked at me, smiling.

“You gave me wings and made me fly—” he said as I dropped my hand down to his shoulder, thumb rolling over his neck.

“Thank you. Thank you _a million times over_.” he whispered, cupping my cheek again.

Again, I was melting in his milk chocolate eyes; I was caught up in that beautiful light they exhibited.

“You gave me a forever within the numbered days— and for that, I'm grateful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last warning. Please leave. Don't make me do this. You still have a chance to leave.
> 
> If you read any further, you will have — _officially_ — gone passed the point of no return.
> 
>  
> 
> _“Let's go home.”_
> 
>  
> 
> (also there's two chapters left. have fun with this information.)


	29. The Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I loved, and I loved, and I lost you...”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damn you freaking masochists...  
> (i am not good at writing sad things. pardon my attempt at peoples lil speeches n shit. bleh.)
> 
> I imagine Hina would be into astronomy and things to do with the sky in general. So, like, yeah.
> 
> A couple select scenario's (like the boyfriend shirt and eyeliner thing) taken from some fanart I have on my phone. Unfortunately, I don't know the artists. If you recognize the scene and know the artist and told me so I could credit them, that'd be great.
> 
> (you'll get these notes as you read — they're to keep up with the time; a 'present' in between each; also, these are in chronological order, just major time skips in between):  
> — before ch.1; morning, first year of hs for hina and them, near the beginning of the school year  
> — (srsly fam?) is october- halloween time. boo! scaryyy  
> — november, before he lost his memories  
> — the pool, spring after he lost/got his memories  
> — early august
> 
> Lyrics start at around 2:21:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3lWwMHFhnA

“I don't know what to do.” I said, glaring daggers at the ground, arms resting on my thighs as I leaned forward in the seat.

“Well, you already told me you at least _try_ to treat him kinder when you two are alone...” Sugawara murmured. “But what's it about being around other people that changes that?”

“I don't know exactly,” _More like I can't explain it_... “When I'm around other people, I get some sort of other feeling entirely. It's like I don't know how to act or behave or whatever— but when I'm with him alone, it seems to change. Although, I still can't present myself like I would like, too. You know, I'm not really good with people because—”

“You've never had any real friends.”

I blinked, looking to the silver-haired male.

“Blunt? Yes, I know.” he sighed, sitting down in a chair in front of me, body turned to the side, tilting his head towards me. “... Are you _sure_ it's a crush, Tobio?”

I nodded.

With everyone else, it was a neutral emotion — although I come off as being hostile regardless — but with Hinata, it's different. I actually feel like I _should_ appreciate and respect him to the fullest. But this is with exclusion to the more _personalized_ feelings and actions I've noticed myself doing...

“How much do you like volleyball?”

“It's the definition of my existen—”

I stopped myself, eyes widening.

I don't like where this is going.

“Oh? So you like it a lot then? Alright...”

No, no, no, no. No.

“If I catch you or hear about you being an ass to Shouyou, then I'll have you benched. And, if you're benched five times, we'll just take you off the team.”

I huffed, glaring at him, “You wouldn't do that—”

He lowered his gaze, returning a glare, “Do you want to test that theory?”

I shook my head quickly.

He smiled, returning to a friendly, welcoming countenance. “Alright. Glad we have an understanding, now—”

The door opened and Hinata walked in.

Sugawara and I stared at him for a little while, and Hinata looked terrified.

“Perfect timing, Shouyou!” Sugawara chimed, standing up.

“W-why?”

“Would you be opposed to walking with me, Daichi, and Kageyama to coach's store after school?”

I saw him glance at me before looking straight at Sugawara. “ _Why?_ ”

“I'll buy you some meat buns,” Sugawara drawled cheerily, smiling.

He didn't say anything for awhile, as if in deep thought, kind of puffing out his cheeks a bit in a pouty kind of way. “... What time?”

“Right after practice.”

He stood up a little straighter, walking into the room, going to his bag and digging through it. I suppose he was getting what he'd come in for.

Then, he left.

“I'll take that as a ‘yes.’”

“He was bought off by meat buns...” I grumbled, narrowing my eyes at the door he shut.

He shrugged, “Keep it as a mental note for later.”

Sugawara stood up, “And you shouldn't even be complaining, Tobio, I just got you a date.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, looking up at the male.

“Daichi is going home early for a doctors appointment, and I'm going to have him pretend to be my dad or something, calling me home.” He headed for the club room door, looking over his shoulder, waving me off. “Have fun on your date!”

He stepped out, door shutting behind him, and I was left alone in the club room.

“A... date...?”

Should I be excited or terrified?

  


* * *

  


I blinked back into reality, seeing that I was standing in front of a mirror, staring at myself.

I looked like shit with dark rings under my eyes and sunken-in cheeks.

I wasn't as strong as I was at the start. I thought it was painful enough when he forgot me, but now, he had actually died. I don't know how I held up that entire time without absolutely going insane or totally letting myself go as to die, too.

In all honesty, after I was told the news, I refused to get out of bed, let alone leave my room. I just laid. The first few days, I cried until I passed out; when I woke up, I would wind up thinking about it, cry some more, then pass out. My mother brought me a glass of water five times a day, knowing how much I was crying— it just fueled more tears, but I knew she just was trying to have me not get dehydrated. She would also bring me three meals a day.

... It wouldn't be until a week had passed that I would actually make a failure of an attempt to try and down some of the food. And it was only then I felt guilty for having not eaten anything before, but I just... couldn't bring myself to eat. The only thing that got me out of bed was the urgency to go to the bathroom— even then, I waited until I was literally about to piss myself; stalling as much time as I could.

My phone rang relentlessly from incoming texts and calls — didn't know who — but, at some point, the sound pissed me off enough and I turned the thing off, tossing it across the room; not hard or far enough to break it, just to get it as far out of eyesight as possible.

After a week, I couldn't sleep whatsoever. My mind ran endlessly with thoughts of Shouyou, among a few other things. Memories. Enjoyable for awhile, but then the aching truth of it all would bring that moment of happiness to a close.

The only thing that brought me out of my room just under two weeks of isolation was the funeral for him today. How could I possibly lift myself from this state? He's the only one who could and _did_ bring out the good in me. He's the only one who could bring a smile to my face and light in my eyes at this point. He's the only one who could keep me sane at this point. He's the only one who could really do anything for me now— of course, I know he can't do anything for me anymore.

Every good part of me is now gone— but, everything will be alright...

... _Right?_

If he was here, he'd probably say something like “At least you smell good.” Yeah, I guess I've got that going for me.

I was dressed in a classic ol' black colored suit with a white shirt and a god-damn annoying ass fucking black tie.

I've always hated suits. Luckily for me, I never had to wear them. At least, up until now.

I let out a huff, dropping my arms down to my sides, looking at my failure of a tie. It didn't even look remotely like a tie, or anything, really. It was like when you pull headphones out of your pocket and the wires are all sorts of tangled and fucked up.

“You _really_ don't know how to tie a tie, do you?” I heard my father ask suddenly.

I looked over to see that he was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, looking at me with a smirk. “C'mon, let me help you.”

I sighed, turning to face him as he stepped closer, undoing my pitiful excuse of a tie before going to actually tie it properly.

Several moments later, he drew the knot up to my neck, stopping just before reaching the collar of my shirt. “Feel free to tighten it to your liking.” He said, patting my shoulder and stepping back out.

I looked back at the mirror, grabbing hold of the knot and pulling it closer to my neck, stopping when there was a good centimeter-two centimeters between it and my neck. I'd probably still feel like I'm choking the whole time.

All I could do today was try and hold my shit together long enough to make it through the funeral without anyone seeing me so vulnerable— only Shouyou was allowed to see me like that.

I leaned forward, holding myself up by grasping the edge of the sink inside my palms. “I won't cry,” I said dourly, “I won't cry. It'll be fine.” I started glaring at the reflection in the mirror, “Just pretend, like you've always done,” I said through gritted teeth. “Pretend this isn't happening. Any distraction necessary to lull your mind away from this.” I let out a heavy breath, I stood up straighter, hands tightening into fists on top of the counter. “... Just give me a momentary fix. Just a brief rush of courage for a couple hours. After the funeral, when I'm alone again, I can let myself break down. So just wait until then.”

I exhaled slowly, standing up straight. I walked out of the bathroom, into the hallway, and into the living room where my parents were already waiting.

“Are you ready?”

“As ‘ready’ as I'm going to be able to get,” I answered, turning to walk to the door, open it, and step outside, my parents just behind me. I walked to the car, waiting until my father unlocked the vehicle before pulling the door open, stepping inside and sitting down comfortably.

I didn't bother with the seat belt— there was a possibility that we could get in a wreck, and, honestly, if that were to happen, I wouldn't particularly care if I died.

  


* * *

  


“Dammit!” Hinata screeched, tightening his hold on my lower face, hand under my chin. “Hold still, you asshole!”

“You almost plucked my eyeball out that time,” I said coolly.

He pulled me closer to him, hand still on the underside of my chin, fingers pressing into my lower cheeks.

I jerked my head away again as he came closer with the stick thing. “I feel threatened.” I grumbled.

I'm pretty sure I saw Hinata's eye twitch from frustration. “It's. Just. Eyeliner!” he hissed, pulling me closer to him again-again-again... “It's not like I'm taking a blade to your face!”

“I think that's safer than this...” I closed my eyes, opening one into a slit soon after, looking at the boy sitting on his legs right in front of me. “You still can't even receive a volleyball correctly, and you honestly expect me to relax with you holding a sharp object this close to my eyes?”

“Well I'm about to gouge out your eyes with my nails if you don't stop moving!”

  


It took longer than either one of us could have expected, but, ten minutes later, Hinata had finished and finally pulled away, settling himself to sit down fully. “There...” he breathed. “I have successfully completed my quest.”

“You stabbed my eye six times!”

“... Because you kept moving,” he said. “And if you consider those light little taps ‘stabbing,’ you've got a big storm coming.”

He slid off the bed, standing up, “Alright, go ahead and get into your costume.”

I rolled my eyes, getting off the bed too and getting my bag that had my costume inside to get dressed in the bathroom, Hinata getting dressed into his own costume in his own room.  
I returned to his room, knocking a couple times before walking in, messing with the sleeves of my shirt. I looked up, seeing Hinata just staring at me.

“Wh-what is it?”

He didn't say anything, just kept staring.

After awhile, he looked up at me. “Sorry. I just think you look really hot.”

“I don't normally look hot?”

“Mm, no, no... You always hot, that costume just adds onto it. Like, megahot; hotness level maxed out; hot—”

“I get it.”

“Aww. I wasn't done.” he fake pouted.

He let out a breath, sitting up on the bed, “But I am going to make a lot of ‘bite me’ comments tonight.”

“Oh, har, har...” I grumbled, rolling my eyes. Odds were, he would come up with a lot of puns based off of my vampire costume.

I looked at Hinata as he went about fiddling with the fabric on his shirt.

Then, I leaned in, mouth coming into contact with the skin on his neck. I parted my lips, gently biting on the soft skin there.

The boy yelped and jumped back in shock, pulling away instantly. “Hey, what the hell?”

I smirked. “You asked me to. As long as you say those two words — ‘bite me’ — I'll keep doing that.” I inched closer, planting a kiss on his cheek, “Plus it seems like efficient revenge for you stabbing me earlier.”

“I think I'll take that,” he said with a smirk before sliding off the bed, patting my thigh, “Let's go, Nishinoya's going to start spamming me with texts if we don't get there soon.”

I smiled, watching the boy turn to leave the room, with me following just behind.

  


* * *

  


“Tobio?”

I looked up, seeing that we had parked the car. I inhaled quickly, looking around through the windows of the car.

“C'mon, it's not all that far.” My mother said, stepping out of the car, along with my father, the two of them shutting the doors. I sucked on my bottom lip before going to bite at it, opening the door and stepping out, closing it a little harder than intended, wincing at the sound.

I clenched my teeth, looking to my parents; they didn't seem to mind.

I swallowed back, exhaling deeply, turning to follow behind them as we walked along the asphalt pavement.

At some point, my parents continued to walk on ahead, although I had strayed off the trail, walking through the grass, a few raised stones passing.

I stopped, standing at the edge of a small river — better classified as a stream — the water running through smoothly. I had my hands in my pants pockets, blinking my eyes slowly, tiredly, looking down at the running water, the sun reflecting off the surface.

I exhaled slowly, raising my chin and upwards towards the sky, closing my eyes as to not hurt my eyes from the extreme brightness of the sun there.

  


* * *

  


“Tobiiiooo!” Shouyou called, drawling out my name in that pouty little tone of his. It always sounded cute, but in times where he was _genuinely_ trying to sound angry, I just couldn't take him seriously. He's just too damn cute. The resultant would be him getting even angrier, and actually shouting— he's the type to look cute when he's angry.

I lifted my head from the page I was reading, turning my head to the side as he opened the door and entered the room. I was laying in my bed, on my back, body semi-propped up by the pillows just behind me.

The boy was covered in some mystery liquid, semi-solid kind of concoction.

“What the hell were you doing...?” I asked calmly, raising an eyebrow.

“I was trying to make food, but the thing exploded and— um...” He pulled himself back, sucking on his bottom lip. “Nevermind.” he said quickly.

He did something he knew I'd get mad at.

“What did you do?” I asked, sitting up, furrowing my brows, a slight glare forming.

“Nothing! Nothing! Just-um. Continue your... reading.” He said, going to shut my door.

I stood up quickly, abandoning the papers on my bed, grabbing hold of the wooden door, looking down at him. He averted his gaze, taking a couple steps back, still, hopelessly, trying to shut the door.

“What'd you do...?” I asked again, although a little calmer as to give him some assurance.

“Um...” he was biting at his lip, still not able to look up at me. “I-I kind of made the entire kitchen a mess—uh, the pot thing exploded and...”

I sighed, dropping my arm to my side and stepping passed him and into the hallway.

“I'm sorry! I wasn't trying to do that, I swear!”

I rounded the corner, looking into the kitchen to see that it was practically painted in whatever the hell he was trying to make. I guessed some sort of sauce or another. I exhaled slowly, closing my eyes and looking down.

“I'm sorry! I'm sorry!”

I looked back up with a quick breath, looking over my shoulder at the small, ginger-haired boy. “Go into the bathroom and take a shower. I'll get you some clean clothes.”

“B-but the mess...—”

“I'll handle it.” I said, already going for the closet there to get some cleaning supplies. He really knows how to make a huge mess without doing much of anything, huh?

“Just make sure to toss those clothes directly into the hamper, and be careful as to not get that stuff all over, okay?”

“O-okay...” And, with that, he was gone, and I was left to clean up the kitchen— hopefully before my parents came back home.

  


A while later, I heard Shouyou calling out for me. By then, fortunately, I had finished picking up. I returned the cleaning supplies to the closet and walked out into the hallway. Shouyou had the bathroom door open, although he was hiding his body behind it, probably worried about parents seeing him. “I-I don't have any clothes...”

“Yeah. Just hang in here for a minute, okay?” I reached a hand out to push his bangs out of his face, crossing the hallway to go into my bedroom. I pulled open the top left drawer, grabbing one of my t-shirts — simple light grey with darker grey sleeves, hem of the neck, and volleyball design on the front, along with a pair of dark grey boxers that had strings so he could easily adjust them to his waist size. I walked back out into the hall, handing him the articles.

I let out a deep breath, walking back into my room and returning to my position on my bed, picking up the papers and finding the place I stopped at. Soon enough, Shouyou walked in.

I looked up, blinking a couple times and swallowing back. My eyes widened and I just stared at him.

The underwear I lent him was hardly able to be seen, since my shirt was baggy on him and came down noticeably past his hips.

He looked so fucking cute and—

“Thanks for letting me borrow this...” he said sheepishly, his eyes not meeting mine.

“It's nothing, really...” I let out a little nervous laugh, “K-keep it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Y-yeah. It-it's fine!” I said hurriedly.

He just laughed, giving me his special look with eyes glossy and shining. “You're a dork, you know?”

I smiled, scooting closer to the wall, patting at the newly opened space beside me.

He let out a deep breath, crawling over and laying down on his side beside me. He nestled up close to me, an arm draping over my stomach, his face close to me. “So warm...” He lifted his chin, nose pressing into my side as he inhaled. “Smells nice...”

I reached a hand down, brushing through his hair, smiling as I looked down at him. His eyes had closed, so it was obvious he would be falling asleep soon— especially since I was playing with his hair, that always seemed to do the quick faster. I returned my eyes to my papers, continuing my reading.

I think that I—

  


* * *

  


“Tobio!”

I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me.

I blinked quickly a couple times, vision becoming clear. I was breathing quickly, staring blankly forward at the continuously running water. I looked around tiredly; grass and stones to the left, grass and stones to the right. I looked to see who had shaken me: my mother.

“C'mon.” she said, nudging me a bit as she turned around, walking on somewhere. I turned around, too, following behind her.

We walked up onto a paved pathway where my father was waiting and joined us, both of them taking the lead just a few steps in front of me.

I could see a crowd of people gathered.

Yeah. This is it.—

I walked through the man-made aisle that split the crowd into two sides, walking to the front, sitting down slowly. Once again, I stared blankly ahead, though this time, I was looking down.

—The funeral.

I listened to the priest as he spoke, giving his “standard protocol” — _cliché-as-hell_ — speech.

Once he finished the beginning of said speech, Shouyou's parents were asked to speak. First, his father.

The only way I could bring myself to sit straight was if my back was against the back of the chair. If it wasn't there, I would surely collapse. Although, I was still slumped back in the seat, my hands on my stomach.

  


His father spoke for ten minutes. At first, he tried to keep himself together, but he ended up stopping midway because he was totally breaking down and crying.

Next, his mother.

Fifteen minutes, her voice cracked and was lost more than once. She stopped many times as she spoke.

“... Even though he was dying,” she took a breath, “he still managed to smile and laugh and love. That fire in him never died.” She paused. “And it still won't. The memory of him will continue, and he will continue to shed his light onto everyone who knew him.”

Even in those final days, I could faintly see a little spark in his eyes. I was lucky, because the match was struck when I was there with him.

... He asked me to stay with him; that I don't leave him. That last time I saw him, he asked me to not come back to see him; he asked me to leave.

“He left a letter for me, addressed to the family,”

I blinked, brows furrowing.

“And I wanted to read it out loud to everyone. Maybe for some words to lift your spirits? Give some closure?”

I looked up, interest peaking.

A letter?

_“I've recently got into writing ... Whatever comes to mind.”_

A farewell letter?

Is that—

I looked up to his mother as she unfolded the paper, holding it up a bit as she started reading.

—the only one?

  


* * *

  


“I think this is a bad idea,” I hissed in a whispered as I followed behind Shouyou.

“Oh, come ooonn.” He laughed lightly, “We're just fine. Quit sketching out.”

Easier said than done.

I still continued after him regardless of how anxious I felt about the situation.

Then, we stopped at a gate, Shouyou fiddling with the lock there. “Crap!”

“Wh-what?”

“We're gonna have to climb over.” He said.

“What?!”

I looked over at him suddenly, seeing that he had already grasped the metal fence with both hands, pulling himself up gradually.

“Quit being a baby!” he teased, swinging a leg over onto the other side, the other, then he was climbing down.

I hesitated before starting to climb over.

Still, I managed to do it somehow, jumping down the last couple of feet of the fence, landing with a soft thud.

I followed after the smaller boy as he skipped on ahead, though I kept to walking.

He had stopped after a short while, taking his shoes and socks off hastily. “Hurry up!” he called to me.

I picked up my pace, stopping when I was beside him, slipping my own shoes and socks off.

I stood up straight, watching as he pulled his shirt off over his head and unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down to his ankles before kicking them off completely.

I hesitated before taking off my own shirt, watching as the boy took several steps back before bursting into a sprint, jumping at the edge then plunging into the water with a loud splash.

I clenched my teeth, looking as his head quickly bobbed back up, breaking through the water against as he came up, all smiles.

I pulled off my own pants slowly, walking to the edge, lowering my body, legs getting in the water before I pushed myself in fully. I stood up, feet easily touching the bottom.

“The water looks pretty with the cherry blossom petals scattered in it, don't you think?”

“Uh, y-yeah...” I murmured, looking around.

I swear, we're going to get caught...

“... You're tense, _that's_ the problem here.” Shouyou said, swimming over to me.

Soon enough, he had wrapped his arms around me and pulled me under into the water with him.

I think I would've totally freaked out, but, sure enough, I soon felt Shouyou press his lips to mine, quickly and easily calming me down.

I melted into it, keeping my eyes shut, making sure not to inhale.

I wrapped my arms around him, going down to hold under his thighs — and, also, his butt really — and standing up, taking him up with me and holding him just at my own waist.

I opened my eyes as he pulled away from the kiss, arms around my neck, legs wrapping around my back. He smiled, “Better?”

“Mm...” I leaned forward, kissing him again.

  


Awhile passed after we had a little make-out session and swam around for awhile. We had stopped, sitting on the edge of the pool, feet in the water. Shouyou was talking up a storm about how beautiful he thought life is.

I was looking at him contentedly, admiring the glow on his skin from the light offered by the moon, reflecting off the water drops on his body and in his hair.

“... I also really like the sky. It's beautiful, y'know?” he looked to me, eyes shining, a little smile on his face. “I like sunrises and sunsets the most — all the colors that come with them, they're really pretty.” He looked up at the sky, “You ever look at the constellations?”

I let out a deep breath, looking up to the sky and at the stars there. “I don't know any constellations.”

“Well,” he scooted closer to me, extending an arm to point out something. “See that really bright star there?”

“Mm.”

“The North Star...” he trailed his finger down into a path. “And if you follow it, you'll see an arch that forms a bowl near the other end there.” He turned his head to look at me, “Do you see it?”

It took me a minute to figure out what he was sketching out exactly. “Y-yeah.”

“It's called the Big Dipper.”

“Oh. I have heard of that... just didn't know what it really was...”

He let out a quick, single laugh as he dropped his arm into his lap. “But, something kind of sad is that you see all these stars up here,” his gaze returned to the sky, “But most of them — maybe all of them, even — have burned out. The time difference between us and space is so great, so we don't even notice. The light is still travelling to us... Kind of like an echo.”

He smiled, eyes sparkling. “They've died, but their light still travels towards us, just so we can appreciate that light. I think that's beautiful.”

 _You're_ beautiful.

“I want to be like that. I want my light to continue to shine, even after I'm gone.”

“It will.” I leaned towards him, kissing his cheek. “Don't worry. Your light isn't one that can be erased.”

The memory of you will continue. Your light will still burn as brightly as when you lived. Your beauty will never be erased.

Your existence will...

 _echo_.

  


* * *

  


“‘... I am grateful of both mom, and dad, and sister, and of my uncles, and aunts, and cousins— everyone. I'm glad I could have had the family I did; I couldn't have asked for anyone better. You all made me extremely happy and gave me everything I could have ever wanted or needed.

So, thank you everyone.

I love all of you.

Signed...’” she let out a deep breath, “‘Shouyou.’” She looked at the paper for awhile longer, flipping it back to the front and folding it again. She raised a hand to wipe away stray tears before looking to the crowd. “I'm glad to have had such a wonderful son...” she said, looking over to the casket, whispering a “I love you,” before looking to the crowd one final time, dipping her head, and then walking off the podium and back to her seat, just a couple seats beside me. His mother, sister, father, then me, my mother, and my father, along with a couple other family members.

My mother leaned towards me, although she still faced forward, “Didn't you want to say a few words?”

I swallowed back, staring at the podium, then the casket, immediately looking down at the ground after that, clenching my hands into fists on top of my thighs. “I'm not ready yet.”

“Alright...” she breathed, sitting up straight.

The priest came back up onto the podium, looking to the crowd. “Would anyone else like to speak?”

Surely enough, a couple aunts and uncles and other family members had gone, in no particular order, to speak.

After the family had finished, I looked over my shoulder to see Nishinoya stand up from a seat in the front row and walk up to the podium.

... Yeah, that's right, he was Shouyou's best friend...

Heh. Poor kid could just barely see over the top.

He gave up on that and just stepped to the side. I'm pretty sure I heard a few chuckles in the crowd from behind.

“When...” _He looks..._ “When Shouyou was on our team — uh, v-volleyball team... —” _Nervous?_ “He was one of our best players, he was fast, agile, and his jump was amazing. And everyone was so shocked when they saw him jump because, God, he freaking soared...” _No— maybe._ “That's what he wanted to do. He wanted to fly. And-and I think he got to do that.” _Scared?_ “He liked the idea of being able to jump so high it was like he was flying. I like that idea, too. It's like, like having freedom.” _No...?_ “We-we also had a thing where some of us kind of referred to him as the sun, his name certainly means that, but also because he was a good person. His personality itself was bright— he was felicific, exuberant... and... also very excitable. Like, _really_ excitable.” _Certainly depressed..._ “I think that's what I like best about him. Because — even though he knew he was sick, even when he gradually had to stop doing things he loved, including volleyball, and then stop completely, even when he couldn't get out of bed, even when he was in the hospital and literally on his death bed—” _He's trying to keep his shit together. Just like me._ “—He still shined bright, just like the sun... He was definitely a fighter... y'know, h-he was never one for quitting. That's what I like the most about him.”

I knew he wasn't saying everything he wanted to say. Maybe it was the crowd he didn't feel comfortable with. Afterall, he would probably rather say things to Shouyou personally. But, that can't be done now. Still, I'd want talk to the grave with an idea of him possibly being able to hear me rather than openly to this crowd. I don't want this crowd to hear my truest feelings.

He was looking down, his hands going over one another, fiddling with them. “But I guess I'm probably just going to miss our stupid conversations the most.” He looked over his shoulder, glaring at the casket, “And you never answered my fucking question,” There it is— “so screw you for dying on me!” —The tears.

I would have to think he probably sent a question in text, but then Shouyou—

“We were going to go to Championships— to Tokyo, Goddammit! And-and I was supposed to see you graduate!”

I stood up suddenly, walking over to Nishinoya who, by now, was facing the casket. “We were all going to come together, and we would talk about college and how our lives are going!” I came in front of him, wrapping my arms around him. He was still cursing at the casket, though his voice was muffled. A few moments later, he stopped cursing, arms at his sides, face buried in my chest as he continued crying.

“H-he-he's gone,” he croaked, “He's fucking gone.”

I bit down hard on the inside of my bottom lip, “Yeah...” I breathed, looking down at the kid.

  


Awhile later, I had gotten Nishinoya to stop sobbing uncontrollably and had gotten him to settle back down in his seat.

Then, Sugawara stood up, gracing a hand on my shoulder as he passed me and got up to the podium.

When I had sat back down in my seat, he started.

“I think we take life for granted,” he started, “I know, I know— cliché, but hear me out.” He let out a quick breath, “It seems like people truly notice one another when someone's life is on the line — we'll ignore people or not pay them much mind, but once there's a risk of possible or certain death, everyone suddenly cares and devotes all of their time into that person. Some people don't even appreciate the life they've been granted— the fact that they can be able to breathe and exist. Some people throw their lives away. Some people get their lives stolen from them. And... and some people think their life is over when something tragic happens, such as—” he looked over to the casket briefly, “—such as a death of a loved one.” He paused, taking a few deep breaths.

Seems everyone's trying to keep their shit together...

“The human heart beats approximately four thousand times per hour, and each pulse, each throb, each palpitation is a trophy engraved with the words ‘You are still alive.’” I saw him make direct eye contact with me. “You are still alive. Act like it.” He looked to Shouyou's parents before he looked back over at the crowd. “There _is_ life after tragedy.”

Why do I feel like he was aiming that all towards me?

  


* * *

  


“What are you doing?” I asked with a kind of sigh of curiosity.

“Looking at you.” Shouyou hummed.

I quirked an eyebrow, lowering the papers in my hand to the side, looking at the boy who was laying on his stomach on top of me, arms folded with his head resting on top. His ankles were crossed, his body easily fitting in between both of my own legs. “Yeah, I can see that...” I tilted my head forward and to the side slightly, “But why are you giving me that look?”

“Mm... What look?” he asked, voice low, almost like a whisper.

“I don't know... It's just, like, a weird kind of look...” I grumbled.

He was smiling at me, his eyes half-lidded and glowing with some sort of blend of emotions; they blended to well, I couldn't distinguish what emotions lay within them.

“I'm admiring the view,” he said with a sigh of content.

“What view...?” I murmured, looking away and going to pick up my papers again.

“Have you never had someone look at you like this?”

“Like what?”

“Appreciatively... Adoringly... Lovingly...” he trailed off, tilting his head to the side, cheek resting completely on top of his forearm, a light sigh escaping his lips.

“I-I guess not...”

“I don't see how, you're absolutely stunning, _To-bi-o_.”

I let out a huff at how he said my name, going to lift my papers and get back to reading them over.

“Aw, do you not like how I say _To-bi-o_ ~” he hummed.

“No... I... guess I, um,” I lowered my tone, almost to a mumble, “think it's cute...”

Shouyou lifted himself up, leaning up to me to kiss me on my lips gently before returning to his little laying position. “I'm glad, because I would've kept saying it like that, even if you didn't like it.”

I let out a I'm-not-actually-angry huff, a half smirk coming across me as I lifted the papers again, returning to my reading.

By the time I had abandoned trying to finish reading the whole thing, opting to just go to bed, Shouyou was already asleep, although he had rolled over onto his side. I did the same, one arm going under a pillow under my head, the antithetical wrapping around the other boy, pulling him close.

“Shouyou?” I tested.

No response.

Again, “Shouyou...?”

And, again, no response.

I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly and deeply, my hand lacing with one of his, holding on tight. “... I love you,” I whispered.

I heard a light, breathy giggle, followed by a tired, “I love you, too, To-bi-o.”

  


* * *

  


I winded up never giving a little “speech.” No one was upset with my decision, either. I stood with everyone as the casket was lowered into the ground, and once it was finally called that the ceremony was over, I was the first to disperse from the crowd, eager to get the hell out of here and — at the very least — get in my car before having a mental breakdown.

“Tobio!”

I gritted my teeth, stopping in my tracks, looking over my shoulder, giving whoever the hell had called my name a glare.

Sugawara.

He was jogging up to me, and when he was at my side, I had already continued walking, shoes making a light clicking kind of sound as they hit the asphalt with each step. “Do you want to talk for a minute?”

“No.”

“Or maybe _I_ can just do the talking?”

“No.”

“You can't just isolate yourself like you've been doing the past couple of weeks, it isn't healthy.”

“I'm fine.”

“ _Really?_ ” He walked in front of me, bringing me to an abrupt stop. He reached out a hand to try and take mine, sighing, “Please, Tobio, let me—”

I jerked my hand away, hand almost forming itself into a fist. “I said I'm fine,” I growled, narrowing my eyes.

He looked up at me, eyes a little widened.

I'm pretty sure I saw pity in his eyes. Fuck him.

“Aren't you killing yourself by pretending like you're okay?”

“I don't care.” I said with a huff, brushing past him.

I let out a huff, shoving my hands into my pants pockets, brushing past him. 

“I have something you want!”

 _I'm sure you do_.

“Shouyou's mother asked me to get it to you, since you stormed off!”

I halted, slowly looking over my shoulder.

“He left you a letter.” he said, walking up to me. He stopped when there was a few feet in between us. “But I'll only give it to you if you promise to, at least, text me later today.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes and looking forward again. “What if I refuse?”

“I guess you'll never find out what it says.”

“Do you?”

“I happened to be with him when he wrote it.”

He didn't actually answer if he knew the contents or not.

“Yeah. Sure.” I grumbled, turning my body halfway towards him. “Can I have it now?”

“No, not yet. I'll give it to you in a couple days— assuming you've periodically messaged me back.”

I guess I wouldn't trust myself either...

Reluctantly I told him, “Fine.”

And, with that, I continued on to the car, parents meeting with me a few minutes later.

  


* * *

  


_... I wonder—_

_—Can you hurt when you're dead?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't say I didn't warn you.
> 
> Can't say I didn't try.
> 
> You guys volunteered for this shit.
> 
> Goodbye.
> 
>  
> 
> (that kind'a rhymed. whoa. new poem. yay.)  
> (1 more chapter. hahaha. bet you guys thought he wouldn't die hahaha)


	30. Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wonder...
> 
> _Can you hurt when you're dead?_  
> 
> 
>   
>  —Wait! I don't want to be dead.  
> Don't want to walk in darkness—  
> semidarkness—alone.
> 
> _Death is lonely._  
> 
> 
>   
>  Lonely? Lonely. Why is lonely familiar...?  
> ... It's getting lighter. Light.  
> 
> 
> _Maybe I'm not dead._  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love me some dashes— apparently these are my favorite, too.
> 
> #atotallyoriginalchaptertitle
> 
> (if you can't tell i also really love Ellen Hopkins like holy shit)
> 
> Pfft... Nooo I didn't rush through the entire second half. Whaaat?? What would give you that idea?
> 
>  
> 
> Song (lyrics start at around 2:45):  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7xai5u_tnk

Several days had passed since the funeral, and nothing much about my mental state and previous behaviors the few weeks prior had changed. I suppose I wasn't crying all the time — there was that — and the resultant of my cessation to my mental break downs was that I also didn't sleep the entire day away — there was that, too — but I still stayed in my room, still didn't eat as much — maybe a few bites each meal, but that's the entirety of it, really — didn't drink as much water — I wasn't crying as much, and I didn't want to have to go to the bathroom several times each day — and I just laid in my bed, exchanging messages with Sugawara, like he had asked me to.

I think my messaging him was really the only think that prevented me from going off the deep end and doing something I may or may not regret. But, if I died, then I suppose I wouldn't be able to do either. Still, he messaged me practically all day, and if I didn't reply to his messages after twenty minutes, he'd start spamming me. I think this was to prevent me from dying, too. The exclusion to that was if I told him I was going to bed, to which he would bring the messages to a close — although, every couple of hours, he would send a message; I only received these when I woke up, seeing about five or so messages. He was babysitting me, basically. I wish I didn't need to have him do that, to devote all this time into me; he was losing sleep just to make sure I was okay.

A few times, I would hear my door open and then close a few moments later.

I was certain this was my mother and/or father coming in to check on me. I wouldn't know for sure, because I never looked.

I wish everyone didn't care this much about me and my well-being. I'm kind of a burden now, having them waste all this time on me...

It was in the silence of my room that I understood the many ways a person can die, but still be alive.

I was constantly in a state of exhaustion, but I could never manage to bring myself to sleep as much as I needed to. Maybe it was something about knowing it was daytime outside — although, I had tacked a blanket up over my window. I guess my subconscious just knew the relative time and refused to shut down.

I knew it was bad— when, in the morning when I woke up, the main thing I looked forward to was going back to bed. I wanted to be able to dream and I hoped that my body would just randomly shut down during the day and give me some peace inside a dream. Even the idea of myself getting tortured within a dream seemed more tolerable than my current reality. 

The secondary being able to talk to Sugawara. I hadn't wanted to do this before, but he had twisted his way into it. Part of me was thankful for that— that he was here for me. Part of me enjoyed that kind of human interaction that I'd ripped myself away from for so long. Part of me just liked talking to him in general; he didn't bring up the situation, just talked about normal kinds of things— his college life; he asked me how school went, if I did well on the finals— surprisingly, I did; he said he was glad I'd be moving on to be a third-year; he never brought up Shouyou, and if I did, he would let me talk— if that went in a downward spiral, he would say something inspirational to lift myself up, and ease me out of it before changing the topic to something positive.

  


* * *

  


Sugawara ended up coming around to my house. I could hear his voice along with my mother's for some time, then silence, followed by my door opening.

I looked up, blinking tiredly at the silver-haired male as he walked in.

“You look like shit.”

I let out a quick exhaled through my nose — I guess that was supposed to be my form of a laugh; or maybe it was an annoyed huff at how blunt he was — blinking my eyes to look away at something else.

“Mind if we talk face-to-face for awhile?”

I glanced at him through the corner of my eye before adjusting myself a bit, pulling my covers up closer to my face, covering the lower part of my face, eyes closing.

“I can just do the talking.” He said, walking over to sit down at the edge of the foot of my bed, careful not to accidentally sit on my feet or legs... Or maybe he was deliberately trying to be far away so I couldn't extend my leg out to kick him.

“You're a good person, Tobio.” _Next lie?_ “Shouyou brought that out in you. I mean, it was there -- we both know that -- and I think you just didn't want to let out that good side of you... He was just the one who made you think it was worth it, to tear down your own walls and let someone in... Am I speaking the truth right now?”

I didn't say anything.

“Were you afraid of letting anyone get to close? Afraid of being hurt?”

Are these rhetorical questions?

“You went against the rules you established for yourself to keep yourself safe. You knew, in the end, it would turn out this way... and yet, you still stayed by his side, let yourself grow closer and closer to him-- so, when he finally fell, it hurt like hell.”

I bit at my lip, speaking lowly, “How can I explain purposefully setting foot on a path so blatantly treacherous?”

“... Is it that you saw his beauty and you wanted to revel in it?”

I blinked my eyes open. “I never had anyone before him. I was selfish and-and--”

“Love means holding on to someone as hard as you can because if you don't, one blink and they might disappear forever. Ultimately, you wanted to hold onto him as long as you could, taking in the happiness he provoked for as long as you could.”

“... Yeah.” I murmured, sinking into the blankets a little further. “I think I wanted to make him happy more than anything. My selfishness inverted, and I poured everything into him. I think seeing happy made me happy...”

“He did make you a better person, though; he brought out the best in you-- you know this?”

“Mm...” my form of a ‘yes.’

“Do you think you could continue that?”

“Continue what?”

“Being a good person.”

I exhaled deeply, opting to not answer.

I don't know how I could recover from this. And, if I do, I wouldn't be the same. I'll probably revert back to the person I was before-- well at least, before, I didn't hurt like this. Maybe I could shut myself off again...

Yeah...

“Would you waste his efforts away?”

_What?_

“He spent two years with you, bringing you up from the dirt. He got you on your feet. However long that took-- you'd waste it?”

“I don't have anything anymore.”

“Bullshit.”

He stood up, walking to the side of my bed to stand right in front of me, my dark eyes slowly moving to look up at him.

“Quit trying to give up. Quit being sorry for yourself,” he said lowly, eyes narrowed. 

He bent over, grabbing hold of my blankets and pulling them off of me. _Has my room always felt this cold?_ “Get up.”

I... can't...

“Tobio,” he said through gritted teeth.

After I didn't say anything and I didn't move, he reached down, grabbing my arm and pulling my torso up into a more sitting position. Once there, he wiggled his arms under my armpits, lifting me up and pulling my off the bed.

“Stand up.”

I clenched my teeth, planting my feet in the carpeted ground below me.

“I can't believe you let yourself get like this, Tobio,” he paused, “You say Shouyou was a kind of influence on you, right?”

I stayed silent, looking down at the ground, Sugawara still holding onto me.

Suddenly, he let go, stepping to the side. The sudden disappearance of my support and my legs already being weak cause me to fall backwards. I fell down onto my back with a thud.

“ _Right?_ ” he asked again, more harshly.

I let out a huff, swallowing back.

“Shouyou was a fighter. You know damn well he fought until the very end— every minute, every breath, every movement.”

 _Damn you_. I cursed at him silently.

“Get up, Tobio,” I saw his fists tighten. “Fight.”

I gritted my teeth, flipping over onto my stomach. I planted my palms into the carpet, pushing myself up to my knees.

I'm shaky, but dammit, I'll stand.

With help from my dresser, I managed to pull myself up into a standing position, still holding onto the thing and leaning myself into it, breathing heavily.

I looked over to Sugawara slowly, still trying to catch my breath. He was smiling. “That's better. But, are you able enough to walk?”

I looked down to the ground, pulling myself away from the dresser. I took a couple steps forward, walking along the dresser, holding the edge. I stumbled, almost falling but leaning over into the dresser, stabilizing myself.

“If you hadn't neglected to feed yourself and to use your muscles so much, you wouldn't be like this...” He said with a sigh, walking over to me. He took my arm and wrapped it around his shoulders, holding my hand there, his other arm wrapping around my side. “Think you could manage a bath?”

“W-why?”

“Because you smell like ass, for one,” I think I should've gotten used to his bluntness by now. “And also because we're getting out of this house.”

“Where?”

“Nowhere in particular, we're just getting you out of this house,” he said, starting to walk me out of my room and across the hall, into the bathroom. He sat me down on the top of the toilet. “You can pick a place to go to.” He paused, glancing at the bathtub, “Do you think you could manage that on your own?”

I nodded. It'd be a hassle, but I could manage to do that on my own. I sure as hell didn't want Sugawara to have to help me with that.

“Alright,” he breathed, walking to the door and stepping out into the hallway, turning to me. “I'll bring you some clothes and a towel.” and, with that, he left, returning a couple minutes later, setting the things down on the counter. “When you're done here, call for me and I'll help you outside and to the car.”

He shut the door and I was left to somehow manage to get my clothes off, get into the bath, take a bath, get out, dry myself off and get some clothes back on.

Sounds easy enough...

  


* * *

  


It wasn't.

Getting my shirt off was easy, and my sweat pants and under wear was just a bunch of wiggling.

The tub was another story. I had fallen into the tub getting in with a decent enough thud loud enough that Sugawara heard. He knocked on the door, asking if I'm okay. After my reassurance, he left again.

The bath itself was easy, too. Unfortunately, I had seen just how thin I'd gotten. It was painful to see and made me wonder what Sugawara had thought about that...

Getting out was a bitch. I managed to nearly slip at least four times. I found it easier to just sit on the edge and dry myself off, slipping into my clothes, and then going to pull myself up to sit on the toilet.

I bit at my lip, one hand gripping the counter, scooting to the edge, a palm on the top of the toilet. I pushed myself up into a standing position. I took a few steps towards the door, supporting myself with a hand on the counter. Finally, I opened the door, although, when I tried to take my hand off the counter, I had nearly fallen.

It was then I realized I couldn't quite walk on my own.

“Sugawara?” I called out.

Soon enough, he came up to me, I reached an arm out for him. He came to my side, allowing me to wrap an arm around his shoulders again, offering the same support as earlier.

He walked me to the living room, letting me sit down as he got a pair of socks and shoes. I put them on by myself, but once I had, it was the same thing as earlier as he walked me out of the house.

He helped me into the passenger side of the car, getting in the drivers side himself.

“When did you get a car?”

“Just earlier this year, actually.” He answered, switching on the ignition and going to pull out of the driveway.

“Do you know where you want to go?” He glanced at me, “Somewhere to eat would be a good shot.” Then he pulled out fully, starting down the road.

“I don't know of many places.”

“So you want me to pick something out?”

“Mm.”

  


* * *

  


We ended up going to some random restaurant that I hadn't paid much attention to, name-wise. We returned to the car, with Sugawara saying that we were going to go to a nearby park.

I didn't object.

  


We had gotten there and Sugawara had set me down on a bench overlooking a mirage of bushes and flower plants.

“By the way, I have Daichi, Nishinoya, and Asahi coming to meet us.”

“Why?” I asked suddenly, looking to him with widened eyes.

“To talk. I figured it'd be nice to talk to some of our old teammates. Don't know what we'll talk about, but I'm hoping it'll lift your mood...”

I didn't say anything for awhile.

I sank into the bench a little more, looking back to the plants just ahead. “Thank you...”

“No need. I'm just proving to you that people are here for you. That people care.” He glanced at me. “... Trying to give you a reason to keep living.”

  


* * *

  


I enjoyed my time with them. Although I didn't show it, I really did have fun. I didn't laugh, though, but I smiled a couple times— very faint, very quick.

Sugawara caught me doing this once. I wasn't the least bit upset about that.

He was right, I guess I did get into a lighter state of mind.

Although that reason to live is... somewhere.

Sugawara had taken me back home and got me settled in my room. “Promise you'll keep eating?”

I nodded.

“And that you'll work on moving around the house more?”

Again, I nodded.

“Even if you didn't, I'll still be coming around here for the next few days— making sure you eat, making sure you're taking care of yourself decently, making sure you get outside...”

He walked to my bedroom door, grabbing the handle. “When I feel you're in a more stable condition,” he said, looking at me, “I'll give you the note.”

My eyes lit up — although only for a moment — at the idea of finally getting my hands on it. “Mm,” I nodded.

He smiled for a moment before pulling the door shut.

  


* * *

  


We both kept our word— with me bringing myself back up. At this point, I could walk on my own without any complications. I had gotten out of the house the six days Sugawara came over, but I had lingered around the living room sometimes during the day, and even went into the kitchen to eat with my family for several meals.

The seventh day, Sugawara came over and gave me the note. “Do you want me to stay here while you read it?”

I stared at the folded paper.

After several moments, I looked up, “Can you take me to the cemetery?”

He nodded a couple times, going to head out the door. I had rushed to my room, grabbing a box on the top of my nightstand, going back out to the front door, slipping into some shoes quickly and walking outside. I sat down in the passenger side, Sugawara just beside me as he went to drive, my eyes glued on the folded paper.

  


He parked the car, looking over to me, “Do you want me to come with you?”

I shook my head, opening the door and stepping out.

It was a long walk, but I didn't really mind it.

I had stopped when I got to his, reading over his name, — _Hinata Shouyou_ — the date, — _June 22 nd, 1998-June 13th, 2016_ — and the epitaph — _‘‘Because people don't have wings, they look for ways to fly.’ - Keishin Ukai’_

He hadn't even turned eighteen yet... Just over a week and he would have...

I sighed, taking a look at the space between me and the stone, where he was actually buried.

I looked down at the paper before unfolding it, holding it with both hands, the box held within my right middle, ring, and pinkie fingers.

_“I've had a lot of time to myself since I'm home a lot. It's kind of ironic— when I was in middle school, I hated going to school every day; I would even fake being sick just so I didn't have to go to school. After I found out about the tumor and up until now, I cherished going to school every day, but I couldn't go everyday; I would fake feeling well just so I could go to school... I can't decide if that's sad or something else._

_Since I couldn't do much of anything physically and I started to hate watching TV after watching it consecutively for days on end, I got into reading. I didn't like reading before, but somehow it brought joy to me. I liked immersing myself into different worlds. At some point, I started reading poetry, too. I think it's weird how some jumble of words put onto a page can make you feel so many different emotions._

_‘Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders in to your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness.... It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.’_

I'm glad you let me, one stupid person, wander into your stupid little life and let me take a fragment of your being and let me see every side of you. Your existence truly is a beautiful masterpiece.

_I don't regret falling in love for you. You've given me the best, happiest past couple of years— I'm glad it was spent with you at my side, with your love and kindness and compassion filling me up. I lived this life beautifully. I think you're the reason I keep fighting, have a will to get up everyday, forget about the pain I'm feeling constantly. I think you're the only one who could have ever done that for me._

_But, there is one thing I didn't like about you._

_How you told me you didn't like yourself, the person you are — were, now — back in the fall of our first-year. I couldn't understand why, so, of course, I asked you ‘Why?’ You told me it's because of the person you've become, and what you've done your whole life. You said that the person you let yourself out to be was kind of like a defense-mechanism. You said you let yourself appear strong. But that's a lie. That is was just a disguise you wore to keep yourself safe. You told me you've always felt terrified of letting anyone get too close, of seeing who you really are._

_I brought up, ‘A person has three faces: the first face, you show to the world; the second face, you show to close friends and family; the third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.’ I continued to say, ‘You treat me differently than normal people or your family.’_

_You told me ‘I guess I accidentally showed you my third face. But, either way, I don't like the first two. Y'know... people don't like me, and I guess I'm not really a fan of myself either.’_

_The third face is who you really are. I think that the real you is more beautiful, more kind, more warm-hearted, more intelligent (Really, you are smart. I guess you're just lazy.), more laughable... It's much more positive than the other two you make yourself out to be... Is it really such a bad thing that I saw who you are?_

_I asked you ‘When did creating a flawless facade become a more vital goal than learning to love the person who lives inside your skin?’_

_You didn't say anything to that. I still wonder what you were thinking. Maybe you just really didn't know the answer yourself._

_I told you something I read once, ‘It doesn't make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don't really see ourselves. We don't watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. We don't see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. You don't see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside your heart. There's no mirror in your way when you're laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly yourself.’_

_Yeah, there is one thing I didn't like about you: you not liking yourself._

_I wonder if I helped you really fall in love with yourself like you fell in love with me...?_

_I like to think I did... I noticed you openly become a kinder person to everyone. You broke out of your shell. I liked that. I saw you shining, and it was beautiful._

_Please don't lose that. Don't lose that kindness— that light. If you do, it'll extinguish your beauty, too. Please keep shining on for me, okay? Become another star bright enough, big enough to shed light on an entire planet— become another sun... Okay?_

_Thank you for the memories you've granted me. Thank you for fulfilling the dreams I had. Thank you for gifting me an amazing end to this life. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Thank you for living up to your promise and never leaving my side. Just— thank you for everything._

_I'm sorry that the end of this results in me having to apologize for leaving you behind._

_I love you, To bi o._  


_Forever and always,_

_the boy who traveled 130,420 miles to the moon to be with you”_

I exhaled slowly, licking my lips before folding the paper again and putting it in my back pocket.

I looked to the box, holding it in between both hands, rotating it within my fingers. “This was...” _Am I thinking out loud?_ “Supposed to be your birthday present...” _I'm talking to his grave..._ “But you were just nine days short of receiving it personally...” _He won't even hear me, will he?_

I opened the box, pulling out the little silver ring in the shape of a feather out.

I fiddled with the ring in between my fingers in my right hand. I stopped, looking up at the stone again, “You were a summer gift, one I'll always treasure. You were a dream I never wanted to wake up from. You opened my eyes too things I'll never really see. You're the best thing that will ever happen to me.” I nodded, biting at my bottom lip. “And... you did teach me to love myself, but I'll still love you a hell of a lot more,” I said with a little chuckle.

I looked down at the ring, settling it in my palm. “Happy belated birthday, Shouyou.” I looked back up at the stone tablet. “I hope you don't mind, Shouyou, but—” I looked down again as I took the ring and slipped it onto my left ring finger. “—I'll be holding onto this.” _A little reminder of you_...

I looked back up at the stone, taking a few steps back. “If it does bother you, scold me about it in the next life,” I said with a half smirk, turning around fully.

I walked through the cemetery, along the asphalt walkway that blended into a concrete sidewalk. I turned right, taking a few more steps forward before stopping at the cross way, Sugawara's car just up ahead.

I let out a slow breath, closing my eyes briefly, gracing my fingers over the little silver ring, fiddling with it a bit. Once they opened again, I glanced to my left, then right, before walking forward.

I had gotten about eight steps into the road — not quite halfway — when I saw a figure to my right through the corner of my eye.

I turned my head, eyes widening, taking a quick breath in from fear and shock and—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's like “To bi o” because it'd be like he was using the hiragana to spell it out, signalling his syllable-by-syllable _“To-bi-o.”_
> 
> oMFG the time added up to have “420” in it. I didn't even try oh my fuuuuuuck. YESSSS!!!  
> “Mxydxy, calm down... it's just a number... and you probably did the math wrong anyway...”  
> I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!!!  
> God dammmnnn!! Bless this fucking number!!  
> (i prolly did get this wrong but shut the fuck up. don't you dare take it away you pieces of shit fucking math hoes!!!)
> 
>    
> Should've had him put the ring on him so he was buried with it. Also, original idea was to have him leave the ring but... mm...
> 
>  
> 
> Also, it cut off because... *ahem* ... y'know... he kind'a got run over my a car.  
> Kags: *no will to live* *wants to die*  
> Sugamama: bitch get the fuck up. who the fuck you think you is?  
> Kags: *gradually gets better* *finally has will to live* *dies*
> 
>  
> 
> And with that, I bid you all adieu!


	31. Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
>  No. That's not my _fucking_ ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. :)
> 
>    
> I told you guys not to trust me.  
> Sorry I got you all fucked up for no reason XD
> 
> Wonder how many of you will notice this chapter update, too. Whoop.
> 
>  
> 
> Here's a lil AMV (seems fitting, yeah?):  
> https://instagram.com/p/BGKr5WhvVIt/

I heard a gasp from the boy next to me and saw him jolt awake, compelling me to look over and fix my attention on him. “Hey... are you okay?”

The boy sat up, breathing heavily, he turned his head to look at me, lips parted slightly, his charcoal eyes widened as he settled them on my own.

It was like he was looking at me like I was the embodiment of a god or something. And like he was utterly shocked to see me.

“Shouyou...” he muttered lowly, almost to the point where it was totally incoherent.

He suddenly reached his arms out to me, grabbing hold of either side of my torso, pulling me closer and down with him as he plopped back down onto the mattress.

“Wh-what are you doing?” I asked, trying to suppress a giggle and act as though I was upset.

It didn't work.

I laughed into his chest, lifting my chin, “Tobiiooo!” I pouted, wiggling around a bit.

“Do you plan on letting me go?”

“Nope.”

“Mmph.” I went about moving my lower body, positioning myself so my body fit in between both of his legs. I settled myself, arms bent at their apex, my forearms against both of his sides. I let out an exasperated breath, settling my cheek on top of his stomach. By now, he had loosened his original tight grip on me and had one arm around my upper back, the other brushing through my hair. “You never answered my question,” I murmured.

“Mm... Which one?”

“Are you okay?”

The person beside you suddenly gasps and jolts awake? Usually not a good sign.

“It's nothing... just a nightmare, is all.”

I raised an eyebrow, lifting my head to look at him. “About what?”

He opened his eyes slowly, settling his gaze on me, looking a mix of tired and bored almost. “I don't know... it seems kind of, uh, morbid... Do you really want to know?”

I nodded a couple times, suddenly becoming — oddly — intrigued.

“Well, you were really sick, and the whole time, you were just slowly dying. I mean, there were a lot of good, sweet, fun things in there, but somehow everything always went back to your illness. Um... at some point you couldn't get out of bed or do anything on your own, and a little time after that you were hospitalized. You had asked me to come see you, so I did, and you told me to not come back after that visit because you, uh... didn't want me to see you die.” He paused, exhaling deeply, tilting his head back and closing his eyes again. “After that, you _did_ die and I kind of went off the deep end—”

“How so?” I cut in.

“Uh-w-well... I, um, cried until I passed out for several days straight. Then I couldn't sleep at all. I didn't eat. I didn't talk to anyone. I laid in bed... for, uh, a week? Two? I kind of forgot... Sugawara had come around to force me back onto my feet — literally and metaphorically — and once I had gotten out of that and gave a shit about my life, Sugawara gave me a note you had written for me... I went to your grave and read it. I almost gave you your birthday gift—”

“I died on my birthday?”

“N-no... Um... nine days before.”

“What was the gift?”

“A silver ring designed like a feather— um, earlier in the dream you asked me to ask you out 'officially' and make it like a proposal, so you handed me a silver ring to do it and... I was going to go around and get you one but, you died before I could deliver it...”

“So... you almost gave me my birthday gift...” I trailed off, trying to get him to pick off where I interrupted him at.

“But I ended up keeping it, saying ‘I hope you don't mind... and if you do, scold me about it in the next life.’”

I laughed a few times before biting at my bottom lip to try and stop myself.

He lifted his head, looking back at me. “Why are you laughing?”

“Because, even in a dream, you're a fucking dorky sap!”

“Hmph.” He tilted his head back again with a huff. “I went to walk back to the car, but ended up getting... run over by a car...”

“And even in a dream you have shit luck,” I said with another set of laughs.

He lifted his head, narrowing his eyes before flicking me lightly in the forehead. I just kept giggling.

“... That's what you get for taking my ring.” I said with a breathy laugh. He let out a quick heavy breath, dropping his head back again, going back to brush through my hair. I guess he was going to go back to bed.

“Can I hear the whole story?”

“Have you been hanging around Oikawa? Because you sound a little sadistic there.”

“Pfft.” I lowered my head back down, cheek against his stomach.

“Yeah...” he breathed, “I guess I will in the morning.”

“'Kay,” I hummed, closing my eyes.

  


* * *

  


I opened my bedroom door, expecting to see Tobio up and getting dressed, but he wasn't. Instead, he was still asleep.

_Are you fucking--_

I jumped onto the bed, smacking his back lightly, “Hey! Get the fuck up!”

The male opened his eyes tiredly, wincing when he realized I was swatting at him. “W-what the hell?”

I stopped hitting him, just pulling back, sitting on my legs, narrowing my eyes and furrowing my brows downward. “You're supposed to be getting dressed you idiot!”

“Why?”

I rolled my eyes, letting out a groan as I turned and slid off my bed. “We have to go to the championship game, dumbass.” I growled, reaching for his duffel bag and tossing it on the bed. He had sat up by now, though the tired still hadn't left his eyes. “You have time for a five minute shower.” I said. “And after the shower, you can just get your underwear and shorts on and then head out to the bus, in other words, finish getting dressed on the way down. Put your shoes on on the bus.”

I stood up, looking as the boy finally stood up, walking past me and out my room to the bathroom just around the corner. “Let's go, let's go! Don't have time for your freakin' slack today!” I said as I patted my palm on the door he shut. I walked down the hallway when I heard the water switch on, going down the stairs and to the living room, waiting for my idiot of a boyfriend to get his shit together and join me.

“Where's Tobio?” My mother asked, walking into the living room from the kitchen.

“He's lagging this morning,” I said with an exasperated breath. “He'll be down in, like, ten minutes.”

  


Actually, he came down a little under ten minutes. _Good job, Tobio, you get a cookie!_

He came running down the stairs, struggling as he pulled his shirt over his head. He stopped at the base of the stairs and staggered, reaching an arm out to press a palm into the wall in front of him, catching himself.

“There he is!” I chimed with a little laugh, “Alright, get your shoes and let's go.”

By the time he had gotten his shit together and came down the stairs, I had already gotten my own shoes on, so I just stood up and walked to the front door, grabbing the handle and opening it. I stepped out onto the porch, my mother just behind me, already walking out to the car. I waited for Tobio to grab his shoes before shutting the door, the two of us walking to the car. Both my father and Natsu were home, so locking the door wasn't an issue.

I sat down on the right side of the back of the car, Tobio just next to me, taking his socks out of his shoes and slipping them onto his feet, shortly followed by the shoes themselves. He sat back in the seat with an exasperated breath, his hand finding mine as he pressed his head onto the headrest just behind, eyes closing.

I let out a quick little laugh, leaning to the side, pressing my body closer to him, although I had my head turned, looking out the window as we drove to Karasuno.

  


* * *

  


My mom stopped the car and I patted Tobio's shoulder with the back of my hand. He opened his eyes, blinking a few times in a manner of waking himself up more. I opened the car and stepped out, the other male just behind me. “Thanks for the ride, mom!” I said with a smile before shutting the door.

We both walked towards the bus, Daichi being the first one who stepped out, “You guys are seriously late. What was the hold up?” He asked, although I just casually looked over my shoulder at the raven-haired boy, a little smirk tracing my lips.

“... Tobio?”

He narrowed his eyes at me but I just looked on forward, climbing up onto the bus. “... I was sleeping.” he muttered, going up the steps just after me and Daichi behind him.

I could hear the door shut as I walked down the aisle.

“What? Did you forget about the game today?!” Sugawara asked, tone stitched with a mild sense of anger— or is that frustration? Regular ol' annoyance? I don't know...

Tobio didn't answer the question directly, just issued him a “Mm...”

I scooted into a seat, sitting next to the window, Tobio trailing just behind.

Nishinoya piped up, “Shouyooouuu!”

“Huh?”

I blinked a couple times before I felt a couple hands on my shoulders, shaking me. It only lasted a couple moments, and when it did stop, I looked up to see Nishinoya looking down at me, a wide smile on his face. “We're going to freaking Tokyo!”

I let out a quick, breathy laugh, a grin forming on my own face. I turned my head to look at Tobio, grin still present.

He had his regular resting bitch face on.

I frowned, furrowing my brows in an angry manner, but I was more so being borderline pouty at this point. I brought a finger to poke at his cheek.

He jumped a bit, blinking quickly before looking over at me. “Aren't you excited...?” I asked.

“He is,” Nishinoya hummed, tilting his head towards the raven-haired male. “He just doesn't possess the ability to show it.”

And, with that, he plopped back into his seat. Not even bothering to see if Tobio had something to say back, which he did. “I can show my excitement,” he retorted before adding more lowly, “I just choose not to.”

“— _In this company_ ,” I added. “He shows all kinds'a emotions with me.”

Tobio gave me a look and I just smirked. He didn't say anything to me, just looked away with a huff and sunk back into the seat.

“Soo...” I turned my body so that my back was to the window, one leg bent at its apex, my hands cupping my shoe that rested on top of the seat with me. “Wanna tell me that story on the way?”

He blinked in a bored manner, eyes going to settle themselves on me, though he didn't move his head. “Sure.”

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time I wrote this and went to save it, my tablet fucked up and deleted everything so. Yeah, you know I killed a child or two.
> 
> Also, I had like 4 possible “official” endings. One was kind of messed up, the neutral-leaning towards being a little positive had 2 possible scenarios but were basically the same, and another being a totally cliché happy ending—this one.  
> The messed up ending is the true “restart” ending. I'm sure you can probably imagine what that may be...  
> They'd all be Tobio waking up from a dream or whatnot, though.
> 
> (You guys have no idea how close I was to continuing on the f'ed upness but I could imagine something like this:  
> “So you mean to tell me that you made a surprise chapter, but didn't make it a happy ending?”  
> Yes. :)  
> “Fuck you!”  
> Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sensing some hostility here!
> 
> #mxydxyteachingpeopletohavetrustissuessince2k16
> 
> But I remembered my lil summary up there and I was like— 'fuck it, let's change it to be a happy ending.')
> 
>  
> 
> But, seriously, this is the actual end. I love you all, you are amazing, thank you for reading~!  
> (although i kind'a wanna post the different endings i had in mind?? idk??)  
>  
> 
> One of these days, I will go back and rewrite this whole thing. Like, when my writing skill improves. And, like, in the very distant-distant-distant future (bc I almost totally lost my shit trying to write entire chapters for each frickin' day but omf. i had a plan and it worked in my favor cause the new month and... "restart" and... shit... Just fucking love me, please?)


End file.
